Faith, Family and Blaming Your Husband | A Special Mother’s Day Episode with Kim’s Mom, Jo Hardee

*This transcript was auto-generated*

Kim Gravel: [00:00:00] Hey, y'all and welcome to LOL with Kim Gravel. This is a comedy podcast where we laugh about all the messiness of life and turn that mess into the message of competence and hope. See, my mission is to encourage and lift women up, and this show is about how. All can embrace our real sales and laugh about all the stuff that life throws our way it's crazy out here.

So let's live out loud, love out loud and laugh out loud together today. We've got my mom on the podcast. Okay. And we're talking about what women want, family, faith, food stories, some inappropriate, some, some inspirational just gird your loins. People were going all in. Okay, Zac. Seriously, is the world getting crazy or am I getting older?

Zac Miller: I think both of those things happening at the same time,

Kim Gravel: I feel like [00:01:00] I am living in the Twilight zone about 98% of the time.

Zac Miller: I am a hundred percent there with you. It seems crazy out there. Doesn't it?

Kim Gravel: It doesn't seem. It is. Let me tell you, like it's so crazy. Just. No, I don't know. I guess I'm just turning into my mother.

I, you know, I guess that's what's happening or my, because I find myself like saying the same things, like, well, you know what, when I was growing up, you know, I'm saying the same things that they said to me back in the day. Yeah. My son told me the other day. He said, mom, cause I was thinking like that Van Halen.

Oh my gosh. Van Halen, Panama city spring back break. 1987. I mean, I remember Van Halen singing that song and I would just, you know, roll down the windows. So it came on Sirius XM, 80 tonight. Okay. And my son [00:02:00] goes to me, oh God, I don't wanna listen to old.

The eighties are now oldies, Like a Virgin by Madonna is considered an oldie.

Zac Miller: When you were that age, would you have said that about your mom's music?

Kim Gravel: I did say that about my mom. What I'm saying is that's what I'm saying. I'm becoming my parents.

Zac Miller: All right. So Kim, Kim, Kim, this is the perfect thing.

You were just posting about this on social media. And then, and we talked about this. You, you posted it for the pod. Cause we knew we were going to discuss this. I pulled off some of, well, my favorite.

Kim Gravel: Okay. I haven't had a chance to look through it.

Zac Miller: Oh my gosh. There were so many good ones. Leanne Morgan posted.

Kim Gravel: Oh, I love that woman. She's so. No, come on now.

Zac Miller: What did you ask you? Tell me.

Kim Gravel: I'm sad. I can't remember. See, I'm becoming my mother. I asked, is there something that you say [00:03:00] that lets, you know, you are becoming your parents?

Zac Miller: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. What do you do that you say I'm becoming my mother.

So Leanne said I carry food in my purse. Right? Snacks carry out from restaurants, diet Coke. Cause she's always afraid someone's going to get hungry.

Kim Gravel: That's a toddler mom. And then that's like a grandma. So she's on her way to I am my mother's daughter.

Zac Miller: I want to know. So this is the, this is the ask him anything. I want to know if you're going to

co-sign any of this.

Kim Gravel: I was going to hold it up. This purse is clean.

Zac Miller: My wallet is like a stack though. It's 12 inches thick.

Kim Gravel: I have [00:04:00] a selfie light just in case people. I have a measuring tape who knows, who knows?

Zac Miller: I mean, you are a clothing designer. Like you could just be taking measurements.

Kim Gravel: It's just my gift card to target. I ain't never need this department to, I mean, there's so much in here. Like I can eat, called I could eat live. I got so many minutes. I must have thick. I had like chronic halitosis. I know what she's saying about the.

Zac Miller: That's really, but I'm serious. I just had a realization that like my wallet being three inches thick. That's exactly what my father had. That's my dad.

What's in the wallet though, that you have to have that.

Old cards, it's all have like a gift card to Lowe's or whatever.

Kim Gravel: And you forget to use it.

Zac Miller: Yeah. And you forget, and you're like, I'm going to leave it in here. So the next time I'm there or whatever, just you'll forget it.

Kim Gravel: They make a lot of money on them gift cards? No. Okay. That's good.

Okay. That's good. All right.

Zac Miller: Amberly from, gosh, [00:05:00] she was on the show a long time ago. She, she posted her response.

She said, I say, Aw, bless their heart.

But then, but then the funniest thing, the thing I like even more is that she said, then I call my kids the wrong names.

Kim Gravel: Oh, I'm there too Amberley. And Zac all of the, all of the boys in our grandkids start with a letter. So you've got Brooks, Bo, Blanton and Brantley. So I go, I call them every name, but their own name, bro, bro, bro, bro.

Everybody. I call my mom bro. I do it. Okay. Let me tell you this one quick thing before you get going. My mother, so I started doing this y'all this is horrible. And I don't want any judgment, please. Don't listen. I don't abuse [00:06:00] Travis physically sometimes verbally, but never physically. Okay. So, to hear him talk, you know, the meanest thing since sliced bread.

So my mom, true story, we were at the grocery store. This is how we grew up. Now. My dad traveled for a living five days a week, Monday through Friday. I think that's how they stay married. Okay. So, Like mom would be at the grocery store. Okay. And she would hit a curb or drop something. Stumper toe, drops a can of something at the grocery store.

She goes, Hey, you're stupid, daddy. I swear. She wouldn't blame him. He would be in Florida on business. She blame like she would be at home. It's something that light bulb got your stupid daddy when never changed the stupid light bulbs. Is he an idiot? Zac I'm doing it. Like that happened to me the other day.

I'm in like target. And I said, I said, gosh, I forgot the Ziploc bags you dumb daddy. And I was the, dad's not even here. I'm like, oh, they're gosh. From my mother [00:07:00] in that office, people are gonna judge me for that. But I don't care. It's true.

Zac Miller: But then do you bring that back and like blame him.

Kim Gravel: I blame him for everything.

Zac Miller: But just in the moment, like you don't go home and go, like, you know.

Kim Gravel: It depends on how I feel. It doesn't have tick me off for everything this morning. We're getting a concrete pad put out for a new set for, cause we're launching swim next, next couple of weeks. And so everything's behind, you know, and of course I blamed him.

I said, I'll tell you something. If we'd to started this earliest, your fault. He's like Kim, it's a national global supply chain issue. How is this my fault? I said, I don't know, but.

Zac Miller: Oh my gosh. Yeah. Yeah.

Kim Gravel: He's a cop. That is so if any other mom, wife, whatever can relate to that right now, put a comment, put a comment on this, on this podcast.

I blame him. That's so my mother. Okay. I'm sorry. Gosh. Okay.

Zac Miller: Awesome. [00:08:00] So many people wrote comments about how they forget their kids' names and say the wrong name and grandkids. All it's so funny. It's so funny. Oh my gosh. Show me if you do this. Okay. This woman says, I talked to everyone just like in the store, talks to everyone.

And then when she goes to restaurant, she says, I critique restaurants and compare it to our cooking all the time. Many times it doesn't even come close. Oh my gosh.

Kim Gravel: I love that. That happens to me, who wrote that?

Zac Miller: Let me give her a shout out to, Susan.

Kim Gravel: Hey, Susan, listen, I do the same thing, but this is what my son say to me.

Cause I talked to everybody. I'm a people person too. But when you get older, you do you like to visit, you know, you go to the grocery store and you do a love visit. I just visited last night with my neighbors, Vanessa and steaks that they came out last night. We just sat there. She was in her bathing suit with a pool cover up and Vanessa [00:09:00] was gone.

We just sat there and chatted for 20 minutes, five. The Chick-Filet was getting cold in my front seat. So I'm a chatter too. And this is what my kids. We're going into Walmart target grocery store. And they're like, no eye contact. Mom don't give any money because they know once I do, I kind of I'm like, yep.

I do it too. My mom was like, no eye contact.

Zac Miller: I used to be so embarrassed. We'd be standing in line, like at the grocery store and she'd just be chatting.

Kim Gravel: I don't blame her. Chat yourself up woman.

Zac Miller: I mean, I get it now, but yeah, that was mortifying for me. That was 13 year old zac could not handle that.

Kim Gravel: Once you get an older woman that what happens is like, this is how society does you're in school and your best friends in your kindergarten. Then you go through this, you know, you go through elementary school, everybody's friends, and then you go through the end of elementary and you get at that middle school moment.

And then. Girls go against girls. They start being frenemies. And I think a little bit of that [00:10:00] is society, but by the time you get to an old woman or older woman, one more to them, you just want to see any kind of woman going through what you're going through so you can connect and go girl, I'm praying for you.

I love you, girl. I know my husband's that way too. Total. You see what I'm saying? Like we just want to connect because we know girl, we in this together. That's how you get when you get an older woman. And so like, I've got a little, I call her my adopted daughters. I've got, there's four of them that live in my neighborhood, but what grace is special to me.

And she's like, you know, because she's at that marrying age, I'm like, girl, please don't, don't do it right now. You can't tell her nothing, stay in love. They throw it. I said, please wait until your late twenties, early thirties.

Zac Miller: Right, right.

Kim Gravel: Cause I'm like, you're going to be complaining to the battery.

You're going to get him. And then you going to start complaining. We do enjoy, enjoy the, enjoy the Bridgerton times. Is there any other good ones? [00:11:00]

Zac Miller: So this one confounded me.

This is Elaine. Thank you. One. She wrote a couple.

Kim Gravel: She wrote a couple. Bless her heart. Say she needed to vent.

Zac Miller: I carry a baggie of peppermint candy in my purse. If I traveled by car, we always put a wet washcloth in a baggy and the church. I still don't know why we did that. But she does it. Why? Just tell me.

Kim Gravel: I'll give you example. Cause you know, we had our Botox whisperer on, so we all go to the same girl to sexy six I'll go to the same girl.

Say my peaks are strong. My tribe is strong. Right. And so, we have our own numbing cream. Now this is oversharing people going. So I ain't got time. We send up in your office while you trying to numb my face. And my mom has to be numb from head to toe. I mean, she can't stay in pain. I'm a little bit [00:12:00] stronger.

And in that aspect that she is, she's like, if it feels anything, I'm gonna slap you. Oh God, here she is. That you can come on in. Sit down, you look cute. You look so cute with those. My shorts. You look adorable. Okay. Anyway, so we carry out when we go. I know exactly what she's saying. Cause we wet, a wet washcloth.

I don't like wet wipes. I don't like how they smell. I don't like the after smell and I don't like the texture, but, and so just in case we have to wipe our hands. Cause if not, cause I've put my hands in my mouth, my whole tongue go numb and all that. So I get that. We do a little wet wash cough in, so yeah, I get that about that.

What else does she do?

Zac Miller: Oh, my gosh. That's so funny. No, so that's just how it was the one that was the main one. And then, but you mentioned Renee. So she, she said the same thing she said, I called my grandkids by the wrong names. And she said, I'll say whatever your name is, come over here. Oh my gosh.

Kim Gravel: But you know, what have you noticed that men don't do that?

Like Travis does not do that.

Zac Miller: [00:13:00] I do that though.

Kim Gravel: Oh, you do well. You've hung out with me. Bless your heart. You've picked up on a lot of my bad habits. Honestly do apologize.

Zac Miller: This is her fault.

Kim Gravel: You were like my brother now it's totally my fault. And you're in a house full of estrogen, so, oh my gosh.

Zac Miller: It's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot of estrogen.

The thing that we really did that really kind of was unfortunate is so our cat's name is Hooli and our daughter's name is Hayley.

Kim Gravel: So Haley's now Hooli and Hooli is now Haley.

Zac Miller: If you want to get down on the fun and make sure you follow Kim on social media, she's @KimGravel. You can also call and leave Kim a voicemail. We love to hear from you. The number is 4 0 4 9 1 3 6 4 6. Oh. Or you can email any questions you have to lolwithkimgravel@gmail.com.

And when we get back, we're going to be talking to Kim's mom, Jo Hardee.[00:14:00]

Kim Gravel: Gird your loins people. It's soon to be mother's day and we're celebrating all things, moms and who better to have in the studio with me on LOL with Kim Gravel none other than my mom, Josephine B Hardee, give it up.

I was hoping for a clap track, but hi mom, thank you for coming.

Jo Hardee: Well, you're welcome.

Kim Gravel: She said she's, she's texting me. What are we talking about, Kim? What are we talking about?

Zac Miller: Did you tell her anything?

Kim Gravel: No, I didn't. I mean, you're going to go on and talk about being a mom and all the beautiful wonderful blessings come from that kind of come from that.

Jo Hardee: Okay. I'm with it.

Kim Gravel: Are you? No, don't do your fake voice now. You're doing your little.

Jo Hardee: Let me tell you something. That's the real [00:15:00] voice right there.

Zac Miller: Yeah, that's what we want.

Kim Gravel: We don't want. Hey...

Jo Hardee: I was just trying to be nice.

Kim Gravel: No, we don't want nice Jo. We weren't real, Jo.

Jo Hardee: I can give you that too.

Zac Miller: I actually have a question. I want to start out. I'm going to ask a question, Jo. Hi, it's nice to have you here by the way. What's it like working with Kim? That's what I want to know.

Jo Hardee: It's not working with Zac it's what's it like working for Kim.

Zac Miller: Well, I was going to say that and then...

Kim Gravel: Say it the right way.

Zac Miller: Hey Jo, what's it like to have. What's it like working for Kim?

Kim Gravel: Thanks.

Jo Hardee: Zac. I don't work for Kim. I work with Kim. I'm retired. I don't have to work at all. I just do that because she's my daughter and it's a big favor.

Kim Gravel: Oh my gosh. It's a big favor, Zac. Well, [00:16:00] Zac really ask her some hard hitting questions.

And then I'll, I'll tell you the truth. She'll answer. I tell the truth. You tell your truth, you take your home.

Jo Hardee: There's only one choice.

Zac Miller: No, but I really, I am really serious though. It seems like you are having fun, but I also know it would be a challenge and my mother listens to the podcast. So I'm going to hold my tongue a little bit.

It would be a challenge working with my mother. Or having my mom work for me.

Jo Hardee: No, honey, it's a challenge for me working with Kim.

Kim Gravel: Why is that?

Jo Hardee: Because I don't have any, I'm not, I'm not anxious. I'm not any of that. And see, she say she's anxious and she's ready to go. And she's dominating towards me to tell me what to do.

You know, I'm 75. I kind of know what to do most of the time because it's not, you know, you don't take a rocket scientist to figure this out.

I am not a dominating person.

Kim Gravel: That is a lie.

Jo Hardee: Only [00:17:00] to me.

Kim Gravel: What's dominating?

Jo Hardee: Get over here, do this, stand up. Smile, pull your shoulders down, pull you down. I mean, constant.

How can I even get anything done? You know?

Zac Miller: Okay. That just sounds like Kim's directing.

Kim Gravel: Thank you, Zac. Thank you.

Jo Hardee: Oh, you kidding me, Zac?

Kim Gravel: He's not, he knows my point of view.

Jo Hardee: Listen, she should just leave me alone. I could relax.

Kim Gravel: Oh God mom. There's nothing. Okay. First of all. Allisyn and mom are very similar and then are, are kind of similar in some ways, but mom is very, she's black, you know, you're not, you wish you would know you wish nothing.

You are vein. You've got a lot of that.

Jo Hardee: I am not.

Kim Gravel: Well, you like to pull it together and you won't, you know.

Jo Hardee: I like for people to be prepared when they do something, I like people to give their best, because that's what I was taught. You give your best for anything you do, girl.

Kim Gravel: I know I do. So I don't know why you always challenged me in that.[00:18:00]

Jo Hardee: I don't challenge you. I'm trying to give my best. I'm not 50 anymore.

Kim Gravel: What are you mom?

Jo Hardee: 75, 75 yesterday. The other day I was gonna say.

Zac Miller: So when this comes out, it'll be you like a week or so. Actually that's really interesting because I feel like I've seen this dynamic played out over and over again, where one kid's going to be like the mom and one kid's going to be like the dad.

What is that? Why? And when you say you're like, what you said, you were like your dad, Kim, how are you like your dad?

Jo Hardee: She has to think about.

Kim Gravel: I don't, I have to be careful what I say, dad, and I see eye to eye on a lot of things, like when it comes to business and when it comes to, you know, seeing all sides, being like all encompassing where Allisyn and mom are.

They just shoot from the hip and they just, you know, cop guns, loading cotton, [00:19:00] ready to go.

I believe she's sitting over there saying I'm saying that she is the most spontaneous. I'm

very spontaneous. I'm not saying I'm not spontaneous girl.

Jo Hardee: You're more like me than you would even imagine.

Kim Gravel: Look, this is what they do, mom and dad claimed me when it's, when something's good.

They claim Allisyn.

That was the truth.

Jo Hardee: That's not really true.

Kim Gravel: It's not, Allisyn is the favorite child though. Like bar none hands down. The whole family knows it.

Jo Hardee: I don't care. Let me tell you all the mothers sitting out there, you know, that's not true. It is not true because you know that there's one child that's always going to be needy.

Kim Gravel: Is Allisyn more need?

Jo Hardee: And there's, I mean, seriously, you have it in every family and all the mothers sitting out there. Not going to believe that what you said, because it's true. You have a child that needs more different ways.

Kim Gravel: Whatever I'm saying. This is the result is the same mother. If out, when mom calls me all she does is talk about Allisyn Allisyn Brooks, Allisyn Allisyn,

Jo Hardee: because there's always something really going on.

Then I need [00:20:00] you to listen.

Kim Gravel: Always got a problem or a situation we're trying to solve. I can say she's needy too, but I think she's the favorite. Like, let me give you example. I could go and win three Grammys and the Oscar, and this is mom. Like, that's pretty good at me. What are we going to have for Sunday lunch?

Allisyn can go both Springs madness and seeing my Redeemer lives. And mom will stand to her feet and start clapping. Like. She'll give her a standing ovation.

Jo Hardee: Well, that's true that's prayer answered,

I always give a standing ovation when a prayer is answered.

Kim Gravel: Mom, that's hilarious.

Jo Hardee: Allisyn, I have to pray for her a lot. Like I said, some kids need it more than others.

Kim Gravel: Well, I can't say anything against that. That is priceless. But it's the truth. How are we just going to say like mom and I, we, we fuss and carry on and tease and you know, if you can't handle, you know what my parents call [00:21:00] constructive critical.

 But it is just, if you will go through our family and you will be tough enough to take on the Vikings from the 97th century of America, I mean, of, of the world. Like they, they will toughen you up. Allisyn, that are very tough and very confident because of our mother and father, but looking back now being 50 and coming up like we did, there was a lot of strength that was modeled to me by mom.

Like a lot of things that I'm doing now, the seeds were planted by my mother. I mean, even to the point of don't you think mom, of like the swimsuits we're getting ready to do your, we have to talk about that. Yeah, we do. Because you were a Janssen model, you worked at Janssen, you were there fit mine here.

We are doing swimsuits. Like, it's just weird. How. And I say this in the book I'm writing. It's, it's weird. How, if you'll look back, you will see how that thread has always been going through your life [00:22:00] for what is pointing you towards your purpose. And a lot of that mom planted those seeds. She threaded that needle and started that, and I'm kind of like taking the mantle up and finishing some things and then sure.

I'll pass them onto my kid to finish up. I just remember all of that mom always being strong. She needs to tell some of her stories that has made her strong today. She's such a strong woman of faith in resolve absolute, you know what I'm saying? Like will not be moved and she's still that way at 75.

You're not going to talk her into nothing.

Jo Hardee: Well, it's always good to know who you are.

Kim Gravel: Well, how do you do that, mom? How do you think you did that?

Jo Hardee: But like you said, Yeah, it was a lifetime. It's a lifetime of growing and experiencing things, go in through things, making the right choices. It's a whole lifetime of that and making wrong choices and learning from them. Absolutely.

Absolutely. But I've always been the kind of person that [00:23:00] would before I'd make a choice, I'd say, okay. I think about the outcome because you know, there's consequences to every choice or action you do. There's a consequence. I'm just a rule follower. I like to make sure that the consequence of my decision is going to be positive.

And I think that's from growing up on a farm. Not having real close neighbors and just you and your siblings and your mom and dad, and your grandparents has a lot to do with it because there was not a lot of distraction. And I had time to think. I had time to be alone. And I was raised next to a church.

I had, I was in church. I give all that to the Lord because I knew him when I was young. I had time to spend alone with him. Our kids today don't have that. They have so many distractions, so many things to distract them from having that relationship. I that's [00:24:00] what I, I say. That's what made my faith grow and still growing to today is because I, when I was young, I, I spent a lot of time in silence with him singing, praying talk, and he was my best friend.

So what else can I say? That's why I feel like today it's so important that our young children are taught the morals and the values and the character and the integrity of what is expected of us as human beings, so that we can reach our purpose in this life. And we all do have a purpose.

Kim Gravel: Tell that story about when you were little.

Give us some of your background. Cause you know what I think is Zac and everybody listening. We, so I don't want to say discard, that might be too big of a word, but we, we, we don't give the megaphone enough to the older generations because you can't know where you're going, [00:25:00] unless you know what you come from and where you've been.

And I've always been a seeker in the way. I just cook mom and you know, this, I always had older friends, older women in my life, including my mother, even other kinds of women in my life that always mentored and, and, you know, I would listen to and listen to their stories. So tell the story, mom of how your faith started when you were a little girl, because I think that set the tone in the, in the, it opened that doorway to where you are today and why you're so confident and why you're so focused.

Jo Hardee: Well, there's a lot of stories, but you know, today we live in a world that everybody's afraid of something, right? Fear is a big, it is a big a problem today in our world. Everybody's afraid of this, that whatever comes around. Well, I'm going to tell you how it started, what, what I learned as a young child.

Like I just told you, I live close to a church. [00:26:00] And my mom and dad did not go to church at that time. I guess I was 10 and I'm 10 or 11. And I love, I love to go to church because like I said, back then we didn't, we lived out in the country and church was a big thing. That's where we fellowship. That's where we saw our neighbors.

And so I would go on Sunday morning with my grandmother. I'd walk with her to church. And then we had church on Sunday night. And I always love to go cause we had training union and then we'd have service. And to how I overcame one of my fears is that I would go on Sunday and in the summer it was fine because you know, we'd get out at eight o'clock and it was still be liked.

And I have no problem walking home. But then it would get winter and I could stay home or I could go. And I remember the first time we came out of the church and it was dark and I had to walk home and we [00:27:00] lived the church. There was a church and then right across the road was a big, huge graveyard. And we lived on a horseshoe and I would have to go pass that grave graveyard, go down a long road and then take a circle and go around, which we had big tobacco barns back then.

And there they're scary. Cause you have a lot of things, Andre like machinery and all, and you'd have to pass those tobacco barns to get to my house. Well, the first time it ever happened, I was so scared and we, our church had like 20 steps going straight down. It was a big Baptist church. I was embarrassed.

I was embarrassed because my parents didn't go and I didn't want them to see me run because I was scared. I was scared of the dark. But from the unknown, I did it that night and I closed my eyes and I ran. I was so scared, but the next Sunday night, and from then on, I would get up when the last prayer was and I would go out.

So [00:28:00] nobody would see me because it was embarrassing to me that I had to walk by myself. I had nobody to pick me up. I had nobody to, walk. But I did it and it got to be the longer, the time went along. Then I got where I could walk in the dark and not be afraid. That was the first time I can remember overcoming a fear in my life.

And I can tell you one thing. That is one of the most important lessons I learned. We don't have to be afraid of what we don't know what we can't see. We have to know. And then, like I said, it was not like it is today. It was not that it was not dangerous, but today it could be dangerous. For, for children to do that.

So I wouldn't suggest that, but back then, it wasn't that way. And I was just afraid of ghost and the darkness and all that. [00:29:00] So, but I overcame that.

Kim Gravel: Okay. Okay. That's great. So we're going to use that story. Beautiful. Let's go. I want to go into, oh my gosh. So I want to talk about. 'cause you said you were afraid of ghosts and everything.

Jo Hardee: I was 10 years old Kim what do you expect.

Kim Gravel: I'm not trying to say you're a scaredy cat. Okay. I'm just saying it. We've got to tell the story about, cause I will never forget this as long as so, so I think the relationships with your kids really grow when you go through things together.

And like I said earlier, my dad traveled about five days a week. Wow. We loved it. Didn't we? Mom, why did we love it?

Jo Hardee: Because we could do what we want. We did.

Kim Gravel: Shop. Do you remember when we used to shop and you would say now leave these packages in the car until you daddy goes to sleep and then go get them.

Zac Miller: Oh, my gosh.

Jo Hardee: He didn't believe in spending like that.

Kim Gravel: He's [00:30:00] dirt cheap.

Jo Hardee: And you married a guy just like him.

Kim Gravel: I know I'm praying about that.

Zac Miller: He must've known right.

Jo Hardee: No. Men are clueless.

Kim Gravel: The truth, mom. They are. Yeah. Y'all don't know. You don't pick up your one track minded. I mean, women got so many things going on on the side. You ain't got no idea. Am I telling the truth mom or not?

Exactly? Oh Lord. Well, I think mom, you never knew what you were going to get with mom. She was always spicy and Ooh are constant in a steady person, but, you and dad were scrappers. I'll follow a lot.

Jo Hardee: Well, you know, we had to get used to each other. Only took 30 years.

Zac Miller: How long were you married before you had Kim?

Jo Hardee: Five years. Five years later. My husband always said we wanted to wait long enough. Nobody wouldn't talk.

Zac Miller: So it [00:31:00] wasn't a shotgun wedding.

Jo Hardee: No we eloped.

Zac Miller: Tell me that story? That's what I want.

Jo Hardee: Well, I'll tell you this story.

Kim Gravel: Did y'all ever have sex before you got married?

Jo Hardee: No, not real sex.

Kim Gravel: Oh God, what do you mean? Not real sex. What is what's fake? Did y'all make out.

Jo Hardee: Of course, we made out.

Kim Gravel: He's been feeling them ever since you'll walk around and just honk yours at church. He'll just walk up. He I've seen him do it.

Jo Hardee: No, he does not.

Kim Gravel: Yes. It was the truth. Wild, fun. Dad's crazy.

Jo Hardee: He's old now.

Kim Gravel: No, but we got a lot of laughter, but we always had a lot of like a lot of fire. Meaning a lot of passion. We still have a lot of faith. Oh my God. I fight all the time in a great way. [00:32:00] My mother's been saying she's going to get an a. Since I was 6, 4, 5, 3 years out. Oh, it was before then. Yeah, I know. But if one more I can remember.

And I knew it was, I knew it was getting bad when dad called me, I mean, I was grown. I was pregnant with Beau and dad said, that's it. I'm getting an apartment. I'm like, oh my God. Now you're getting an apartment. And he gets your mom's a hoarder. Every time something falls out and hits me in the damn head, I'm not going to it.

Jo Hardee: No. I am not. So helped me I'm not.

Kim Gravel: She's not self-aware.

Zac Miller: Mute her mic and tell me if she hoards.

Kim Gravel: Okay, mom hush. Yes, she is a total hoarder. It's so true. Everybody knows it in her family. And I quite frankly, it ticks me off because. I mean, she's got, I mean, at one point Zac, she had two dresser drawers full of like underwear. Like [00:33:00] how you can't, you, ain't got to crotch big enough to wear that many pairs. Okay.

Jo Hardee: I like underwear.

Kim Gravel: No, Zac it's it's out of control. I'm like, shit, what are you saving it for? The church might need something.

I'm like the church doesn't need your underwear.

Zac Miller: Are they all different styles?

Kim Gravel: No.

Jo Hardee: Yes they are.

Kim Gravel: And I mean, I'm not trying to down with my mom, cause everybody thinks I can leave your mother alone. She's beautiful. She is. But she's a hoarder. She's a semi sectional hoarder.

Jo Hardee: Now I get my point. Okay. Yeah, my point. Yeah. When you have dresser drawers that that holds your clothes and things are not piled up to the ceiling and the room, if you're not a hoarder.

Kim Gravel: But if you have five dressers and you're buying furniture too hold your dirty drawers.

Jo Hardee: I can have 20 if I want it. That's my decision. You're not telling me what I did not trying to take what you can do because you are. [00:34:00] You're trying to tell me at my old age that I have to give you that. That's not true.

Kim Gravel: I'm not trying to get sympathy.

Jo Hardee: She's afraid that I'm going to die and leave it and she's got to go through that.

Kim Gravel: Crazy. You are insane. Okay.

Zac Miller: Wait, so I have a question. Is there any stuff that's outside of a dresser? Because to me, I feel like. Hoarder is like, okay, there's an entire room full of like old newspapers or something. Like the mask goes off on every,

Kim Gravel: It wasn't mass, it was just stuff.

It was your stuff. But will you admit that you had stuff outside of closet? It was stacked up. Not, not since I've redone your whole entire house, so we're going to get real. In the guest bedroom.

Jo Hardee: I had my, I had my closet. I had things in the bottom of my closet. I had my clothes hanging up. What else do you want?

Kim Gravel: What was on your bed?

Jo Hardee: Nothing.

No, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Kim Gravel: She had, it was so dirty cause I have her house clean.

Jo Hardee: [00:35:00] Listen. I had a queen size bed in my, for my, for my boys.

Those boys came, it was clean. I had Kim's clothes, you know, she had, she has a clothes line. Well, I'd take all those clothes and I just throw them on bed.

I'm talking. And I would try them on at my convenience, but I'm going to tell you one thing, I am not a hoarder, like sh cause people, I know what they're imagining. Do you know what she's, that's a lie. I don't smell. I just love my things. And I like things close to me that I've had.

I'm sorry.

Kim Gravel: That is the textbook definition.

Jo Hardee: When people think of hoarders, they think it like Zac said and everything all over the room, always to the seat. That's what people think. Kim.

Kim Gravel: Okay, let's call you a collector.

Jo Hardee: I'm a collector. Okay. We settled that.

Kim Gravel: But I'm going to say that...

Zac Miller: We just elevated [00:36:00] it.

We just made you cool.

Kim Gravel: Yeah, honestly, like when mom would have, like, I would force her to participate in the, in the neighborhood yard sales. I don't like yard. The word got around. Jo's back. Her stuff is on, I mean, her stuff. I mean, no one sold anything around her because everybody came in, wanted her stuff because it was so much stuff.

Jo Hardee: Well, that's what yard sales are for.

Zac Miller: Okay. Look, if you're willing to do a yard sale, I feel like you're not a hoarder.

Kim Gravel: No, she's not willing. We have to make, I have to make. I mean, there was one time Amy went over with me on all her toiletries, like her beauty products.

Jo Hardee: They were underneath.

Kim Gravel: We found something from1992 that she wanted to keep and Amy goes, I'm out. I'm not doing this again.

Jo Hardee: Well, you got to think about Amy. Amy is just, she's just such a, oh, what's the word for that? For her bougie bougie [00:37:00] organizer, you know, I'm not. I am who I am. I like who I am not changing.

Kim Gravel: Well, yeah, that's a flaw of hers.

Zac Miller: Okay. Is this, is this the thing I feel like there's always sort of the territory that will just always be the point of contention between. You know, whatever mothers, daughters, sons, fathers, like all of that, there is this, it what's the thing.

Jo Hardee: There is no contention.

Anything between us, we love each other. We say what we want to, and then we move on, move on.

Then we hold no grudges, no nothing. That's why we love each other so deeply. And that's why we can say that is because we can say what we want to, and nobody's offended because they know how much I love them. I'd give my life for them. And I think they feel the same about us. So we're the kind of people we don't hold.

We don't have, you know, secrets and we don't talk behind each other's back. We say it to your face.

Kim Gravel: We do talk behind each other's back then [00:38:00] we tell each other. That's what we were good reality TV.

Zac Miller: How do you build that though? Because I think that's actually. There's something in

Jo Hardee: that.

You have to be totally transparent.

Kim Gravel: You have to, I have to be totally authentic and honestly, that's what mom's always modeled for us. And again, I'm going to go back to an experience that me, Allisyn and mom experienced when my dad was out of town, he would travel Monday through Friday. Like I said in, we have had supernatural, we've had heartbreak.

We have had excitement. We have had. Betrayals and our family, we have had, what else? Death.

Jo Hardee: Just about everything. Everybody else has.

Kim Gravel: Everybody has it, but it's how you handle those things that I think Allisyn and I have been modeled so well. My mom is a human being. And I talk about my mom all the time and I do she's, she's my most important person that I've ever known other than the Lord, my relationship with God, but the [00:39:00] human being on this art, she's the most important, valuable, influential person.

She's my hero in my life. And I think a lot of y'all listening can say that about your mom's. I remember a story when you and I experienced something, mom, in a very real way, it kind of changed our dynamic too. Mom said I was a hard kid to raise.

Jo Hardee: You are not hard. You were just, you knew who you were at us.

Kim Gravel: Dad said I was telling them what to do. Like at five.

Jo Hardee: You were trying.

Zac Miller: Yeah, that's my cue.

Kim Gravel: Okay. Well, gird your loins. So it's going to be great in the end, but you're going to go have to go through it. But I just remember being a young girl. I can't remember what age I was. I had to be early gears though.

Beau's age like 14 or something like that. Yeah. So, dad was gone and, mom woke me up in the middle of the night.

Jo Hardee: I bet you were in about 10th grade.

Now it was probably like 1 AM. And mom wakes me up. She was [00:40:00] somebody outside, somebody at the front door get up. And it was like in the middle of the night, you know, it was around one o'clock.

Kim Gravel: We were terrified. We were terrified. And, I get up and

we got the gun,

she got the gun, we had a gun. We didn't know how to shoot it. I mean, we'd kill ourselves when we killed somebody else, but you know, dad wanted to leave us something in case God forbid, somebody broke in or whatever.

So mom got the gun and we went to the middle of the stairs. Mom, you want to take it from here? Or you want me to, okay, now you interject. So we were sitting in the middle of the stairs in Zac. It sounded like.

Jo Hardee: Explain our front porch, okay, we had one of our house, it was across the front was the den.

Then you had a big foyer and then you have the living room?

Kim Gravel: It was a long, long front galley.

Jo Hardee: Yes. With rocking chairs on it. And they had the banisters and it was, you know, cameant. [00:41:00] Okay. Okay. And it reached from, it reached from one side, the end of the living room to the end of the garage and the, in between that with, like I said, the den in and the living room.

Kim Gravel: The den was on one side of the living room and there was a staircase big four year in a staircase in the middle. So we were right there where the door was like. So we were sitting on the, in the middle of the. Listening to this. And it sounded just like this lack of marching, a walking like a man's shoe, walking back and forth, back and forth.

And I'm, I distinctively remember, cause we stop and listen. All the lights were off. No lights were on and we would hear it. So it would, at the den side it was softer. And then as it come across where we were right there at that four-year staircase, it would get louder and then it would get fainter as it walked because it was a pretty.

From my porch. And I just remember, and we sat there, mom, how many, how many do we sit there an hour and listen to that solid hourlies. No, we did [00:42:00] not. So we were scared, but we weren't, we were just in shock. We were like, what is this? What is this? Okay, so finally about an hour and a half or this, this is my family dynamic.

Kim, go turn the light.

 I'm like. Yeah. You go turn the lights out.

Zac Miller: Well, you got back up, she's got the gun, you know, she's got it.

Jo Hardee: I've got the gun. I can't do it all.

Kim Gravel: First of all, mom holding the gun is like, mom, you know,

Jo Hardee: I knew how the safety worked, I knew how to handle a gun. My husband had shown me. Meanwhile, Allisyn gets up and she says she's six years young. She's six. She sits down behind us, behind me. And so I just thought Kim was the best one to go turn the light on because he wasn't in the house.

Kim Gravel: He was on the front porch. Someone's going down. It'd be me first. That is the that's our family dynamics in. So I went down [00:43:00] there and I flipped on the lights and run back to the steps. So I'm thinking, okay,

Jo Hardee: now we sat there. So we still sat there for a little while.

Kim Gravel: That's yeah. So we turned, nothing changed.

You could still. Hear that sound moving back and forth. Yes.

Jo Hardee: Like a man with hard sole shoes.

Kim Gravel: And I was just like, oh, okay. It didn't change because you think if somebody is out there, whatever you flip on, the light they'll run. Right. Nothing changed.

Zac Miller: Well, if they've been marching out there for an hour, I mean,

Kim Gravel: so now it's like 2:30am, almost three o'clock in the morning.

So we're still sitting there. And finally I said, I'm going to look out the window.

Jo Hardee: No, I tell you what, let me tell you what I said, Kim, we need to find out who this is. You go to the living room. Okay. I will go to the den. Yup. So we did that. Allisyn was with me and Kim went to the living room.

The light was on. [00:44:00] Remember that? And she, and it, and it would start down at Kim's and it would come. There was nothing, there.

Kim Gravel: You could hear it though, right in front of you,

Jo Hardee: we were standing. Right. But just through just the wall, just the wall separated and you could hear it. And it would walk from one, we stood there and looked and watch.

We just couldn't believe it. I mean, we did that until daybreak.

Zac Miller: Did anyone go outside?

Jo Hardee: Are you kidding me? No, till daybreak. And it kept, and we stood there. Those windows in, we, we, we listened and we watched, and it did it until daybreak.

Kim Gravel: So when the sun came up, it stopped. And I remember mom saying, God was protecting us from something less.

That was protection, something, something was protecting this house.

Jo Hardee: That was the only explanation, right?

Kim Gravel: The next morning they had been, what was it, mom? [00:45:00] That was when the white vans, they were taking children and robberies was go, something happened. I can't remember the next day where that happened, but that's why it was a robbery or something was in there in that area.

Jo Hardee: And I was going, I got in the car to go to work the next morning and it was slack. I knew. In my spirit. I knew he was protecting us from something. I didn't know what it was, but that was, to me, that was an angel guarding our house from that from one o'clock in the morning until Dave. So help me. That is the, and make God strike me dead.

If that's not the truth.

Kim Gravel: I saw I experienced it. So I don't. Yeah.

Jo Hardee: And nobody believed me, but my Allisyn, didn't even remember.

Kim Gravel: We all three went through that. And what, I just remember that next morning, mom's saying, you know, that was for our protection, that that had to be, it was something God was protecting and to all three of us to experience it together.

So it's things like that that have been. [00:46:00] Our confidence. We've seen my mom, even in situations where I remember when dad got cancer, never failed. Never, never, never. We got this. We going to do this. We going to get over it. God's going to do it. He's going to give us the strength to do it. And it never wavering faith ever.

It's never like, oh my God, this is going to work out. Never. It's almost like it's gonna work out. And so I think that that's what. My mom. And I think even the older generations can really pour into young people. And I'm glad to see that some of the young people are in line. My son loves my mother, like Bo he just as a namerd, you know, and there's a lot of these young people who need to be witness all of these kinds of things.

And like mom said, we're so busy. We can't, I'm so glad I have that story of when me, mom and Allisyn stayed up all night, witnessing, witnessing, and experiencing that. Does that make sense? [00:47:00]

Zac Miller: Yeah, totally makes sense. That's I mean, that's honestly really scary.

Kim Gravel: It was scary at first, because at first I was like, oh, that's just a squirrel, right?

Like you're trying to, you try to reason everything that there

Jo Hardee: was no, there was no, there was no reasoning

Kim Gravel: All night we stayed up all night. Of course mom made us go to school. I can't stand it. Like, you know, I'd be like, just sleep in honey. Oh, no, honey. We had to get up and go to school.

You know, just, it was, it was, it was an experience I'll never forget. And we've had a lot of experiences like that where we've seen miracles in just provision in, but you've got to believe in those things so that you can see them clearly they're happening all around you. God is providing a way all the time.

And a lot of times we're not recognizing. Much less, you know, giving him thanks for it. We're not, we don't even recognize the way out when it presents itself to us. [00:48:00] And, so Zac, I think that we need to have part two of this conversation with mom. There's a lot there to uncover and unearth. So y'all tune in next week for part two of this mother's day podcast, featuring my mom, Josephine B Hardee.

So many great people help make the show possible. LOL is produced and edited by Zac Miller at Uncommon Audio. Our associate producer is Kathleen Grant at Brunette Exec. Production help from Emily Bredin. Our cover artist designed by Sara Noto and Taco Pella performs our theme music. Make sure to follow and subscribe to the show and head to lolkim.com to sign up for our mailing list.

Thanks for listening. We love you.[00:49:00]