Transform Your Midlife Crisis into Confidence & Joy with Dawn Barton

*This transcript was auto-generated*

Kim Gravel: Coming up on the Kim Gravel show. Lemme tell y'all something. Listen to me. I will tell you this. And I know this from my rooter to my tutor. I know this with everything I am. You people don't want desperate people connect with real. And let me tell you something, when you figure out who you are and why you're here, if it does not line up with that, I don't care how old you are. Don't do it.

Opening Introduction: Let's just go on and spill the tea. This is The Kim Gravel Show. This is one of the realest persons I've ever met in my darn life. You gotta watch this. My mission is to encourage every single woman, we're here to lift y'all up. There's no one more effective than moms. You mess with the bull. You going to get the horns. I need coffee. I need Jesus and I need therapy. If you can bring a smile to people's faces, why would you not? We love our kids. We love our husbands. What a blessing. We're gonna dedicate this to you in finding your superpower. Okay girl. True confidence is knowing who you are and why you're here.

Kim Gravel: Hey y'all, Kim Gravel here. I just wanna say, have you picked up my book Collecting Confidence yet? If you haven't, it's, it's available wherever books are sold. I've heard from so many of you saying, Kim, it's touched my heart, and I can't tell you. That's the biggest compliment I could ever get. But at the end of this episode, we are gonna be sharing the full audio version of chapter two. So stick around. We've got a great episode for you today and at the end where you can listen to chapter two and remember really how much I love you, and I'm thankful for you, and I appreciate you and y'all get out there and step into your confidence.

Hey everybody, this is Kim and you're watching The Kim Gravel Show. And this season we are gonna be leveling up our lives and stepping into our purpose and our calling, and we're gonna do it together in today's show. Zac, one of my favorite topics, we're talking about joy.

And then midlife. Okay. So I'm not saying midlife is my favorite topic.

Zac Miller: Is that one of your favorite topics, Kim?

Kim Gravel: No, it's not. But I don't hate it. I'm just gonna tell you that I don't hate it. I do think midlife has been really good to me though. I think we are such a society where we think youth, we are so youth obsessed. Yeah. But when I was young, I didn't know my butt from the hole in the ground. And lemme tell you something, I know a lot of people that don't either. I e my children.

Zac Miller: What age do you think you started sort of getting it? Like, oh, how long?

Kim Gravel: Mid thirties.

Zac Miller: Mid thirties. So I'm there like, so right now basically I'm like, I'm a baby.

Kim Gravel: I'm like a, you're a, you're a baby in the midlife, I mean in the midlife, you know, timeline.

I, I will tell you so much. I just, I have, You change too when you get a certain age because what, what used to frustrate me? Get me so like, you know, frustrated and snippy and all that was when I was younger. When, when I was like, come on, people don't get it. Let's go. You know, when people didn't understand me and, and now it, it, yeah, like 50.

I'm just sitting there going, well, if they don't get it, that's okay. You know, like, like my whole, my whole vibe has changed. Like my whole vibe is like with my kids even like, they're like, mom get, and I'm like, well honey, you'll get it one day. You know, I'm, I'm, I'm not as, I'm not as anxious to see things come to pass as I used to because I know that in the right time they will. There's, there's something about midlife that's freeing if we let it, you know.

Zac Miller: Well, I, I agree with you. Are you someone, okay, Kim, are you someone that always tries hard? Like, are you a try hard because I'm a try hard. And I've been thinking about

Kim Gravel: what is a,try hard because I don't like the word try.

I don't, I don't even allow my kids to say the word try. Okay, so what do you mean by try hard?

Zac Miller: Or is this like a Yoda moment? Is this a do or do not first.

Kim Gravel: It's a little yoda and I'll tell you why. But tell me what you mean by try hard first.

Zac Miller: No, I was thinking about this recently, how I feel like I always, I like I'm, I'm someone that tries hard at things, right?

Like I will put in a lot of effort into like whatever it is. Like, even if it's something totally silly, like, oh, I need to replace the like, L e d lights in my kitchen, and I'll spend an hour on like, you know, Walmart's website or whatever looking at like, all the specs of the lights. And I'm like, what, what am I doing right now?

Yeah. I mean, that's like a silly example, but that's what I mean. Like, I'll try everything.

Kim Gravel: Well, I think that's not bad. I mean, trying and putting it means, you know, putting forth effort, you know what I'm saying? It's, it's, you know, an effort to accomplish something. That's what try is. But when it comes to living out our calling or our purpose, or even the joy that we want in our life, I don't, I don't think you can try. I think you just have to do or be that that's the difference between, you can try to change your light bulb, yes. But that word try has a little bit of hint that it possibly could fail. Oh. As humans, we are pre-conditioned to anticipate the failure, not the success. Like we go into things, into competitions, into athletic events, into a business, into a relationship, looking at ways that it could fail.

We don't go into,

 Like my son, he go, he plays tennis and he was in the regions, you know, he was in, him and his partner, doubles partner. They were in the region match, and the night before he was talking about, well, and if they play this way, then we can hit a hit. He was already preparing that. If they started failing what he was going to do.

I don't, I don't agree with that.

Zac Miller: So what do you do instead?

Kim Gravel: So what you have to do is you have to work hard. You have to work hard, and then enjoy that process. That's where the joy comes in. Enjoy. That means as you're doing the work, I'm not saying you don't need to work hard or you don't need to put forth effort, but.

Don't anticipate the fail. And I think that's what we do in midlife. I think we think, oh, okay, it's good. I've got a little bit more time. My kids are grown, but you know, but what am I gonna do? We anticipate there to be a lull or to the be a, a, a, a place we don't fit or we don't have anything to say because we're out to pasture.

Mm-hmm. No, I'm telling you, midlife is a new life. It's time to reinvent and get out there and get after it. My midlife is way more juicy than my twenties and thirties ever dreamed to be in.

Zac Miller: Really? Because you did so much in your late teens, twenties, like you were already someone that someone would point to and say like, oh, she's really successful.

She's Miss Georgia.

Kim Gravel: I was on the struggle bus. I was on the struggle bus. All I was doing was just, it was just trying to be this person and trying to connect and trying to be this and trying to get people to accept me and try to get people to put me on TV and try to get me. I was doing all the things I shouldn't have done.

And now I'm just like people, now people call me on say, can you do this? I can't do that honey. I love you, but I can't do it. Like now, knowing my purpose and my calling, you know, I have this empowered voice and lemme tell y'all something. Listen to me. I will tell you this. And I know this from my ruder to my tutor.

I know this with everything I am. You people don't want desperate people connect with real. And let me tell you something, when you figure out who you are and why you're here, if it does not line up with that, I don't care how old you are, don't do it. People like what they can't have. People like things that don't come easy. I'm telling you. And so now when I'm 50 and I'm going, now, I'm pretty much, you know, that's pretty much not for me. I'm gonna do that and people want it more. And I'm thinking, why didn't I get this when I was, you know, in my twenties and thirties, there's something to midlife that makes it so empowering.

Zac Miller: You know what's funny to hear you say this, Kim, I feel like you're saying this and I'm agreeing with you and I'm nodding along and I'm also in the back of my head like, oh, I'm not there yet. Like, that's how I feel. I'm like, I'm not there yet. And like being totally truthful with you. Like I still feel like I'm probably pushing too hard.

Kim Gravel: Just sit back, exhale, and watch it come to you. Let me ask you something, Zac, when you wanted to do this podcast with me, did you. Was that easy or did you have to try?

Zac Miller: Oh, it was like the easiest thing in the world. It was actually like, it was an email. It was so easy that it was, it was scary. Easy. Yeah.

Yeah. And it was the right time for all of us. And so yeah, that's a really, that's a really,

Kim Gravel: that's my point. That's my point. And midlife is the same way. So the older you keep getting from this point on can be the same way if you just exhale work on you.

And watch it chase you down. People do not believe that.

And they're like, Kim, you just this crazy woman of faith and you just, you know, ask receive, believe and all that. I said, I'm not talking about any of that. I'm just talking about there is an ease to life. That when we are younger, we fight. It's like an old cat in a, seed sack. I don't know if this is a, this is an old farming thing, but like old, like field cats would get into a big old sack of seed, you know, seed sack, a feed sack.

So we'd have the feed frog, all the chickens and all the horses and all that. And it was just burlap sack. And these cats would crawl in these sack, these burlaps sacks and get stuck cuz they're claws. So when you, when you got a bunch of claws on burlap, you can't get out. You know what I'm saying? And that's how we are when we're young.

You know, we're, we're sitting here scratching, we're crying, we're just trying to make it happen. And then, and then if the cat would just relax, it could walk on outta that burlap sack. But that's, that's what happens at midlife. You just exhale and you move on. And that's where the good stuff is. It's not just an, it's, I don't know why it takes us until midlife to most of us to get there, but that's what I would say to young people.

You're like, I can't. In a feed sack that came, you know that. That's exactly what I'm talking about. The struggle.

Zac Miller: Okay, well, I'm gonna get outta that feed sack any day now

Kim Gravel: after this commercial break, we've got a professional joyologist Dawn Barton, and she's gonna tell us about midlife and how to have that battle cry and get busy doing what we're made to do.

We'll be right back.

Hey y'all, it's Kim Gravel here, and I got a question for you. Are you ready to level up your life? Are you tired of having all the self-doubt? Well, if you are, I've got a confidence quiz you've got to take, because no matter where you are in the journey of your life right now is where you start to be everything you were meant to be. So head on over to kimgravel.com to find out how confident you really are.

Let's go. Okay, everybody we have got. The joyoligist here today,

Dawn Barton is here. Let me just give you a little rundown. And you know, I love to laugh and I love happy Zac, and I love Joy, and this woman brings it in the biggest way I have ever seen. She's an author, she's a speaker, she's an entrepreneur, she's been a mentor. She had a best selling book called Laughing Through the Ugly Cry. Okay, hands up if anybody's ever experienced that. That was out in 2020, her new book. I love this. Zac, are you midlife?

Zac Miller: Not, not yet, Kim.

Kim Gravel: Well, don't brag about it.

I love your hesitation, but don't brag about it. Well, she's just, her book is, her book is called The Midlife Battle Cry. Redefining the mighty Second Half. Okay. And it comes out May 9th. So we had to get her on the podcast. She's also got a podcast coming out, called Porch Ramblings. I love it. Coming out in the fall, she just gets on this, these ramblings on the her porch on Instagram.

She does these stories. Y'all gotta go check it out. And the reason I love her, I think the most, and why I relate to Dawn the most is because she just this morning posted this, story on her Instagram saying she has not washed her hair in five days. And I haven't either. So please welcome my sister from another Mr. Dawn Barton. Dawn barton.

Dawn Barton: That was some good stuff. I'm okay if, like, if that's the end, like thank, thank

y'all for coming. We're good to go.

That's all you need to know. Thank you. But Zac, I have to say, We did do a survey of what people thought midlife was and it came back 37 to 65.

Zac Miller: Ooh. Okay. Well, I'm 36, so, oh, I'm not there yet.

Kim Gravel: Not there yet. Wait a minute, Dawn, wait a minute. Midlife is up to 65 now. Who's saying that? A 65 year old.

Dawn Barton: Well, that's what I was laughing. I was like, who's the 37 year old thinking? She's midlife. I was going the other way. I was like, your baby needs a hug.

Kim Gravel: Yeah. If 65 is midlife, we're in good shape, girl.

We're in good shape. We're in good shape. Okay, Dawn, welcome to the podcast. I'm so glad.

Dawn Barton: Thank you for having me. I'm so happy to be with you.

Kim Gravel: I, I, I just love your message. I love your spirit. Y'all have gotta go follow her on her social media. But dawn, you've gotta define for us what is a joylogist first.

Dawn Barton: I, you know, I've been half tempted to have them take that outta all my media stuff because I love to say that about myself.

But then when they go, like, can you explain that? I'll explain what happened.

So there I was. What happened was I was talking to my friend Caroline Brem. What happened with, I was talking to Caroline Boudreaux and I said, Caroline, I have just left this great big career. My book's not out yet. I, I can't really say I'm an author, but all I wanna do is I wanna stand on mountaintops and really tell people about joy and she goes, ah, you're a joyologist. I'm, I am. I am.

So there you go. There you go.

Kim Gravel: Well, I, I think you are, you're, you're actually, I'm gonna say you're a little bit contagious, in just getting to know you over your social media. It's, it's so refreshing to see someone like yourself be real and honest and authentic with some of the things that you've been through in your life.

 Because you, you really dive deep to any, in your first book, you've, and I'm not saying anything y'all, that she hasn't already said. She's, she's divorced, she lost a child. She had to bury her child. You're a rape survivor. You've battled stage four cancer. Dawn, you really know what it means to. Be joyful, but what did you learn through all of those valleys about what true joy is?

Dawn Barton: Yeah, I think that, I wrote a book about Joy, but it's actually a book about all the really horrible, you know, losing a child, being raped and going to a full jury trial, having, it's actually stage three, cancer, and my mother having a brain aneurysm. My sister passed away. It was like these tsunamis of pain through life, but through it, I, like, I always feel a little sorry for people that don't have the tsunamis of pain in life because it's sort of in the valleys that we had this incredible relationship with god.

Like, I'm not ever standing on a, when my life is so good, I don't think I give thanks and cries out to the level I do in a valley. Right? I mean, I like, because i, no one throws better pity parties than me. Nobody. And, So I just started figuring out through all those valleys, not necessarily like, not in the moment that I was going through the loss of my daughter.

 But I did see joy in how people responded, how people helped, how people stepped up. Yeah. And so I just started being a little more on purpose about living a life that you look for joy. In this last year, we've been through just the ringer on the caretaking thing with my mom. And I really have tried to be on purpose about looking for it in the medical staff, in looking for it in funny moments.

You know, the things we could laugh about. It's just everywhere. We just gotta look for it.

Kim Gravel: Well, Dawn, I, I totally agree with you. It's, I think that we learn and grow more in those valleys than we do the mountaintops. But when, when you, when you look around today, what's going on in the world, I mean, it is topsy-turvy out there.

You know, sometimes we think what's up is down and what's down is up. And, and it's just such a, unsettling time. And I, I think that that's par for course coming out of, you know, the lockdown and the pandemic that we did. A lot of people reevaluated their life, right? Like a lot of people took stock.

And like, what am I supposed to be doing? Why am I here? What is my purpose? What is it all four? When you talk about this midlife moment, I think, I think. Whoever answered from like 37 to 65, it's kind of right, because midlife, you know, when we're young, we're just, we're just carefree and we really don't plan, you know, we're just, just shooting blanks out here.

Just, you know, swinging from the chandelier, you know, in our life and not having real purpose. But when you get in that thirties, you're just like, okay, hold up. Wait a minute. What is this all about? What is it about midlife that really sparks this like interest in, you know, purpose and what's for us and what, why we are here, why God created us?

What is that about you and why did you decide to write this book about it?

Dawn Barton: Because I went through a great big, I had written my first book that beautifully released smack dab in the minute May of 2020, right in the middle of a pandemic. Wow. And, we moved and we moved into this living situation of, my, we have a 16 year old and my mother-in-law lives in the house with us and my parents live next door to us 66 steps away.

 So we moved out here, kind of the clamps went to the country and my life changed dramatically. I, you know, we are, I was the number seven producer in Mary Kay Cosmetics and I left it all. Oh my gosh. To, yeah, I left it all to write this book. I had a dream. I know I sound like a lunatic. I had a dream. God. Something you don't book.

Kim Gravel: No, you dont.

Dawn Barton: I'm not. I, I don't write, I don't take notes. I don't journal. I'm not your girl. But I did. And it became a bestseller and it won, you know, new Christian author of the year. And it was just like such a great God story.

But after all that I was, I mean, the world was just stood still for me to govern that fast-paced thing.

And then writing the book, and then I stopped. And when I stopped, I thought, I thought, I'm embarrassed to say like God had forgotten me. I thought I felt invisible. I felt like a racehorse that had been put out to pasture. The fat lady had sung that the world was done with Dawn Barton and I was 50 years old at the time.

 And I, like I said, I throw great big Southern hand on the head. Pity parties. Rarely does anyone ever come.

 But I throw 'em a lot.

Kim Gravel: Me too girl.

Dawn Barton: And I decided, all right, now, now that the pity party is has run its course, Let's fight to figure myself out again. But, and, and it wasn't, let's get back to who you were in your twenties.

It was, let's redefine who you are today. Like what does that look like? And it started with something as stupid as. What color do I like to wear? My closet was, come on now, filled with black and gray and these boring colors. And I was like, no, I'm a coral. I'm a pink. I'm a color girl. What happened that I started dressing to step back in the world?

There's something that happens to us in our fifties, late forties where we start to shrink a little and it's ridiculous cuz it's literally the best we've ever been.

Our, our boobs are not, but the rest of us is totally the best we've ever been in life.

Kim Gravel: Yes. I would say, I would say yes, our boobs have been through a lot at this point, but it is, I agree with you. It's the best it's ever been. So, so, cuz everybody's listening right now and so many people are right there with you, Dawn, and actually might be in that moment of going, what, God, do you want me to quit my, you know, lucrative job to write a book?

Like, what was that moment for you? What, what made you decide, I'm gonna take that step? I loved what you said, Dawn. I'm telling you, this is so powerful. When you said I had to fight to figure it out. What is that? What fight are you talking about, girl?

Dawn Barton: I'm saying we need to be a participant in our own rescue.

Like we can just sit around and talk about that. The kids have left. I don't have purpose, I don't think we'll figure it out. I, I think we give, we, We throw pity parties longer than we should, but you know, yeah. It's not like we get to the midlife point. I think we see this invisible curve and we're at the top of the curve and we're about to go downhill and that's so ridiculous.

That's the world. That's such a big lie. It isn't at all. It's not like God said, oh, thank you for coming. Listen, here's your number. Go sit, watch Netflix. I'll call you when your time's up. Like we're done with you. He uses us all the way through. So why on earth do we ever pull back and give the microphone to somebody in their twenties who doesn't know what a chin hair is?

Right.

Kim Gravel: I love it cuz I'm sitting here feeling my two or three I got right now. Oh my God. Absolutely love it, Dawn. It's, it's so true. And, and you're, you're firing me up, sis. I mean, you're speaking to me right now because we are in this together. You and I, we could be, you know, I was born in 71. When were you born?

You were in the, you're seventies baby, aren't you?

Dawn Barton: Seven 70. 70.

Kim Gravel: Yeah. So, I mean, we're right there together. And it is, it is so true that, I mean, my mom, who is 76, Dawn is living her best life. She is a model on qvc. I mean, who would've thk it, right? But when you said yes to your future in that midlife moment, what is it like today for you? Like, are you happy? Are you sad? Is it, is it, is it easy? Is it hard? I mean, what is it right now for you? Because I think people think, oh, I'm just gonna give it to God and it's just gonna be amazing. But they don't realize it's, it's still the journey.

Dawn Barton: Yeah. And I, I think, again, you're fighting for it. So what I find humorous as, I don't think I'd ever would've looked at 53 years old and I was gonna be probably the busiest I'd been in a very long time.

Now, what's different about that is I have the wisdom at this point to pick what my busy is and where I want it to be. And I have no problem saying no to stuff like, I have a whole chapter in the book called Hale to the No, like we have got to say no.

Kim Gravel: Love that. You know, we have to say no.

Dawn Barton: Yeah, we have to say no. So right now my life is filled with a lot of things I've said yes to, and I like the way it looks.

Kim Gravel: Well, I like this quote from your book where you say, if you're like me, you've spent the last few decades bending and giving and morphing to serve so many different people and jobs and the communities that are no longer sure. And you're no longer sure. What's left for you, left of you.

As women. What do you mean by that?

Dawn Barton: Well, I, I think one of the, probably the easiest, but of course there are women out there without children, but one of the easiest is you've, you've bent so much in raising children and giving so much of who you are to raising children, and then these children have, you've done your job, they've grown and flown, and you.

You forgot to be raising you alongside it so you feel a little bit lost. You're, not quite sure what your purpose is anymore. Not quite sure of identity. But it also can happen if just, there's just this shift. I, I feel like it's the shift in life where God takes us by the shoulders and he's like, wake up. Like, this is time for you to fully live. No more stepping back. No more.

Kim Gravel: I can totally relate to what you're saying. I mean, I would just love to sit down and grab some dinner and have a coffee with you and, and let's just talk and just talk about this cuz I think I'm not alone out here feeling that.

That's why I think your book is gonna be so amazing and touch so many people. But why do you think we shrink back?

Dawn Barton: I think that we have a, a society that raises up youth and raises up a, a physical appearance of a certain type. So when we no longer fit into that, We think we're supposed to shrink back. But it's absolutely not true.

But I think that we do pull back because we aren't physically what we used to be. And if I'm gonna be really honest, there was a season I was shrinking back because I was starting to have things like, you know, why did I walk in this room? So it's like I wasn't functioning at the same brain level. I was having more brain fog. I was having all the things that are happening with your body. I went out after that really proactively to kind of, you know, I started eating clean, which is just horrid. I just might add.

No, I

Kim Gravel: agree. No, we can talk about that in a real way. That really stinks. Right? It does dawn, like it stinks,

Dawn Barton: like, let me eat all the things and all the carbs and all the bread and all the fats and be my best self.

Kim Gravel: Right? Dawn, this morning I stopped by the local food mart, Zac, you'll love this cuz Zac knows this about me. And I bought what these hostess cake called zingers. Have y'all ever had zingers? They're like a chocolate devil's food. Nothing. Think they're called devil's food for a reason with a little icing on ' em.

And there's a set of three. Have you ever had 'em?

Dawn Barton: No.

Zac Miller: It sounds amazing.

Kim Gravel: Oh my God, y'all, it's the best thing's ever. It's got a, a little cream fill. It's like a chocolate twinky. An ice chocolate.

Dawn Barton: Bless this for the, a nourishment of my body, Lord.

Kim Gravel: Mm-hmm. Just pray. Just pray it. Zac, what were you gonna say?

You were, you were trying to chime me in. I interrupted you.

Zac Miller: Oh, I was, I was just gonna ask Dawn, what, what does eating clean mean like for you? Because I think it needs something different for a lot of people.

Dawn Barton: Yeah. It with no, Well, I actually do have a, a reaction to gluten. So I'm gluten intolerant. So it's no gluten, no sugar.

 No fun, no life, no nothing good. You know, it just sucks.

Kim Gravel: Okay. That's what we're gonna say. Yeah. That's terrible.

Dawn Barton: Best I ever feel though. It's, yeah.

Kim Gravel: Yeah. I feel great, but I'm miserable. I love it. Isn't that, Hey, that sounds a, exactly, that sounds a little bit like marriage. But anyway, that's another podcast. We'll talk about that later. That's your next book.

That's your next book. Okay. I feel great, but I'm miserable. Here we go, right. Oh, that's, you might wanna cut that out. No, but it's true. But, I'm keeping it. I know, I knew you would. So, so, Dawn, tell me, tell me what. What's your hope is for this book? What do you hope when women open it up and read it? And I'm gonna tell y'all I'm gonna push Dawn's book.

Okay. Because I'm telling you, she has got so many nuggets of wisdom and life applicable things for us. So what is your hope? What is your, what is your,

 I wanna say your prayer for everyone who picks up this book,

Dawn Barton: if I were to put it in two words, is that it. Makes her f Well, I can't say anything in two words.

So scrap that whole thing. The, I would say that i, I was like, what was that? That was stupid. Might be battle cry, a hug, a battle crying, and a hug. So I, I want her to, if she has started to pull back and she is starting to question what happened to me, you know, I'm feeling flailing, I'm feeling a little lost, that it brings her back out again.

But that it also feels like your girlfriend is sitting next to you, laughing with you, giving you a hug, and we're laughing about all the ridiculous things as we go forward, you know?

Kim Gravel: And, and, and don't you think we need each other? I mean, you have these retreats annually for girls that can come together and just do life together.

And look, we, if you're married and your husband and your kids, and they're fantastic. I mean, we love them. I say this to my husband all the time, Dawn, I love you, but don't touch me. I mean, I love him to death. He is the man of my life. But there's just something about.

When girls come together and we come into community together and, and you were saying it and you say it a lot in your book, what, what is it about that, that the sisterhood, especially sisterhood of women of faith, but just sisterhood in general, what is it about it that's so special?

Dawn Barton: First of all, I think we are wired for it. Like we are innately made to be in community with other women, to be with other women that is, we are emotional creatures and we are meant for that far more than I think men are. But we must be in community. And if you are in a season, I have been in seasons.

We, I had a life group here last night and we talked about seasons where you feel even when you have friends very alone, that you have to fight for that. And a lot of that, that comes from vulnerability. You know, that intimacy comes from getting really vulnerable. When we, I do, I hold women's retreats and the first thing we do within that first hour's is just break 'em down.

Like get yeah, vulnerable, get raw. And as soon as one person does it, The, you know, it's like that somebody took a hammer to glass. So I think as women, we have to get vulnerable with each other, and that creates this, this closeness because it's just in, in, in emitting the hard things or just that the everyday life things.

Because so many women think they're the only one. And the reality is most of those things you think you're the only one about we're all going through, which is what birthed the book. You know, me sitting with friends and going, you too, you feel that way too.

You, you know, I remember a girlfriend of mine telling me the story of her daughter who was, is in her thirties now that she, we were all in Mary Kay together, the daughter as well.

And she always used to be, she's stunning. She was always part of the pictures, like somebody take our picture and then they started asking her to take the picture. And she was devastated. And I think that we don't know how to handle that little pivot in life. And so we start to pull back and the reality is you just go, no, hold on. Selfie with y'all behind me. You know? So we just said we to do it different.

Kim Gravel: Lot of times I'm waiting for someone to recognize what I, what value I add. I mean, I've done that for so long, and now I think I'm in this place in my life where I'm gonna tell you the value I add. And if you like it fantastic.

If not, God bless, be blessed. And, and, and I, I don't try to convince anymore, people that I am valuable and that I am intelligent or beautiful or anything. Don't you think that's where you get to this point? Isn't that one of the reasons you wrote this book?

You want women to, to stand up and, and be what God's created them to be?

Dawn Barton: Absolutely. 100%. And no apologies, that's one of the great things that comes with age too, is this. This little level of, I don't care, not necessarily in the, in the most radical of ways, but in the most beautiful of ways, you know? And that I know my value. I know what I bring to the table. And if you don't, you, you take the time to search for it and you go, like I said, rescue yourself.

 Nobody's gonna love you and fight for you more than you ever will. So I think that's why we have to start, you know, put an app, the app on your phone, in the notes, and go start writing down all those good little gifts and the things you bring to the table and what makes you unique and what makes you awesome, and the things that bring you joy.

Start writing it down because you're amazing.

Kim Gravel: I love that. Yes. Start listing it out cuz we, we forget, we are really hard on ourselves as women. All right? What is your joy practice? What are the things that you do every day that brings you joy? Because I, I, I think people are joy starved. I mean, cuz joy's different than happy, right?

Dawn Barton: Mm-hmm. Yeah, for sure. Mm. Well, I actually really literally do keep a list. So I will say that in true.

Kim Gravel: I love that.

Dawn Barton: I, I believe in, I had to figure out years ago what were my positive triggers and negative triggers, and if I kept a running list always of what positive triggers are, then I always had something to look at and do.

Even from the simplest things of take a bath and light a candle to, nature's really big for me to go outside. I wanna, I don't wanna sweat or anything, but I definitely love the, the outside and some flowers and it just fills my soul. But for me, I know that when I begin my s I like to wake up before anyone else wakes up.

That is the start of a very good day for me. And some days I'm great about getting in his word. Right. You know, off the bat, I'd love to tell you this perfect story, but some days I'm not. Some days I'm in a rocking chair with coffee and, and some days I'm, you know, listening to worship music. But that alone time is, brings me joy.

It sets me up for the day. And I'm also really s I would say I, I have practiced for a long time being self-aware.

Kim Gravel: Oh, that's a big one.

Dawn Barton: Yeah. And it's taken a lot of work. So I wouldn't say that it's just this. One simple practice. It's that I've worked on it for a long time to be self-aware of. I've struggled with depression for years, and I, so I fight to make sure that I stay on the other side of it and that I do all the things that keep me there.

Kim Gravel: Well, I gotta tell you, I'm so glad to be part of your, you know, midlife community. I think that, I think community is everything, especially for, you know, us women that we stand and lock arms together, support each other, love each other, lift each other up. And dawn, you are a lifter of people. Y'all have gotta go get this book.

Okay? So before you, before we say goodbye, because I could talk to you all day, I do this thing on the podcast for everybody that comes on, girl. And it's called Rapid fire. Rapid Fire questions. I just want the first thing that pops first thing in your head. Come back to first thing. Okay, here we go. Yeah. What is your favorite thing about yourself?

Dawn Barton: My hair.

Kim Gravel: I know you got good hair, girl.

Dawn Barton: I know. What did I, should I have given a more internal, like Oh, my ability to No, no. You know, love others. No, it's my hair.

Kim Gravel: I, that's why I love you, because you have like, do you have fine hair too? Like the dirtier it gets, the thicker it gets, the more products you got in it.

I wish I had your hair.

Dawn Barton: Just not so much. I, I don't know what this, whatever that neck thing is, that is not a favorite thing right there. No. The extra chin and whatever's going on in that upper arm also not a favorite thing. Yeah. No. Mm-hmm.

Kim Gravel: What's the ideal way to spend 30 minutes for you,

Dawn Barton: listening to music and dancing by myself

Kim Gravel: mm, good one. Good one, good one. At what age, what age did you become a real adult?

Dawn Barton: 53, I hope. I dunno what that means, but I hope maybe I never am.

Kim Gravel: You know, like, I love it. I love that. If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be?

Dawn Barton: Each age I'm getting to is my favorite, so I truly would say 53 right now. This really has been my favorite age.

Kim Gravel: I love it. I love it.

Okay. What movie do you always watch when it's on tv?

Dawn Barton: The one in my head that I'm is Shaw Shank Redemption, but that's not

truly my favorite. Would say Pretty Woman.

Kim Gravel: I love that movie.

Dawn Barton: It's a great movie. It doesn't take me much to get pulled into a tv. It's like a, a moth to a flame. I'm like, oh gosh, look. Oh, I like this one. So, you know, I'm not that fine tuned.

Kim Gravel: What is your favorite junk food?

Dawn Barton: Mm. Ice cream.

Kim Gravel: Mm. I was, I had a hankin for that last night. Okay. What is the best advice you'd give to your younger self?

Dawn Barton: That, that they, I dunno how to say this nicely, that people really aren't watching that much. Nobody really cares. Like, wear the outfit you wanted to wear. Don't overthink it. Wear, decorate your house the way you wanna do it. Don't overthink it. Nobody really cares. That would be mine.

Kim Gravel: You're so right. My daddy used to always say that. He said, Kim, I said, quit worrying about what people think cuz they're not thinking about you anyway.

Um mm-hmm. What does it mean to you to be confident

Dawn Barton: doing the things you wanna do. Going to places you want to go with a smile on your face, not holding back. That to me is confidence. Confidence in who you are and do, and because of that, you do the things that you secretly wanna do.

Kim Gravel: All right. Last question.

Who is your celebrity crush?

Dawn Barton: Okay, I'm gonna answer this, but it's not really Okay. Can I qualify my answer? Do I just have to say the name?

Kim Gravel: Nope. Nope. That's not how it works. You can, you just have to say the name afterwards. Just say the name and then explain why.

Dawn Barton: Okay. It, it needs explanation. Matthew McConaughey.

Kim Gravel: That's fantastic.

Dawn Barton: I have to tell you why though. Okay. Cuz I'm, I, I didn't particularly care for him. I'm just not a huge fan. And just roll, roll with me a second cuz I'm sounding ho horrible.

Kim Gravel: I'm I'm with you. I'm with you.

Dawn Barton: I'm, he did that movie Ma Magic, he did the movie Magic Mike, and there's this scene where his legs are crossed and he has nothing on, and he bends over and they film it from the back.

And I've never gotten that vision outta my head. So it really was not, like I said, I had to qualify this answer, but he just did that book called Green Light. Yeah. And

the audio book I thought was so phenomenal that as when I went to read my audiobook, I'm like, oh yes, I am gonna be like, Matthew, I'm gonna read this full on.

I got this, I'm gonna do this. And the engineer as I was reading it, and he was like, I was like, I'm trying to do like Matthew McConaughey. And he was like, yeah, stop.

So that is why I said his name.

Kim Gravel: I love how you said Magic Mike in the naked behind the scenes shot. And then green light audiobook all in the same sentence. So I'm gonna leave you with this. All right? All right. All right.

Fantastic. Dawn, I love you. Okay, y'all Dawn Barton's book, Midlife Battle Cry, redefining the mighty second half comes out. Next week. You've gotta get it. This is, she's joy, she's wisdom. She's lived a life, that is worth reading about. And Dawn, I love you like a sister.

Dawn Barton: I feel the same. I feel the same.

Kim Gravel: All right. You gotta have me on your podcast when it launches this fall. So she's gonna do her Porch Ramblings podcast is coming out in the fall. Go by the book everywhere books are sold. And Don, you gotta come back, sis come back and be on the show.

Dawn Barton: I'm free like in an hour yet. Like we can record another one, but we're good to go.

But it can just be our show.

Kim Gravel: Why not? Why not?

Hey y'all, thank you for sticking around. Now is the time we're gonna give you the sneak peek. Listen of my new book Collecting Confidence. It's chapter two. If you ain't dead, you ain't done. Enjoy

Chapter two. If you ain't dead, you ain't done. Sometimes a storm in your life is what will blow you to the place you are longing to be.

Beth Moore, I had prepared for the pageant, but not for life. After I lost the Miss America pageant, there was nowhere else for me to go. I'd competed at the highest pageant level and lost my lifelong dreams. Were no longer gettable and like a box of cereal, too high on the grocery store shelf outta reach.

Time to move on. But I no longer believed anything. I used to believe about myself. I didn't believe I had talent. Anything unique about me or an interesting point of view. I'd lost control of my life and didn't have a map or G p s, so I did what I thought everyone expected me to do. You know, the cultural default mode for me in my early twenties, especially back then was obvious.

I was supposed to fall in love, get married, have kids, and paint the picket fence white. Little did I know you can't pattern your life after a Hallmark movie. One evening when I was 20 years old, I got a gig singing in a local nightclub. I was soulfully singing Aretha Franklin and EDTA James songs with a full house band.

When I noticed the owner watching me from the back of the club, he looked more like a bouncer. Maybe he was about 10 years older than I was. He was tall with dark hair and a muscular build. Quick smile. Girl. I melted. We started dating and I played a part, the sweet little submissive woman who'd be a great quiet wife.

Okay, stop laughing. Really, y'all stop after a whirlwind romance. He proposed and I said yes. We told my parents while sitting at their kitchen table, are you an idiot, Kim? This is the biggest mistake of your life. My mom said,

She knew the relationship wasn't right.

He was like a wild horse that could never be tamed.

Do what you want. She said to him, but she'll never stay with you. Now you think this would've slowed my role, but it didn't. I went into planning mode, focusing more on the wedding than the actual marriage. I had a stunning dress that looked like Cinderella had walked through an explosion of a sequence.

Factory America had a tools shortage that year because my veil used every yard. Plus my bouquet was bigger than my body. The marriage might not have looked good to my friends and family, but the wedding sure did. The fantasy world, I'd been concocting disappeared. The moment I placed my foot in the aisle.

I looked at my white satin shoe and it felt like lead. I was making a mistake, but I couldn't turn back. Now it was too late. I was too far gone, so I placed one foot down, then the other marching slowly down the wrong path. I said the vowels and drank the Kool-Aid, but I was as fake as the pearls around my neck.

And after the wedding, things began to unravel. Look, I'm not gonna go into all the details, but he was wild as a buck. He never pretended to be otherwise, but it felt different once we were married. I couldn't live like that. Okay? I'll be real with you. It wasn't totally his fault. I was the faker, not him.

He was the same guy the whole way through. He married me because of what I was pretending to be. That sound you hear, is my mama somewhere in Atlanta yelling? I told you so, but ignore her. This is just me and you. I'm just trying to say that I don't blame him for any of this. You see when things go wrong, we want to blame everyone, our ex, our boss, our parents, and even the mailman.

But I had to own my junk. And y'all, I had more than Fred Sanford. Two years later I left. As a married couple, we didn't have much other than a red Ford pickup truck in my name, which would get repoed if I left it up to him to pay the monthly bill, so I kept it. I don't want you driving around in a pickup truck.

My dad told me he bought my mom a new car every two years and hated the thought of me tooling around town in such a masculine ride, especially since he had bought my mom a new silver Firebird. When I was in high school, this ride seemed like a downgrade to him, but I had no choice. After a quick search, I got a job leasing apartments at a complex on Jimmy Carter Boulevard in metro Atlanta.

Situated on a street full of strip malls, tattoo parlors, and no tail motels and sheep constructed buildings. As an employee, the owner gave me a discount on the lease. When I moved in, I stood back and marveled my whole life fit into a small U-Haul trailer alone. I began to unpack. The tears I was crying must have blinded my vision because when I unpack a wedding gift, an expensive vase, I dropped it and watched it break into a thousand pieces, and that's how my heart felt.

Shattered, hopeless, weary, weighed down. Still, I did what I had to do. I swept it all up and tried to make a home. I didn't have much to work with. My new place had a small bedroom, dingy carpet walls, thinner than water and carpet in the bathroom. But it also had a dining room, sunroom fireplace, and a beautiful wooded view.

Dad didn't see its attributes and when he came over for the first time, he frowned. He wasn't the stereotypical protective dad who tried to clean up my messes. He always empowered me to protect myself. Even though my parents ended up with the country club life, they built everything they had from the ground up.

They knew I'd made my bed and I had to lie in it. Though this life wasn't what Dad had envisioned for me, he knew it wasn't what I envisioned for myself. Dreaming was over. This was just straight up survival. I'd ruined my life and needed to figure out plan B. What are people gonna think about me? I cried to him as we stood in that apartment.

Everyone came to the wedding, and now Kim, I have some news for you. He stopped me right there. They're not thinking about you at all. They're thinking about themselves, and he was right. This dingy CD apartment was a physical reminder of the mess I'd made of my own life. But I was determined to make a palace out of that place.

I tried to make it reflect my true self, who was my true self. I didn't know anymore. No idea. And surely to goodness, not this. I got cleaning supplies. I scrubbed, I vacuumed and cleaned that apartment until it sparkled like Prince Charming's teeth. First I painted the boring 10 walls pink and y'all think Pepto-Bismol pink.

My neighbor, who was single and recently divorced too, came over to help me. She painted the walls and I handled the trim. Then I got a white couch, a shower curtain with big pink flowers on it and a rug to cover up the dingy carpet. I went to a furniture rental place that had old stuff they couldn't rent anymore.

And there I found a gorgeous white lacquer dining room set on, which I applied white nail polish to cover up most of the nicks and dings. I bought dishes from the grocery store and hung pictures on the walls. Think 1980s, art Deco Duran Duran album cover type art. And when I was finished paint splatters, dried on my sweatpants.

I looked around and I said, yeah, that's more like it. Dad would call me every morning at six o'clock on the way to work. He was my therapist, my life coach. Before life coaches were a thing. He would say, it's just so hard for me to watch you go through this. He knew I needed to figure out what went wrong.

Even trying to figure it out was exhausting. I tried to stay so busy, I wouldn't feel the regret and exhaustion, but the loneliness outpaced my busyness. It caught up with me. I read a lot of books at night and sometimes I just sit in silence and think about how everyone had been, right. I wasn't enough. I was a piece of junk.

One evening I cried out, God, where are you? Am I enough? And to my astonishment, he spoke back in a still small voice. And since I had nothing else to do and nowhere else to go, I listened. I've got you. And are you ready for what I really have for you? It's not for the fainthearted. Lean in, hush and listen.

Do nothing and I'll bring you what you need. Stop flailing. It's just me and you. God didn't give me a to-do list and he wasn't breaking me down and starting from scratch, he was positioning me for my calling. That was it. I was 23 years old and already divorced. I felt like a failure. It was so painful and hard, but looking back it was difficult in the best kind of way.

I had nothing to lose in everything to gain. When life puts you in a position of pause, it can be exciting. I was alone with my thoughts, a dangerous place to be, and I decided to get to know God more. You see, my grandfather was a preacher, but in this moment, I realized I needed my own faith, not the borrowed kind passed down for generations.

I opened my Bible and I drank it in the scripture, jumped off the page, and slapped me in my face. It was so real, but not only did it challenge me, it comforted me every single day, and so did my dad. He showed up at my apartment one day holding a picture. What'd you bring me? I asked a picture of you. He said, as he handed it to me.

To my surprise, it wasn't some childhood photo of me eating birthday cake or riding a tricycle. Dad, this is a seagull. Eating a frog. I said that he loft it. Look close, he smiled. The head of the frog was in the seagull's mouth, but the frog with his little hand still free was choking the seagull.

Outmatched. He refused to relent to the jaws of defeat. You're this one, he said, pointing to the frog. Never give up. This stuck in my crawl, but in a good way. As I held that frog picture, I accepted the fact that life is 89.5% hard, and the rest is pretty good. It's not gonna be easy, but I was gonna try to be like that frog.

You see, life is hard. God is good, and people are crazy, including me. And when I figured that out, the right opportunities emerged, how quickly we can go from being on top to not just too short. Years ago, from competing in Miss America to sitting alone, divorced in a one bedroom apartment on Jimmy Carter Boulevard.

A few weeks later, my phone rang, can you come sing at our event? You know, there's nothing like being broke to make you appreciate an offer like that.

Honey, I couldn't have said yes fast enough.

I would've sung at the grocery store. Now, I wasn't hustling and trying to force anything. I was just accepting what came my way.

No matter how small, I just sat still and let go of the anxiety. I didn't force it. I also didn't get attached to what success should look like. I just walked through the doors that opened. What else was I gonna do? Slowly, day by day through drawing closer to God and having long talks with my dad, I began to remember I was enough.

More than enough. It was hard to believe, but that door slightly cracked open, and I began to see a better existence just waiting for me. Could it be true? I wasn't convinced, but I felt God's affection, and it was hopeful and comfortable, like a cozy blanket on a dark winter's night. I wrapped God's love around me, pulled it up to my chin and nestled into its swarm.

We're always collecting something as we travel along life's road pain, bitterness, sorrows. But during this time, I began collecting confidence again. It took chipping away all those extraneous things for me to find out what really mattered. Tough stuff does that. And you see, I'm hardheaded, and maybe I needed a little extra time to understand what I was called to do.

I started to exchange the shame of my divorce for the strength of my testimony. I turned around self-absorbed why me attitude, and started being grateful for even the smallest blessings that came my way. I became grateful for all the time I spent alone working on myself because I was developing my relationship with God.

I started looking at my past failures as preparing me for something bigger. I'd gone down to the bottom of the barrel, at least as far down as I could have gone at that age because I was divorced at 23 and I had to actually bring a calculator to the grocery store just to make sure my check didn't bounce more than once.

I had to put the box of Cheerios back on the shelf. I'd gone from what seemed like a pinnacle to an old beat up pickup truck and painted furniture with nail polish. I knew why I'd gone through all of this turmoil at such a young age. You can't make as many bad decisions as I had and then act surprised when it all unravels.

But through all the struggles, I began to understand the why of my life, and you can use your dark moments to understand your why's as well. Do you believe that everyone has a calling? I've traveled the world and asked audiences if they believe that people have a calling. Without fail, every hand goes up.

But when I ask how many are living, their life's calling cue to crickets. We can't just ignore the question like a calculus problem, too hard to figure out. We think of calling as external, but just like in those horror movies, the call is coming from inside the house. It's internal. That's what haunts us.

Our calling is haunting us because we know we have a big one, but we can't seem to put our finger on it. The lack of knowing your calling might manifest differently in your life. Do you ever say things like these, I'm just so tired. If I could just lose 20 pounds, I'm just a housewife. If I could just figure out what I wanna do, these chats start with just an end with what's wrong with me.

What they're really asking is, what's my calling? It might seem mysterious and impossible, but I begin to ask to search, to beg for understanding. I was flat on my face before God, month after month, asking Why am I on this planet? Then like Arnold Hach from the TV show. Welcome back Carter. My calling raised its hand and got my attention.

When I acknowledged it, the answer spilled out to my surprise. I already knew it when I was a kid. I was convinced I was created to sing and talk. I used to line up my dolls, grab my hairbrush microphone, and perform a concert

worthy of Carnegie Hall.

I sang to my toys, I sang at church. I sang to anyone who would stand still long enough for me to finish a song.

My first singing gig was at a local preliminary WWF wrestling match at Brookwood High School when I was 10 years old. I walked out there with my plaid skirt and my Argo socks carrying a boom box and listening to the instrumental version of Angels Watching Over Me by Amy. Grant. I was scared to death, and I even peed on myself a little bit.

But Honey, I belted that song to all those down home tatted wrestling fans, and back then I knew why I was created, but life beat it out of me. Heck, maybe I just got distracted by the sexy nightclub owner. And there it was right there. Again, familiar, smiling, Hey, it's me again. But my calling in life was not an occupation.

It was a vocation. Maybe you've heard people use occupation and vocation interchangeably, but they're not the same. An occupation is what you decide to do. A vocation is following a voice, the Latin word. Vocare meaning to call and God is the one who calls in my occupation. I could be a professional singer or communicator.

Sure, and and just like you might be an accountant or a nurse or a school teacher, but our jobs are just the setting for our callings. As Dr. Dan Aller, the renowned therapist wrote, our calling is not what we do, but how we do it. I'm not talking about what you fill out on a form on the blank that says work.

I'm talking about vocation, which is more divine, more exciting. Having said that, a person's calling is usually short enough to fit in a blank. Usually it's one or two words by now, we're friends. So I'll go ahead and tell you mine edification, and that's a 10 gallon word for building up. You know you found your calling when it not only helps you, but also spills over to others around you In service, self-help is fine, but helping others is power.

I accomplish my calling of the edification of others through my singing, my talking, but I also do it with my fashion and cosmetic lines. I'm trying to do it with this book too. In fact, I don't do anything without the express purpose of building up those around me. Nothing that simplifies life. Did my childhood self know that?

No. But my calling had been speaking to me for years, gently giving me hints, hoping I'd one day sit down at that white table in my first apartment on Jimmy Carter Boulevard and put the pieces of the puzzle together so I could finally see the picture emerge. You're calling. And you have a big one is the common thread song in your life story, and it's always knocking at your door.

We take it for granted. We think, oh, that's nothing special, because it comes easy and natural for me. But pay attention to what causes you joy because it'll give you uncommon energy. It'll surprise you and you don't have to chase your calling by looking for it, trying to create it or conjuring it up from nothing.

You don't play whack-a-mole with it. It doesn't pop up randomly and then disappear. If you don't pounce on it quick enough, your calling chases you sit back, put down your mallet and watch. You are where you need to be. And when I turned on the television in that apartment on Jimmy Carter Boulevard, it always start with W A T C.

Channel two. To call it a community channel was an understatement. It was small, homemade. People from Atlanta just got on there and talked about whatever was on their mind, and I could do that. So I called the number on TV to apply for an interview on their show. They sent me an application and booked me.

Imagine my surprise when I looked at the address of the station and it was two blocks from my apartment, the same street. God had been positioning me the whole time. I didn't have a roadmap, but I did. It turns out I had G P s God's Positioning System, and that's all you need. It was a simple segment. And in my segment I told them how I was a former Miss Georgia, A failed Miss American contestant and a recent divorcee.

Nice resume, huh? And then I sang. Does the place you're called to labor seem small and little known? I gave it all. I had the words meant so much, especially the next words, which came in the chorus. Little as much when God is in it. Labor, not for wealth or fame. There's a crown and you could win it. A local crown I could win.

Count me in. Now, this local gig wasn't broadcast to the nation and no, Johnny Carson didn't hit me up afterwards, but I got my own weekly talk show because I was available and I live close to the station. It was called Friends and Neighbors. And it lasted for 10 years. And during my dark days when I was devastated and thought I'd ruin my life, those broken pieces were being formed into my future.

And during that time, I cut my very first solo independent album. I was like, MC, hammer, hawing those CDs outta the back of my truck. The creativity, ingenuity, toughness and mental stability required to make music and have a talk show came from that alone time. I would not be in tv. Have the career I have today or be writing this book.

If I hadn't been in that Pepto-Bismol pink apartment located on the same street as the TV station, W A T C A place or circumstance can put you on a collision path with your calling. I mean, literally, not until I sat down to write this book did I realize the significance of that apartment. Being on the very street is my calling.

You're surrounded by signs. Look up, notice it. Be ready for miracles. It's right in front of your face. Yes, even if you screwed up and you're somewhere you never thought you'd be, you are there for a reason, but you don't have to be there forever. It's time for some faith to kick in, give up what you thought life should look like and let go of control.

Honey, let me tell you right now, you never had control anyway. We think we do, which leads us to believe we've blown it well. This ain't about what you have or have not done. God is the master of the universe, not you. You couldn't fix your mistakes if you tried, so quit worrying about it. Nobody really cares about your screw ups, like my dad said.

They're not even thinking about you anyway. You might be out there trying to get over your past hard times and struggles, not realizing all of that is locked into your calling. There is a why you went through that, but we get hung up on what happened to us instead of what can happen through us. We try to rush through our problems to shorten our dark days and to try to find a solution to our sorrow as soon as possible.

We're not still enough or quiet enough or willing to speak to him enough to let him do what he can do. And Ephesians three 20 says, he's able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine according to his power that is at work within us. We all have dark nights of the soul. Those moments in our lives where everything seems covered up by pain and hopelessness, they can be the true compass to our calling.

If we listen to what they are trying to tell us. We don't value them, don't want to go through them, or we do the easy thing to distract ourselves. Like with Instagram, reality tv, which I love, and TikTok now my current distraction is the add cart button. We don't take the time to slow down and just go through the experience of the pain to reflect about what we really want and to listen to that.

Still small voice, but those are the most prosperous moments that can ever be given. If you're quiet enough, still enough or willing enough to listen to them. This divorce was the most authentic raw time of my life thus far. You can't be authentic in a world if you can't be real with yourself. So I let the waves of pain wash over me and they lifted me like a tide lifts a ship.

Your mistakes are not wasted. The mistake is the steak is the meat and potatoes, y'all. That's the good stuff. Don't rush this feast relish every bite. I want you to live your passion when it comes to a dress or pants size, y'all. I'm a tight 12 and a loose 14, and that's okay for clothing, but no one wants a life that's ill-fitting.

You want to live a life that's custom made, designed to fit you perfectly. Sadly, too many people are trying to fit into a life they outgrew. Years ago I did this big time. We keep having the same tired conversations with ourselves and others when our hearts know we were meant for greater things and now is the right time to do and be and talk about greater things.

When you're operating in your calling, confidence comes, it feels like home and y'all, there's no mortgage, no interest rate, and it's free. It was a gift given to you in your mother's womb by God at the beginning of time. The only thing you have to do is figure out what you're passionate about and do it.

If you're not passionate, it'll be stale. It won't be authentic, it won't be true, and that's everything. Here's a little controversy, mama Bears. I ask women, what are you called to do? Invariably, someone responds to be a wife, usually followed by I'm meant to be a mom. Nope. Your purpose was not to get married and have children.

Marriage and kids are fantastic. I love my children, and parenting is my biggest responsibility right now. Given birth or adopting is a blessing. It's your most important job, and it goes so fast. Slowing down to raise your kids is important. Now, it might feel like you'll forever be changing diapers, driving carpool, and sitting in uncomfortable bleachers, yelling at your kids to get the rebound, but you won't.

My sons will always be my babies, but they'll only be living under my roof for a season. Do the math. If you live until you're 90, your kids will usually be at home for only 20% of your life. It's a short amount of time. What are you gonna do with the rest of your time? The best thing we can do for our children is to live out our calling.

Parenting is more about who you are than about what you do or say We are. Our calling and living that out will set them on their own path to calling. When I was a little girl and started to get a glimpse of what my life might be, I was usually alone sitting quietly playing with my dolls or walking to school.

Things were quiet enough for me to notice. That's still small voice. I did have a big advantage over some of you youngins. I didn't have an iPhone, a console or an iPad to distract me. It was just me, strawberry Shortcake and Sean Cassidy looking down at me from a poster on the wall. When I was home, I was home.

I could just be me. I could play and get dirty, and it didn't matter when I hit my teens, if I had a big old zit right on my forehead. I didn't care, and no one else did either. When I was growing up, I could freely be me, flaws and all, but social media has burst that bubble. The pressure to be perfect has infiltrated the four walls of our homes.

Now, even if you're lying on your couch, you can compare your butt to Kim Kardashians and she has a killer booty. See the exotic vacations of your neighbors and feel less important than anyone else. But 99.9% of people you see online have lives that aren't as sparkly without the filter confession. This includes me.

I edit my photos, but I'm real enough to admit it. Sometimes optics can help a girl out, you know? But optics aren't power. True power comes from a place you cannot see in a photo, even with the best Instagram filter. Now, I'm not blaming social media. I'm on every platform, but it's harder than ever to be present in the moment.

So turn off your apps, sit still, get quiet, and be willing to pay attention to what's going on inside you. Your calling is personal. You're called to be you, and your calling is aligned with your personality, talent, and era. God created you at this specific time with your specific gifts and talents. In this book, I want to encourage you to use what you've got.

We're taught that we have to measure our worth and consequence immediately by the number of digits in our bank account, the number of likes we have on our social media post, or the number of steps taken on those pesky health apps. Wait, I've only taken 37 steps today. Okay? There must be something wrong with my tech, but life doesn't work that way.

We can't measure our worth by numbers. You are priceless even if it looks like your impact is small. Don't despise small beginnings because we can't do what we're not called to do. We're supposed to teach our children how to live so that wisdom is passed down through the generations, but they can't do our work and we can't do theirs.

Even if it seems you share the same calling with another person, it will manifest in different ways, present different challenges and offer different payoffs. But living in your calling is reward enough because it multiplies. The more you operate in this place of calling, the more opportunities, platforms, resources, and joy and just everything else multiplies.

Yes, in this lifetime. It not only creates a legacy, but you reap huge benefits in the now. When you finally give up your illusion of control and lean into your calling, God gives extravagantly in ways you can imagine with results. That last, your calling is prolific. There's an old saying that goes like this.

You can count the seeds in an apple, but you can't count the apples in a seed. The more you plant, the more you harvest. But walking in your true calling produces much fruit and has a lot of offspring. Some of the fruit isn't good and some of the harvest doesn't come as you'd hoped. But even in that, your harvest is bountiful and it takes time to grow.

It also multiplies in ways you won't be able to see immediately. Case in point, in Germany, 20,000 people per day visit the most famous tourist sites. The Cologne Cathedral, the first stone of the building created to provide a final resting place for the remains of the three wise men in the Bible. Story of Christmas was late in 1248 and it wasn't completed for 632 years.

Look, I get antsy when a bathroom remodel takes a few months. However, these cathedral builders were willing to start a project, do their part, and trust that the work would be completed not by their kids or their grandchildren, or even their grandchildren's grandchildren. And their work still creates all in camera toting tourists today, the cathedral brick layers who worked over six centuries had the same overall purpose, but each was called to a different stage of the process, which came with its own challenges and opportunities.

The brick layers in 1248 cologne could lay the first stones. I bet some of them felt a sense of hopelessness without knowing the end result. Maybe others were determined. The 1880 brick layers, who completed the cathedral? A day that became a national holiday. Didn't have the vision to lay the first stone, but got to enjoy the celebration.

Your calling resides in perpetuity and does not obey your self-imposed timetable. To paraphrase, Gandolph in the fellowship of the ring calling is never late nor early. It operates precisely when it means to. Your calling never expires. I could have done anything in my twenties, but I followed a pattern.

Instead of doing what I thought the culture wanted me to do, I should have figured out my calling. That's what happened during my time alone in my apartment, and it changed my life. The beautiful thing is you can do this at any age. The world will tell you that you can only answer your calling when you're young, but it isn't like that chunky milk in the back of the fridge.

It doesn't expire. I've always loved to be around older women breathing in their wisdom. My mother, who is now in her seventies, is living her best life. Suddenly, she's modeling on national television. While most people don't get to reinvent themselves as models, I've had dozens of mentors in my life, women and a few men who've had cool hobbies, and those who didn't, they didn't tell me how to live.

They modeled character and integrity. The world tells us our calling presents itself during a small window of time, one strike and you're out. You may think you've had your one chance to accomplish your dreams and let it slip through your fingers. You have not see. God finishes what he starts, and your calling reveals itself gradually as you can handle it.

Pay attention to the miracles around you. I now have a business with more than 200 million in sales, but sometimes I long for those times in that Pepto Biz Ball apartment. Ain't that funny. I'd give anything to be alone there right now with a full day just to cry it out alone with my thoughts. I'd love to have my neighbor pop in and help me paint sloppily.

Those years are right up there with the birth of my children. And looking back, the time of angst was one of my happiest, most important times I was on my own. And as I spent more time reading my Bible and spending time with my heavenly Father and my earthly one, eventually I felt the same jolt of joy I experienced.

When I jumped that fence and walked to that elementary school all by myself, I stood on my own two feet. I would not be here if I had not been there. And speaking of feet, look down at your own. Are you on the right path? If not, I'm here to tell you that it's not too late for you to pick a new path. You have to start where you are to get to where you wanna be.

Your feet might feel like lead. You might be either too afraid or too tired to take a step in a new direction, but take a moment to pause. You might be in a terrible place, but I challenge you to see the beauty around you. Your place of regret is also a place of enormous hope and opportunity. So go ahead, pick up your foot and turn yourself in the right direction.

You don't have to figure out your whole life to start living your calling because if you ain't dead, you. You ain't done.

I wish I had your hair.

Dawn Barton: This not so much. I, I don't know what this, whatever that next thing is. That is not a favorite thing right there. No, the extra chip, whatever's going on in that upper arm also not a favorite thing.

Kim Gravel: I'm gonna quote Yoda. There is no try. Only do I don't think that's the quote. Y'all get the picture,

Zac Miller: do or do not? There is no try.

Kim Gravel: That's what I'm meant to say. It's do or not do. There is no try.

Zac Miller: Do you wanna do it again? What did I say? If you wanna, you said there is no try, just do

Kim Gravel: Same difference, Zac.

The Kim Gravel Show is produced and edited by Zac Miller at Uncommon Audio. Our associate producer is Kathleen Grant, the Brunette Exec. Production help from Emily Bredin and Sara Noto.

Our cover art is designed by Sanaz Huber at Memarian Creative and Mike Kligerman Edits the show and a special thanks to the team at QVC. Head over to kimgravelshow.com and sign up for our mailing list. Again, we can't do this without you, so thank you for listening, and we love you.