How Do I Make New Friends Later In Life? Kim Answers Your Questions

*This transcript was auto-generated*

Kim Gravel: Coming up on The Kim Gravel Show, y'all listen to me. People are cheap and chinsy with their words of encouragement and they, and they're spendy and gluttony with their words of hate and negativity. Flip that script. You need to be the complete opposite. All of us need to be the complete opposite of what I just said.

Opening Introduction: Let's just go on and spill the tea. This is The Kim Gravel Show. This is one of the realest persons I've ever met in my darn life. You gotta watch this. My mission is to encourage every single woman, we're here to lift y'all up. There's no one more effective than moms. You mess with the bull. You going to get the horns. I need coffee. I need Jesus and I need therapy. If you can bring a smile to people's faces, why would you not? We love our kids. We love our husbands. What a blessing. We're gonna dedicate this to you in finding your superpower. Okay girl. True confidence is knowing who you are and why you're here.

Kim Gravel: Hey y'all, it's Kim Gravel here, and I got a question for you. Are you ready to level up your life? Are you tired of having all the self-doubt? Well, if you are, I've got a confidence quiz you've got to take, because no matter where you are in the journey of your life right now is where you start to be everything you were meant to be.

So head on over to kimgravel.com to find out how confident you really are. Let's go. Hey y'all, it's Kim Gravel here and you're watching The Kim Gravel Show. And this season we're gonna be leveling up our lives. We're gonna be stepping into our purpose with confidence, and we're gonna do it together.

 You know, just real quick, have you told anybody about The Kim Gravel Show? If you haven't, we would appreciate you letting people know, because we just wanna bring that love, light, joy, and confidence into everybody's life. We've got, this week we're gonna be talking about stories from the book launch.

I can't believe it. Zac, we've launched a book. It was like birthing five babies all at once.

Zac Miller: You did it, Kim. The book is out. How does it feel?

Kim Gravel: I can't, I don't even know what day it is. It has been so busy. It's been such a blessing. And the biggest blessing, the the, the best fun about it all has been just going out and meeting people.

You know, I'm a people person. Like I've, writing a book is great and going to 10 media is fun and all that, but when it comes down to it, I love to talk, eat, and laugh, and that is what I have been doing on this book tour. That's it.

Zac Miller: That's, I think,

Kim Gravel: Oh my God, I've met so many people. Can't, I mean like people that I've like just chatted with online or that are just QVC and they've asked me questions on my social media cuz believe it or not, y'all, I'm so Rick Rack all my dms, I'm answering them like I am a person.

I sit at night just girls like, Hey girl, I love that lipstick. I mean like I'm sitting here talking to everybody That and Amy, you know, it's just our little small team. Zac, you do. Yep, I am. You know? Yeah, of course. And so that's what I've loved to

Zac Miller: do. That's so much fun. All right, let me brag on you for a second though.

Let me brag on you because you're not gonna say it yourself. So what your book Collecting Confidence is now on Publisher's Weekly's Bestseller List? Wall Street Journal bestseller List Book. You are our bestselling author.

Kim Gravel: I can't believe it! Well listen, that is just a miracle.

Zac Miller: Kim. Five out of five stars on Amazon, 4.9 outta five on Goodreads, five out of five on Barnes and Noble website.

People love the book. It's amazing. We are getting so many emails from folks saying like, I'm reading it. I love the book. I love the show. it's incredible.

Kim Gravel: Well, thank y'all. That is, that is because everyone has bought it and supported it and I appreciate it. And honestly, you know, I. I didn't write it to be successful.

That's not why I wanted to write a book, was not to be a bestselling author or sell a bunch of books. And, I really wrote it because I truly believe, well, I don't believe, I know. See, there's some things I know and there's some things like, yeah, I believe, you know, cuz I belief is very important. I'm not saying it's not important, but you can't tell me what.

I do and do not know. And I think that is, that is what's missing in people's lives is where they, you gotta know in the knower. You got to know it deep within that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. I gotta, I gotta tell a quick story before we dive in. You know how things just come to me when we start talking.

 My son, my oldest son, and he hates it when I. Use him as he is like, mom, really? You know, all my friends and all my, you know, but I have to do this because he's, he's in, he's almost 16, he'll be 16 in June and he's walking through that moment, the moments of life where you're really just trying to figure out, okay, am I cool?

Am I this? I don't, I'm not, I don't look this certain way, I don't act, you know what I'm saying? Like you're trying to find your fit. And then high school's the worst. So all my young girls that are in high school that are listening to this or, or will get a glimpse of this high school is so lame, is lame.

Lemme tell you what you need to do in high school. Study your tail off. Get good grades. Work on yourself. Work out, get healthy. Find out what you're talented at. Do it that sport. If it's sports, great, but don't, don't, don't put all the pressure on yourself. You're gonna be some NBA player or some big old baseball player or whatever.

Do sports, have fun, work hard, but work on yourself. If I could tell anybody that when they're, that, the in between, that like 16 to even like, 30 years old. Work on yourself. And so that's what I've been trying to tell my son. And of course, I'm like the dumbest, most ignorant person on the planet to both of my kids right now.

So it's the truth, y'all know what I'm saying? As parents, you're just, you're a total idiot till they get to about 25. And, and you'll, you, you're gonna be the same way, Zac, with the girls, they're gonna think the same

Zac Miller: thing. Oh, no, I feel like a total idiot all the time. So that's, that's gonna fit really well.

Kim Gravel: Like, not only do I, they think I feel like it, I feel like it, I embody it. We have Coach Lane. I shouldn't say this on this podcast, but I love you, coach Lane, but he's one of those teachers that's just like, you know it, it's hit or miss with these kids. They're half, sometimes they're not paying attention.

I'm not cutting down Coach Lane, but he's a coach who's a teacher. That's all I'm gonna say. And so, you know, Bo is really trying to keep his grade point average up in high school. Well, I'm trying to keep his grade point average up in high school and so, you know, and I'm a type A person, I'm like, listen, if you gonna do it, do it, and do it well.

So anyway, I go out of town for the book tour and so I leave them with Travis. Now my husband is brilliant. You know this, Zac, you talked to Travis a lot. Yep. He's a smarty McCarney. He's a, he's a very abstract thinker. He's not a limited thinker, meaning he can dream it up in his head and he can make it happen.

I mean, he really is, and that I love him for, but he's also this free spirit. And so when I'm out of town, y'all. They're swinging from the chandeliers.

Zac Miller: Is that, is that literal Kim? Like, did you get home and there were like ropes hanging in the, the ceiling?

Kim Gravel: Nothing. Everything's broke. Nothing's clean. Oh my.

It's just, and I'm a clean freak. I'm a organized, I mean like I have, and not because I'm too O C D, I'm cuz I can't function cuz I'm a d d. Right.

Zac Miller: Your house is always so clean. When I go to your house,

Kim Gravel: that is my, you know, that's my pet peeve. That's my thing, where if it's not, I can't focus, you know?

Cuz I have adhd, not O C D. So I get home and Bo has made two sixties in world geography. Now world geography's, not a tough class, right? I mean, but he's, he's just farting around. He's not trying to put the effort. I lose it. You know how I do Zac? I'm like, what? Indy what? Blah, blah, blah.

So I sat him down last night and I said, lemme tell y'all something. I mean, I sent him Travis and Blanton down. I said, we're gonna finish strong this school year, cuz we've got like 12 days left. Yeah, I said It's over. I said, you've got straight As, you're in National Honor Society and you're blowing it cuz you're being a doof nugget in Coach Lane's class.

So this is what I tell him this, this is what we're gonna be talking about today. So I told him, I said, go in there and figure it out. He said, what do you mean, figure it out? I said, go in there and negotiate your grades. He goes, what do you mean you can't negotiate your grades? I said, oh, yes, you can.

Yes you can, brother, man. You better get in there and you better get Coach Lane to either give you extra credit or do a do-over or whatever you got to do because you're not gonna be able to do A, B, C, and D this weekend and go fishing with Lucas if you don't negotiate your grade up. Now watch this.

What'd he do? He did it. He's got his grade up, back up to an A. His overall grade now is back.

Zac Miller: Well, what did he have to do? He had to do what? Extra credit. Like what was it?

Kim Gravel: I don't, I don't care what he had to do. I don't care. I don't know. And that's my point. I was talking to my mom about it and she goes, oh God, you wear me out, Kim.

I said, what? She goes, that's how you always were. She said, you never back down and you never took no for an answer ever. And I said, no, that's not true, cuz I've been rejected more times than I've been accepted. I said, but when I know if something inside of me knows. That ain't right or I should be doing this, or You are wrong.

You can't stop me. And that's what I'm talking about with the book. That's what I'm hoping people get electrified by that. You've got to know that you can do whatever you set your mind to do. If you put in the work, you have the belief system, but you've got to know. That is what I'm hoping this book is encouraging you, or at least sparking that flame that you've got to start knowing you are created for something bigger and better.

And I'm telling you, Zac, people really know they are or they wouldn't desire it. Like, I would not love chocolate cake if I had never tasted it once.

Zac Miller: You wouldn't even know. But you get a taste of it.

Kim Gravel: Or you know, it's there, you know what I'm saying? Like, that's why I say to people, let your children travel.

Let them go. Let them go and explore. Let them go and fail, because at least they're learning and they're knowing, oh, there's more out there. Yep. I'm hoping the book is, is not just encouraging people, but it's making them understand who they are. And you say, well, Kim, how do you know? Because I know what I am.

Zac Miller: Right. And that's an edifier.

Kim Gravel: Well I just, I just know that God has puts, created me for something. And he's created you for something big. Because I can tell you, you think it too small, but let's not even get there yet. Let's just get to knowing. You've got to know that. And once you know that, then nothing can stop it.

Your mind will be set, your heart will be pointed in the right direction, and your passion will be ignited to do what? Even if you don't know what to do, you'll know you've got something to do.

Zac Miller: I really like, you know what you were just saying, your, your son's saying you can't negotiate your grades. And that's a can't, right?

That's like you are like, think bigger. Always. That sort of seems like, right? Yes. Am I, am I getting this? It's just like, yes, yes. Why are you saying you can't? Why are you saying you can't? Because you can. Like why can't you? Right?

Kim Gravel: Because he's never done it before. So now he has learned, oh, I said everything's negotiable, and he wanted me to lay it out for him and tell him how to do it.

I'm like, I don't care how you do it. All I know is at 4 37, boop boop boop boop. Kim pulled up the grades. They were higher. Don't give a rip how you got there, brother. There you go. And I know the teacher had to change 'em, so it wasn't something, you know, illegal or you know, unethical. Because I know he can't hack into the school computer.

And I said, well, I said, I saw your grades went up. He goes, yeah, we worked it out. I'm like, all right then. Okay, there you go. Go work it out people.

Zac Miller: I will say though, as like on the other side of that, you know, being a college professor, having the students that come to you and they're like, cuz it's always, let me put it this way.

It's never the students who you want to come to your office hours that ends up in your office hours. Right. And

Kim Gravel: what does that mean?

Zac Miller: Well, I mean, look, it's, oh man, I'm gonna get myself in so much trouble, you know, this.

Kim Gravel: No, I mean, just you can talk. Is it, you mean, is it the overachievers that come in that you're like, please, you know.

Zac Miller: Well, it's like, it's like basically it's the two ends of the right? It's like there's the overachievers that like have a, you know, 96 and wanna make like a 97, right? Which is great. Honestly, I love that. Like I love that. Go for it. There's always,

Kim Gravel: that is kinda annoying, but I do love it.

Zac Miller: Right?

 But then it's like, The students who just aren't trying and they wanna figure out a way to, finagle the grade better. Like, you know what, how can I do the minimum amount of effort to get just enough and like, look, I get that too. That's fine. Well, there's a skill in that too. A teacher, you're just, but like for me, I'm just like really like this, like my class is a video class.

It's not that hard. Like you just need to do the work, just do the work. You know?

Kim Gravel: And I, you know, you've gotta do the work to be successful for but I think so many people are working at the wrong things. I think, I think what happens is we major on the minors. And we don't like, I tell, I tell myself this all the time because I'm on this weight loss journey and y'all, I've got this new product.

I'm sorry. I hate to do a plug. And I know, but I mean, they are a sponsor of the show, but I've lost like seven pounds doing it for like five days. It has just been such a game changer. I went to bed, I slept my whole night through, didn't wake up once. I went to bed at nine 30 and woke up at 6:00 AM It was just, I was like, What time is it?

I mean, like, because I'm an early riser, but I get up two or three times a night anyway. I'm not trying to do an ad right now. I'm just saying like a lot of times you, you have to do the hard work. No, no doubt. But, but you have to know that you're worth doing the hard work for. Or you will not stay motivated and you will not be focused.

It's that knowing, it's that understanding that Beau was like, you're better than this. You're a National honor society student. You're not going to tank your grades just cuz I've been outta town for a few weeks and y'all have just decided just to, you know, flu, fluff it off. You're not doing that. You're better than that and you know that.

So go and fix your grade. The teacher knows that and you know that. Go handle your business. Hm. And he feels so much like, he's like, and then he, and then he took his chemistry test and made like a 94 cuz he studied. And it's like even just him knowing that he could go do that and be an advocate for himself, that changed his whole, that's what I want the book to do.

 If I was your best friend, I would sit there and go, look, Stacy, are you kidding me? You've got this, this, this, you're, this, this, and this. And she'd be like, oh my gosh, that's what I want the book. I can't go sit with everybody, but I want the book to be able to do that for you. So I'm glad it's on, the charts.

I'm glad people are responding to it because it's truth, because you are something to brag about. You are something special.

Zac Miller: So I'm gonna say it. I'm gonna do the shameless plug. Kim, what is it? If you haven't picked up collecting confidence, you gotta pick it up now. It's a bestseller.

Kim Gravel: I love it. I know, and I'm so thankful for that.

But it's the truth. It's the truth. When people get a hold of, if you, you would just get a hold of how fantastically you, is that a word I was gonna say? Fantastically fantastical. Fantastical a word. How fantastical you are. You would, and, and, and I'm not saying you're perfect and you're all that in a bag of chips and you can go be a rocket scientist tomorrow.

I'm not saying that. I said, I'm just saying like when people can catch a hold of their, their uniqueness and, and that's what I'm trying to teach the boys. That's what I'm trying to, especially, especially at the age that they are because they're trying to, oh, you know, I'm not tall enough and I'm not this, and I don't look this way and I don't look, I said, you won't look this way.

You won't look this way. Some people peak in the 10th grade. Some people don't peak to the 40. Everybody's different and people are drawn to people who know that.

Zac Miller: One of the things I learned as like a TV producer is if I walk into a place with like a ton of bravado and confidence and I'm just like, this is happening and this is happening, and we're doing this and we're moving that, and we're people just go with it like it does, you know?

It's amazing, you know. People will just follow you. If you seem like you know what you're talking about, people will just follow you and maybe

Kim Gravel: wait and you don't have to be a jerk. You know what I'm saying?

Zac Miller: It's, I'm not saying it's a fake until you make it thing. I'm just like, you know, you have to know what you're doing.

But like, it's not, that's sort of where you're, that's where my mind is going with that. Right. But that's a skill I had to learn. Took a long time. Yeah, it took a long time.

Kim Gravel: That that knowing is a really key part because because you can't even fake that. Like if somebody said to me, like, somebody sat would sit and talked to me and say, well, I had this happen to me one time.

And someone said, well, you just should, you shouldn't do this. This is not, and I was like, are you crazy? I looked at him, I swear it was in a big meeting. I think I might have told the story once before, but I was like, are you stupid? I. You can say you don't like the way I talk. You can say you don't like this, but are clearly I know how to speak to people.

You are stupid. I remember just like flat, cold laying him out because I know you now you're being stupid cuz now you look like an idiot cuz you don't know that. I know. I you. That's what I'm saying. When you know who you are and what your, no one can tell you anything. God bless him. I'm like, just pray.

Awesome. But that's a stupid comment to make. Because that's, you're wrong when you know you have the confidence to say, dude, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard anybody say. Cause I can't talk to people. Is that what you said? And he just sat there. I remember he just sat there was like, Ugh.

Zac Miller: Well right, because like you, who is he talking to?

Kim Gravel: I love to run my mouth.

Zac Miller: I'm getting us back on the rails. Kim, we have a whole episode today. We're doing listener questions today, and you haven't heard any of these? I wanna start with actually not a question. I actually wanna start with this because I t really touched me.

I think it's actually perfect for the transition for where we're going and what we were just talking about. So listen to this voicemail that we got a few weeks ago.

Listener: Hi Zac. My name is Patty, and I had the opportunity this morning to see the podcast with Mary deAngelo. I can't even tell you how funny and thought-provoking that program was for me today. I guess I just need to hear all those wonderful things. The confidence that they both talked about was key for me, and I decided I'm gonna be trying some new things, maybe even get a hobby, but it doesn't matter if I fail or, or not, because I'll try. I'll just try another one because I heard her message. I can't do some things, but I can do a lot of things. The, the consistent positivity, will always be my goal now. And I'll think about that first when I think I can't do it and I'm gonna be trying something new and I'm gonna point myself in the mirror and say, never die you dirty devil. Cuz that just tickled me to death and I love it. So just wanted to thank both of them for the message and for you bringing that message to us, to me today. And,

 Gosh, it really brightened up my day. Thank you.

Kim Gravel: Oh, wow. Isn't that fantastic? It's so true though. There's that word. I can't, I can't. I can't.

Oh, you can't. And, and, and you will. And you will.

Zac Miller: Yep. Do you want to hear an actual question, Kim? Are you ready to be put on the spot, I guess is the question?

Kim Gravel: Does a dog pee on a fire hydrant?

Zac Miller: All right. I'm gonna give you, so I'm gonna give you some categories. Do you wanna do, a, a health question?

Do you wanna do a family question or do you want to do a question about friendship? Friends, family, or

Kim Gravel: I'm all for everything of it. You, you pick the question.

Zac Miller: All right. All right. For these questions, these all came in by email and I actually had an AI do the voices for all of these.

Kim Gravel: Oh, we have to have an, an AI episode.

We have to have an AI episode. Yes. This stuff is crazy. So I know, but I don't, but I like it. I like it. And, and people are gonna say, Kim, it's, you know, it's, we gotta have a host. We have a, I love it.

Zac Miller: We need to do, wait, we need to do a quick, I just wanna do a quick aside with you for a second on ai.

Do you think AI is a good thing, a bad thing. Is it scary? What's your take? What's your fastest on ai?

Kim Gravel: Yes. Yes. And yes.

Zac Miller: It's everything, right? It's crazy. I'm super upset with it. So these are all, these are AI voices that are reading.

These are emails that we got, from our website. Oh, I love it. And if you wanna leave us an email, if you want us to answer your question on a future episode, just go to kimgravelshow.com and go to the contact us and shoot us a note or leave us a voicemail.

Kim Gravel: Well, I love it.

Zac Miller: All right. Ready? Okay.

This is a really important topic, I think is going to, I think this topic is really important for a lot of people. Let's listen.

Listener: Hi, Kim and Zac. I love you both so much. Every week I get to watch you and it's like you're my good friends. I'm 41 years old and I've been divorced for a couple of years.

I have one boy, Steven, who is 16. He has been spending a lot of time with his dad, which is fine, and we all get along, but I just feel so lonely. I work from home and I don't have many hobbies. The closest friends I have all live far away and I don't see them often. I wanna know how you put yourself out there.

Where should I start? It seems like nobody makes new friends in their forties. I know it's not too late for me, but it feels that way. Can you help me, olive from Cleveland?

Kim Gravel: Ugh, olive. You are, you can get out there and make a cajillion of friends. Girl, I say this all the time to people cuz I'm a girl's girl.

So Olive, if you look close to me, girl, you would have a ride or die with me. You have right now. So we'll just keep, we'll just, you have that from with me right now. But, I know exactly what you mean. It's almost like. When you're a girl and you're like in your forties or thirties, it's like, it's almost like how you date.

Cuz this is the truth. When a woman gets over a certain age, Zac, we ain't studying all these men. I mean we'll date and we, we know what time. It's when you're in high school and all that, you're like these guys, I don't need a bunch of girlfriends. You know you're all boy crazy when you get about 30, over 30, you're like, bump these men.

They're a lot of work. I need my good girlfriend. So Olive, I know what you mean. You do need your tribe, you need your girls. And you can have 'em. You've got to I always say this to people, to have a best friend and to have a girlfriend, you just have to be that friend. And what you, what I mean by that is you're gonna have to make the first move first.

We're so used to, we're so taught that, like with our dating, let the guy make the first move. Let the guy do this when you're young. That as when we get older. You have to, you're gonna have to go up to the girl and say, Hey girl, I love your hair. And you're gonna have to start the, how many kids do you have?

You're gonna have to be the, chaser. And that's a weird thing for women to understand in their, you know, later years. And it, I know because it happened to me when my, my sons went to this new school. No one talked to me, not one, there was one woman, Amanda, that came up and talked to me. And said, Hey, welcome to the school, one woman, one, not two, not three, not four.

 And finally, and, and of course, you know, I could talk to everybody and do talk to everybody, but I wanted to see how, what the social scene was like at that school. And it's not because the people aren't nice and lovely. They're wonderful. I have many friends at the school now. It's that people just, women in particular just don't.

Pursue friendships like that. I don't know if they're insecure, they're scared. They're afraid of being, you know, whatever. I don't know. Olive, you've got to make the first move. That's what I say, to have a friend. You got to be a friend and be, you are gonna have to, and initiate friendships. So wherever, wherever you're at, say if you see someone and you like their hair or whatever, be free with your words.

When it comes to encouraging people and meeting people, y'all listen to me. People are cheap and chinsy with their words of encouragement, and they, and they're spendy and gluttony with their words of hate and negativity. Listen to me when I say that. Listen to, I'm gonna say that again. People will freely with gluttony and, and just absolute spew out negativity and hatred.

But very, people are very cheap and chinsy with words of encouragement. Flip that script. You need to be the complete opposite. All of us need to be the complete opposite of what I just said. You should, you should make it a point every time you go out, find something in someone that is, that is a, that is an asset, that is a something beautiful or something kind to say and say it.

Practice that. Olive. I promise you, you will have more friends. You'll be like, girl, I'm, my calendar is full. Now let me tell you, your son of course is gonna be closer to his dad, who's 16. I never hardly see my kids. All they want to do for me is eat and scratch their backs. They want me to cook for 'em.

Say, mom, can you scratch my back? That's all they say. That's all I get. Scratch my back because that's just a teenage boy. I love that. And, and this is your opening to go find your girls. To have friends. You got to be a friend. And when I mean, be a friend, you're gonna have to initiate it. Be like Amanda was to me at that school, and she was the only one who reached out, but she reached out.

Start and, and you're like, Kim, I'm an introvert. No, you're not. If you want friends, you're not an introvert. An introvert don't mean you can't talk to people. We think an introvert is some wallflower just sitting observer. Introverts just mean they don't get their energy from other people. That when, when they have to recoup and, and, and revive and renew, they go inward.

That don't mean they're not, they're mute and they don't talk to people. So don't y'all, don't gimme the excuse that you introvert cuz you're not. When it comes to friendships, everybody, and I'm telling you something, Olive, when you get those friends, girl, you better call me. We're gonna go on a trip.

Do it. Step out and do it. Oh, I feel like I've preached today.

Zac Miller: Everyone's best friend. You're just gonna be that's it.

Kim Gravel: But Zac, I'm telling you, when you have girl, I mean you, when girls that are best friends, I love my husband and my kids, but honey, when I go on a girls' trip, things that happen on our girls' trip, it is like, I can't explain it.

Guys don't have that experience. I'm sorry, Zac, but y'all don't, guys don't talk like girls and don't, when you have relationships and friendships with women, dudes are just not that emotional like that. Girls have to have that, it's like therapy. And, and, and I tell you, when you get a group of women, a group of girls together, we can change, we'll change the whole trajectory of your life.

In a good way. So Olive, I'm believing you're gonna do it. Just my first piece of advice is step out, start the conversations and edify and encourage when you do it, watch and see and call me back cuz watch, I mean, email me back cuz I'm gonna tell you something. I'm right. I know. I'm gonna go back to my knower.

I know.

Zac Miller: I love that. Okay, let's do another one. This is someone who has a family problem.

Listener: Hi Kim. I'm struggling with, I have always been there for my narcissistic mother. No matter what she put me through. My siblings have cut her out of their lives. My mother had a very serious surgery and I had to find her assisted living and pack and move her myself.

I was there for her full recovery when no one else was. As I was packing, I came across her, will I read it, and I was taken out of the will. It hurts so much. I literally bawled, not because of the money, but because the principle of it all. I continue to be there for her because no one else will. Part of me would love to disown her, but that is not my personality.

My question is, how would you handle this? My husband says I should confront her. I really can't bring myself to do that. The only thing I can think of is someone helped her change the will. My siblings all started coming around after the divorce of my parents was over. 10 years ago, she told me she was leaving me and my kids everything, because when she went through the divorce with my dad, everyone turned their back on her, except my family.

Part of me hurts every day that I see her, I know I have to let it go. What would you do? How would you help yourself accept it? Thanks. Broken hearted, Joyce.

Kim Gravel: Oh, Joyce. That's a tough one because it's not the money, it's the betrayal. And I will say, if you can find any, you can't turn your back on her.

You can't disown her cuz when you disown her, you're gonna disown a little piece of yourself. And so you don't wanna betray yourself either. But if you can find some sort of, courage to sit and. Ask her a few pointed questions, I think. I think you, you'll be happier. And you will have some kind of answers.

You might not get them. And, and I just know, and of course, again, I say this, I'm not a counselor, I'm not a psychiatrist, but for me, you're asking me what I would do. I would, I'm a very confrontational person. I believe that. And my confrontation, I don't mean ugly and hateful and, you know, confrontation gets a really bad rap of what that means.

And maybe that's not the right word. I'm very you know, upfront, you know, and, and I know when to be upfront and when not to be upfront. You know what I'm saying? I , you can't just be upfront and confrontational for confrontational sake. There has to be a meaning and a why behind it. But you're gonna have to put yourself first in this situation a little bit and find some courage if you feel led to, and ask her some poignant questions.

Maybe don't lead with the, will, lead with the, the, the why. And look, honey, you don't have to tell her what you're doing for her. She knows that. And just ask her, you know, I've found the way, I mean, I would just be upfront. I think that's the best way to go. Cause leaving it all on the table, truth wise, especially at this point in her life, that is what's gonna give you both some closure.

So Joyce and what you feel is betrayal. That's what you feel. And when you are betrayed, you might not ever figure out why, but for your mental health and for your feelings, I would personally have to ask.

Zac Miller: That's a tough one. I have no idea.

Kim Gravel: I'm so glad that it's tough. But it's about Joyce growing.

It's not about her mother answering her question. It's about Joyce kind of standing up for herself or being an advocate and having a voice for herself. And like I said, it doesn't have to be mean or hateful, it's just asking a question. Right. That's a really good way to put that. Joyce doesn't wanna look like she's.

Like she, that she cares about the money. Right. And and don't even preface if you, if you talk about the will, don't even say mom, it's not about the money, right? No, it's about the betrayal. You feel betrayed. Right.

Zac Miller: Because it's like she's there for her mom, but her mom's not there for her in a way.

Kim Gravel: Well, but you don't know, like she said, she's, somebody could have talked her Right. Changed the way. You don't know. So, so you need to know, or is, or, or at least ask the question. And then you've put, you've done all you can do. But if you don't do that, if you don't do that, you might al you're always gonna say what if.

Zac Miller: Let's do, let's do one more quick one. Kim, I think we have time for one more.

Listener: Hi Kim. Hey girl. I just love you. I like hearing that all the time. Love watching you. On QVC, I purchase a lot of your clothes and makeup. The main reason I am messaging you is you are beautiful inside and out.

So I was wondering what sort of diet, exercise you follow? I am overweight and would just love, love, love to be your size. So was wondering, do you follow a specific diet, eating regime, and do you hit the gym at any point? I know you stay very busy and that might be your workout running from appointment to appointment.

Sorry so long, but I just wish I could get down to your size and if you were to share your weight or arrange, I would appreciate it. I'm at 247 as of yesterday's, weighing in with Weight Watchers down seven. I'm trying. All right, thanks and hope I hear back from you or your staff soon. I'm in Georgia as well, out in Gwinnett County.

Take care and say hey to your pretty sister and mom. Anne.

Kim Gravel: Oh, Anne, I love it. You know what's so funny, Zac, you're hearing this from Anne and I sit there and look at other people, say, oh, I wish I could be her size. Do you, do you know what I'm saying? Like, we're always wishing for what we're not.

 But Anne, I have been on a new health journey just recently. I do not work out like I should. My, my workout regimen is just running from, you know, pillar to post, trying to keep up and survive. But, I really haven't had any extra energy to work out. I need to do it cuz I'm stressed. And I stress eat and I love to eat.

I love, I'm a sweetaholic and I just got under 200 pounds, two or three weeks ago myself. And I just feel like. This last, no, last, this season of my life heading into my fifties. And I'm so busy. I want to be around to enjoy the success, not only of my career, but with my children in, you know, with Travis and my friendships and my mom and dad are in their seventies.

So, I've started this new thing that has, is a recent sponsor for our. Podcast called The Factor, and it's so good and it's, I ha I have no self-control. So if I eat one Oreo, I'm eating the whole sleeve. And so for me, this portion control has been really, really helpful for me. They're delicious meals and I can share that information with everybody who wants it, but, You go, girl, whatever you do, you're doing Weight Watchers.

You, you do it. I can't do Weight Watchers because I can't count and do all that. I 'm not, I, my mind space is too small with everything else I've got going on. So just being able to pull it out and just fix it is those healthy meals have been good for me, but, I'm so. I 'm honored that you, you are like, I wanna get down to your size.

I want to, and I appreciate that cuz I look at other people and feel the same way. It just goes to show you, we all are just trying to become the best version of ourselves. That's what we all really want, you know? So, Anne, you keep, keep me posted and you go, girl down seven, keep going, keep doing it each week and we'll, we'll do it together.

How about that?

Zac Miller: All right. That's it. Let's wrap the show up, Kim.

Kim Gravel: Oh my God, that was the quickest show we've ever done. All right, y'all, listen, make sure you share The Kim Gravel show with everybody. Let 'em know we are anywhere. You can hear podcast. Get the book collecting confidence and start knowing who you are and then why you're here will just come to you.

I promise you. We love you so much. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. Bye, because at least they're learning and they're knowing, oh, there's more out there than just, you know, 3 0 6 2 8 o. I'm trying to get my zip code right. 3 0 2, 3 0 6 2 O. Winder. Georgia .

Zac Miller: How do you not know?

I'm doing whatever dance you're doing, Kim. I'm doing whatever dance you're doing.

Kim Gravel: The Kim Gravel Show is produced and edited by Zac Miller at Uncommon Audio. Our associate producer is Kathleen Grant, the Brunette Exec. Production help from Emily Bredin and Sara Noto.

Our cover art is designed by Sanaz Huber at Memarian Creative and Mike Kligerman Edits the show and a special thanks to the team at QVC. Head over to kimgravelshow.com and sign up for our mailing list. Again, we can't do this without you, so thank you for listening, and we love you.