The Seven Don'ts You Must Always Do

*This transcript was auto-generated*

Kim Gravel: Even the biggest narcissist on the planet do not have great positive thoughts and beliefs about themselves. Internally. It's all a fake thought. Most of the time. The majority of us are cutting ourselves down verbally and internally, and believing lies about ourself to the point that you are paralyzed.

Hands up right now where you are. Put your hand up and testify. Just raise your hand wherever you are. I don't have to. You see you. And admit that right now. This is the, let's just go on a spill. The tea. This is one of the realest persons I've ever met in my darn life. You gotta, I this, my mission is to encourage every single woman, we're here to lift y'all up.

There's no one more effective than moms. You messed with the bull. You going to get the horns? I need coffee. I need Jesus and I need them . If you can bring a smile to people's faces, why would you not? We love our kids. We love our husbands. What a blessing.

We're gonna dedicate this to you in finding your superpower. Okay girl. True confidence is knowing who you are and why you're here.

Red light is on oh oh. Hey y'all. Welcome to The Kim Gravel Show. We changed the name, but this season is gonna be our biggest one yet. We're still gonna laugh together. We're also gonna be building our confidence together and leveling up our lives. I got Zac with me. I can't do it without him. So buckle up Buttercup, because this is gonna be an episode.

You don't wanna miss the seven don't that you must always do right now. So this first episode of The Kim Gravel Show, Level Up Your Life, we are gonna be talking about something, Zac, that I had written in this book. Now I have got a book coming out very, very soon called Collecting Confidence and this particular, section is what we call the seven Don'ts you must always. I'm Say that again cuz it's a lot to take in the seven don'ts you must always do. And I wrote that in the book because we're always asking how build conifdence and how build self esteem, to get ahead, to be successful. Cuz there's, there's some things that you need to do to be successful, but just as important, there's some things that you don't need to do or don't always do.

I know that's a weird, but you'll understand when I start reading them.

Zac Miller: Yeah, a hundred percent.

Kim Gravel: There was a time, my son, and this is also in the book, he was, playing basketball at a, at his, at his school. He was in the seventh grade and he. This coach and God love him. I mean, let me just tell y'all something right now.

Uh, middle school, high school sports is now like, I feel like I'm, I felt like I was at the nba, right? It was a basketball. I felt like this dude was like, He was so high octane. And look, I'm all for hard work. You don't get to where I am today without working your can off, and you also don't get there without good coaching.

So I'm all for it before everybody starts ripping me a new one and sending emails and going, look, can coaching into these kids are stuff, blah, blah. Don't gimme all that bull, okay? I'm just gonna tell you right now. This particular guy was off the chain outta control. He would call the boys losers, he would call them.

He would, he would really demean them and, and, and, and talk down. I mean, it was his te he got, it was passionate. It was his temper. I'm not saying he was a mean spirited person. He just couldn't control himself. And I remember one time Bo came home and he was hanging his head. Hell lo ha head, hanging his head low and I could tell his confidence his spirit was being broken and he was lacking confidence.

But his spirit at this point was being broken by what his. Was saying to the whole team, including him, and he was sitting there and he was eating his chicken nuggets. And I said, Bo, what the heck is going on with you? And he said, well, our coach calls us this, our coach. I said, whoop, back up, back up, back up, back up.

I said, what is he doing? So normally the mama bear and all of us would pop out. Zac and I would go, want to go beat that. within an inch of his life. . Okay. But something clicked in me as Bo was telling me these things. He was saying, you know, he calls the teams losers that they couldn't play basketball. He was saying all this stuff.

And something came to my mind that my grandmother used to always say to me, and I said it to him that night. I said, son, don't believe everything others think about.

And he was like, what? I said, what he's calling you is not who you are. That might be what he thinks, but that's not truth. So you can't think. You can't believe everything others think about you. And so I just remember him going like a light bulb went off and he at that point had such power. Not only of his circumstance, he couldn't help what the coach was gonna call him and bless his heart.

Just a little sidebar, the dude was fired. All right, so just let you know that Mama Bears did rise up in that situation, but that's not the moral of the story. Bo, at that moment took a hold of his thoughts and that's where part of this list comes in. There's some don'ts. that you must always do, and I'm gonna read you that list can we go through that list and kind of talk about it one by one?

Zac Miller: Let's do it. For me, this list is so important and when I saw this, it was just like it clicked with me.

Kim Gravel: Yeah, right? Yeah, it did with Bo that night too. First one, let's talk about it. Don't neglect your soul. All right. So that's the first one in the seven don'ts that you must always do.

Don't neglect your soul. I think the foundation and the crux of everything. is this soul. It's the spiritual part of who we are. We have to constantly be feeding our spirits. And I think that's the biggest thing that people neglect. So that's why it's number one, don't neglect your soul. When you neglect your soul, you almost dry up. I say, you know, you kind of die on the vine. You become parched, you become crusty, you become, you know, dry, like dry bones. That is that healing water that is that part of you where everything else flows from.

Zac Miller: How do you not neglect your soul?

Kim Gravel: you know, I make it this, I make it a, a daily practice just to have quiet time.

I just sit alone, ideally at the first part of the day, and just alone with my thoughts. I'll just sit in silence or I'll pray or I'll read scriptures or I'll read a devotion. I really just get quiet and, really allow. Instead of me talking all the time, cuz believe it or not, y'all, I'm a, I love to talk Uhhuh. . Go figure.

Zac Miller: You do. What kidding

Kim Gravel: can believe. Uh, so, you know, whatever I'm, you know, . But I, I, I try to really be quiet because it's in that stillness that I feel like I'm hearing and I'm listening and I'm more open.

So, and also things I love to do that make me. Feeds my soul, whether it be, you know, hanging out with my kids when. Well, should I even say that? Sometimes it's not hanging out with my kids.

Zac Miller: I was about to say, really hanging out with your kids is what makes you happy and features little kids. I mean

Kim Gravel: Well, I'll tell you, I'll tell you recently.

They've been pretty good. They've been okay now. All right, good. The holidays over the holidays now about like, cuz they're off for two and a half weeks, so.

Zac Miller: Well, they're on their best behavior. They got the elf on the shelf watching them.

Kim Gravel: It's like . I am the elf on the shelf. Okay, . I mean, I'm growing a white beard as we speak at Santa Claus, so don't give me, they don't even believe all of that.

They know. They call me miss money bags. Okay? Things that fill your soul also are, are things that you enjoy doing. Thing that make you happy. You know, like walking in nature or, you know, getting a facial, oh my God, that fills everything. That fills my physical and my soul. Don't know, watching a great movie, just chilling out, escaping, you know, with, you know, your hubby going on date night, or going with the girlfriends. There's a lot of different ways to fill your soul, but I would say the first way to start is just to get still and get quiet. That's a good place to start. The second don't you must always do is don't believe everything you think about yourself. Now, watch this deck. Okay. This is beyond just thinking negatively

Zac Miller: because I'm good. I'm, I'm really good at that. I'm really good at thinking negative.

Kim Gravel: We all are. Exactly. We're all so good at cutting ourselves down. We are our biggest hater. We always say, I get so tickled on the haters and the haters and the haters on Sister Me Honey.

The haters ain't got nothing on us because when we hate on ourself and talk to ourself so bad in. I can't tell you these. These are some of the, and if you could relate to me right now, hands up, just wherever you're watching or listening right now. Hands up if you've ever thought this about yourself. I'm fat.

I'm too old. I'm a terrible parent. I'm not smart enough. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not thin enough. I'm not rich enough. What other people think about me must be awful. There's no way I could possibly ever accomplish this. I don't have the education for it. There's no way I can have a great relationship because I'm so unlovable.

I can go on and on and on about the things that we think about ourself. Yeah, I promise you I'm gonna challenge everybody. Listen to this, you know, because if pe people will be honest with the. Ha Very rarely, even the biggest narcissist on the planet, and I know a few could list them right now, but won't, even the biggest narcissist on the planet do not have great positive thoughts and beliefs about themselves internally.

It's all a fake facade. Most of the time, the majority of us are cutting ourselves down verbally and internally, and believing lies about ourself to the point that you are paralyzed. Hands up right now where you are. Put your hand up and testify. Just raise your hand wherever you are. I don't have to see you.

You see you and admit that right?

Zac Miller: Hundred percent

Kim Gravel: don't believe it, Zac, don't believe everything you think about yourself. Now, I'm not saying you need to be in delusion land where you've always talk about yourself. I'm perfect, I'm this, I'm this. I don't make mistakes. I'm not talking about that.

I'm talking about the self-loathing. Self loathing examples are hateful things that we say to ourself that are simply untruths. The reason number three is after number two. So number two is don't believe everything you think about yourself. Number three is what I told Bo, don't believe everything others think about you is because if you, if you don't do number two, you won't do number three, watch this.

If you believe everything you think about yourself and it's the self-hate and self loathing. You will automatically believe and be offended and be hurt by what others say about you. I need a hand clap for that one.

When you don't believe everything you think about yourself, it don't matter what other people say about you, you won't believe it. Yeah, it's compounded criticism that starts internally. And then it's verified and validated by others. You won't believe the outside haters baby if you don't hate on you first.

Do you know how many bad things are said about me, Zac?

Zac Miller: I mean, you've been on tv, I can imagine a lot of people have said a lot of terrible things about you, Kim. I don't know, actually. I honestly, like, that's one of the things that scares me the most about putting myself out there on a show like this is like, I don't know.

Like that's, I've never experienced that. Right? I've never experienced the, like, hate of just strangers. And I don't know how you deal

with that,

Kim Gravel: but, but it doesn't matter what the, the strangers hate that you have. If you, if you totally self-loath and don't like yourself, that's, that's, that's, you're your own worst.

So number two, number three doesn't happen if you fix number two. There's so many people that have said so many things about me, Zac, that now when I hear them, I, I, I, I feel sorry for them. I actually, my heart goes out to them in absolute love and I just want to envelop them and talk to them and find out where that pain is coming.

but we ain't talking about them. We talking about you. Because what others say about you says more about them than it says about you. So know when someone's cutting you down and standing in your way and being abusive or nasty to you verbally. First of all, you can't believe what they say. And second of all, the way you react to it is in, hm.

They must be saying really terrible things about themselves to themselves. Totally worried about that. That's so deep. I'm gonna let that sit and go to number four.

Zac Miller: What's number four? Kim?

Kim Gravel: Don't take yourself too seriously.

Zac Miller: Can I stop you for a second? Because when we started this show, like when we started LOL with Kim Gravel almost two years ago, that was like the first thing you said to me was like, I don't wanna take myself too seriously.

Kim Gravel: You can't.

Zac Miller: I think about that a lot actually.

This is one of the things that you've taught me and it's really resonated with me.

Kim Gravel: I'm telling you why, because. When you can own, laugh at and live in the moment of authenticity. ,That's basically what I'm saying. It's just be authentically you . Don't I always say take what you do very seriously. Be authetic to yourself.

Your work, your parenting, your, your, you know, taking care of your health that we should take seriously. But taking ourselves to the point of like, what others think about me and how does this reflect on me and are my kids reflection on me? I mean, all of that is just, a bunch of bull crap. We all are human and make mistakes.

Learn to laugh at yourself. There's a story in the book, it's called what I call the pantyhose story. It is one for the books. It is where I learned how to do this. Don't so well on a stage with like 500 people in the audience. I was singing, my pantyhose exploded. They were basically coming down around my knees.

It was a mixed crack. I had to sit there and go run off the stage in total embarrassment or just own that bad boy and let it rip. So you gotta read the book to find out how the story ended, but that is why I did number four. Don't take yourself so seriously.

Zac Miller: A hundred percent. I was cracking up when I read that Kim, too.

Kim Gravel: Don't do it.

Zac Miller: I'm not gonna give it away. I'm not gonna give it away.

Kim Gravel: Don't give it away. But when, when things like that happen, when momentum like that, I mean, I can't tell you how many times I've done that on live tv. Lean into it. Embrace it. Okay. There's nothing more beautiful than making people laugh.

Listen, you can teach people something, you can buy 'em something. You can entertain one with crazy reality tv, but to make people laugh, that's hard. But if you don't take yourself too seriously, you'll always come out on top. And people, they, they love authenticity, so don't take yourself too seriously.

Okay, number five. This is a good one. Don't allow momentary desires to distract you from who you are becoming.

Zac Miller: Okay. I have no idea what that means.

Kim Gravel: Okay. I'm gonna say it again. Don't allow momentary desires to distract you from who you are. This is what happens to us. We gotta go boo boo boo, we gonna do this, we're gonna start this business, and we're going round away and we're very energized and we're getting it, and we're doing the thing and we're accomplishing.

And then something comes in to distract us. Whether it either be a great business deal, but it's a little shady or a little unethical. You're in a great marriage, a great relationship, and you're tempted by the fruit of another, if you know what I mean. Tempted the fruit, sorry, fruit of another. It's always those little momentary desires that distract where that grass looks a little greener because when you are becoming your best self, when you are evolving into this person of success, it does not happen overnight.

I have been working to be sitting in this seat right now talking to you on qvc, on television writing books for over two and a half decades now. Don't get tired. Because it's also not too late for you. I don't care if you haven't been working on something for two and a half decades. I'm not talking about working on the actual products or content or any of that.

I'm talking about, I've been working on becoming a person for this platform. So right now you are becoming what you are called to be. So don't get distract. With a momentary desire that is, is, is nothing more to get you off of your chosen path. Does that make sense?

 I'm thinking about all the like little momentary desires, like all the little traps have fallen in over the years.

All the opportunities I didn't take because I like did something else that seemed so shiny and new or whatever.

Desire is, you know, it's a good word, but also can be a bad word. . You know, just because you desire it doesn't mean it's right for you. And honey, that could be a whole, that could be a whole episode.

Zac Miller: Can I just say having now a five year old, like it makes me sort of realize that like deep down inside, we're all just basically five like where we walk into the store and you're like, I want that and I want that, I want that. I want that. It's like that's what it's like. Yes. I walk around a store with a five year old and like we're all just sort of hiding that in ourselves.

Kim Gravel: But also there's a desire to have revenge. There's a, people have desires that to, you know, control a situation to get what they want. I mean, there's so many things, not just physical things, but there's so many things that we do that distract us from walking in our calling and who we're becoming.

Okay. Number six, don't accept less from others. Now, this is a big one now. Let me just tell you something, okay? Uh, we are living in a less than society period. No one wants to work hard. No one wants to show up. No one wants to do the hard work. No one wants to take the time it takes to do it.

No. Uh, very few people have the stick to itness to really get there. . But I wanna tell you right now, if you are accepting less from yourself or from others, the time to stop is right now. If you are not giving a hundred percent to your life, your dreams and your goals every day, the time to start doing that is right now.

And what happens is that expectation becomes a lazy. Right,

Zac Miller: and breaking the habit it hard, kim

Kim Gravel: expecting less from ourself and from our others if we're not careful, becomes a lazy, habitual process that we do every day. Oh, okay. Well we didn't save that money. We spent, we overspent or we didn't work.

Or we didn't do that homework assignment and it becomes easier and easier. And I'm preaching to the choir here. I have done that over and over and over and over and over. And then what happens is, Zac, we start expecting less from others because we feel the guilt and shame that we have done everything we have to do.

Zac Miller: I've to, I've been there. I live there.

Kim Gravel: I had this conversation recently. With a friend of mine and we were just talking about she had some trauma, from her childhood that she's still dealing with today. And I think we always do. We all have, and pain is pain. So I, I'm not making light of any of our pains from our past, but she was saying to me, Kim, I think your parents really expected a lot of you as a child more so than they did your.

Zac Miller: Oh, interesting.

Kim Gravel: And when she said it, it just, something came all over me and I was almost like, oh my gosh, they did, they still do. ]And then I thought about what I do with my own two children, my eldest, I expect so much more from Beau than I do my youngest. That's really interesting. It's true. And when she said it, it made me. It. It's something like binging me in my inside.

Kind of like it, it was painful. It was like a pain. It was like scratching a scab. Okay. But then she said something that I was like, oh my God, I'm so glad you said this, because I was going down the rabbit hole of, oh my God, my parents, you know, I was going through this whole, bless my heart. Oh my gosh. And I was spiraling outta control.

And then she said, but it was for your training. It trains you to do what you're gonna do, what you're doing now. And I was like, dag gum it that. Number six, from the don't You must always Do in spite, , expect more from yourself. Don't put pressure on yourself to perform better or do it, but expect more of yourself because you're worth it and, and, and it's in you and you have it in you to be everything you were created to be.

Expect it. And then expect it from others. If someone's gonna be your friend, they're gonna make mistakes, but have the expectation of loyalty and kindness and love. Even when you fight, you get back up and you love, even when you have a falling out, you get back up and you make up and you keep on going on expectations and have those upfront.

Like there is no, when Bo comes home, there is no, I'm not gonna do my work tonight cuz I don't Uhuh, you do the work. You do the work or I get your phone. That's the expectation. And he rises and rises and you know, he's doing so well in school and on a great trajectory to graduate with honors and the home, go to college and, and be a successful young man.

But the expectation, I don't let up on that pedal y'all from him. Don't let up expect greatness because it's in you. And when you have that and you're showing that, Others will rise to that occasion

Zac Miller: and you start attracting other people who are also at that level.

Kim Gravel: You do. Come on. That's okay. That's why we, you and I are attracted each other.

All right, here we go. Number seven. This is probably the most important one, and Zac, I'm really gonna preach to the choir with you on this one.

Zac Miller: Okay. Do it.

Kim Gravel: Don't wait for the perfect conditions to live your life. When I lose 10 pounds, I'm. When I save enough money, I'm gonna, when the interest rates go down, I'm gonna, when the new year starts, I'm gonna, when I get where I can work part-time with my full-time job, I'm gonna write that book.

When I wait till my kids write a high school, I'm gonna start that, small business outta my.

When I finished taking care of my, aging parent, I'm gonna then take care of my health. I mean, I, I could go on if y'all want me to, but we're always trying to wait for those perfect conditions and they never come.

Uh, I look back at a picture from 10 years ago. I say, oh my God, if I was just that size 10 years ago, and I remember looking at the picture 10 years and going, oh my God, so terrible. I look terrible when I do this, when I, when I, when I can join a gym, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do something about it.

And I'm always waiting for the perfect conditions to celebrate where I'm at. I'm always waiting for the perfect conditions to take that next step. And I'm telling you, I have learned there is never a perfect time for anything. . There's the right time, but there's never the perfect time.

Zac Miller: Oh, okay, Kim. But how do we know when the right time is?

Kim Gravel: Well, you won't know if there's any time if you don't take a step. Live your life, y'all. We go around this thing one time. Live your life. Start now. And, and, and don't beat yourself up that you didn't start yesterday, cuz there's always today and there's always a tomorrow. But again, we get in this cycle and we start, you know, believing everything.

All this negative stuff that we say about ourselves. We take ourselves too seriously. We, we let momentary distractions and desires, get in the way of becoming who we are meant to be. We accept less from ourselves and then in turn accept it less from others. We neglect our soul.

And then we wait for the perfect conditions to move forward with our lives. , stop. Stop that and start living. And for you that might be taking an art class, that may be painting, that may be writing that journal, that may might be taking that, quiet time, that might be taking that trip to South Africa you've been wanting to take.

That might be, you know, starting a new sport that might be working out, that might be starting a podcast. That might be, you know, doing a numerous amount of things. But just start living your life. Quit waiting for the right conditions. Quit waiting for the right amount of money. Quit waiting for the right person to come along and help you.

None of that is going to happen. None of it. No one's gonna come help you, no one's gonna come. You're not gonna ever have enough money. You're never gonna be in the right age. You're never gonna be at the right, health level. You just gotta start.

And you say, don't think about the hard work. Don't think about what you've gotta sacrifice. Just start, take the first step. If you do these seven don'ts that you must always. You wanna talk about leveling up your life to the point that you'll be coming on the podcast saying, Kim, you're not gonna believe how my life changed.

Because these things are game changers, they're life changers, and the time is now all your pain, all of your trauma, all of your mistakes, all of your, bad decisions. All of your good decisions, all of that. We can talk about the good stuff too, but that ain't what we struggle with y'all. We struggle with shame, what we've done in the past.

I've messed up too much. All of that, all those things are helping you to come to something, become something in all of these things that we mentioned today, this seven don't, you must always do. Those are all little stumbling blocks trying to stop you from living your life. And I wanna tell you, I don't have it all together, but I've lived enough life to sit here and tell you right now, the things that I have learned have come through the rough, tough times, the valleys, I've learned so much more by losing than I ever did winning,and those losses. That pain and that hard-earned work is what has made me be able to sit here and say this to you right now. And I'm telling you, if you ain't dead, you ain't done. There's more for you. So get about it. It's time. It's 2023 y'all. And The Kim Gravel Show is gonna help you level up your life. The Kim Gravel Show is produced and edited by Zac Miller at Uncommon Audio.

Our associate producer is Kathleen Grant, the Brunette Exec. Production help from Emily Bredin and Sarah Noto. Our cover art is designed by Sanaz Huber at Memarian Creative and Mike Kligerman edits the show and a special thanks to the team at QVC. Head over to the kimgravelshow.com and sign up for our mailing list.

Again, we can't do this without you, so thank you for listening and we love you.

You dancing, you look like a muppet from like the 1980s. Like you're just doing like this.

Zac Miller: I'm trying not to like, make noise and be too distracting.

Kim Gravel: No, I mean like, must like, oh, Uhuh, and you're going

Zac Miller: I could like shimmy. Do you want me to shimmy with it?

Kim Gravel: That's better. You, you, you, you are, we are a physical, spiritual.

And what are, what are we, what are the three things? Are we, Zac? Physical, spiritual,

Zac Miller: physical, spiritual, mental and tired. ,

Kim Gravel: What year were you born?

Zac Miller: I was born in 1986.

Kim Gravel: Okay. Go and shut this down. We'll talk to y'all later. Bye. 86. I gotta pull up my panties for that one. .