Create the Life You Deserve with Keren Eldad

*This transcript was auto-generated*

Keren Eldad:

I think we settle in many weird ways. We settle for careers that look right. We settle for titles that look right on LinkedIn. We settle for salaries rather than the glory of the job we really want to do. We definitely settle for marriages that look fantastic on Instagram and are nowhere near interesting to us as a human being. And I've seen this again and again and again.

 

Kim:

What is the opposite of settling, then, like, so if settling is what we do, what should we do? Get ready for the Kim Gravel Show. Hey, y'all. Welcome to the Kim Gravel Show. I am Kim Gravel, and I'm here with my producer, Zac. Okay, listen. I had to give you a shout out. Listen.

 

Kim:

Hey, Kim.

 

Zac:

That's my brother from another mother. This week's episode is going to be a game changer for so many people. Does this sound like you? Maybe you're unhappy at work. Maybe you're a perfectionist and a total people pleaser. Or maybe you feel like you've always been working so hard, but even when you achieve your goals, you feel like it is never enough. Ugh. The more is more syndrome. If any of this sounds like you, then buckle up because we have an interview that is going to change your life.

 

Zac:

This guest is so powerful and so impactful. So get ready to receive what she has to offer. But first, I want to take a moment and thank my sponsors, Factor America's number one Ready to eat meal kit and Field of Green, a delicious, nutritious drink mix that gives you the energy that keeps you healthier. Y'all, I have a big, huge announcement that I have been excited to share with you. We have been hearing so many of you that this show is a place where you come because you feel like you've got a friend. And I want to tell you, you do. We are here, and we're all in this together, right? Like, I don't have it all together. Zac doesn't have it all together, and you don't have it all together, but together we do.

 

Zac:

And that's why we do the show, because we are here for you. And that's why I've decided to launch 24/7 stream on YouTube that will have all the episodes of this show and lots of other content. It's a place where you can go and you can listen, hopefully learn a little bit, laugh a little bit. You definitely have a friend here with us. You can even hop onto the comments and be a friend to someone else. You know, start a community within this community. I'm also gonna have some special announce Exclusive sales on LWYA products, giveaways, ways for us to connect.

 

Kim:

I'm telling you, you have to tune in. You don't want to miss a thing. It's live now, so just go to YouTube and search Kim Gravel and click on the live streams. But for now, let's get to our guest, y'all. I need our guest today. She is one of the top executives and personal coaches in the country. And she specializes in helping people who are chasing money and status at the cost of their own well being.

 

Kim:

She has coached Olympic athletes, Hollywood stars, supermodels, senators, and even special forces operatives. And now she's here to help you and I to stop tying our self worth to our success. Let's welcome Keren Elded. I know, right?

 

Keren Eldad:

I have no words. That was phenomenal. That was phenomenal. Thank you so much.

 

Kim:

Don't you think everybody should have their name sung before they do that?

 

Keren Eldad:

I literally was just thinking that that is how I should enter a room every time my husband is there with angels singing my name for him.

 

Kim:

So he'll. So he'll get it.

 

Keren Eldad:

So he finally realizes that he is in the presence of greatness.

 

Kim:

Thank you, babe. And when you do that, call me and let me know if he picks up on what you're putting down. Call me.

 

Keren Eldad:

I think, you know, he won't, but it is still worth a try.

 

Kim:

I love you. Oh, my gosh. First of all, let me just say we were talking, Zac, right when we came in, and she said y'all, and I knew immediately. This is my kind of gal.

 

Zac:

Immediately.

 

Kim:

Yeah, because you're in Texas, aren't you?

 

Keren Eldad:

I sure am. In the city of Austin.

 

Kim:

Oh, God. Good music, good food in Austin.

 

Keren Eldad:

Yeah. Good weather.

 

Kim:

Good weather, right?

 

Keren Eldad:

That's right.

 

Kim:

God bless Texas. Everything bigger in Texas. Is that true?

 

Keren Eldad:

Yes, absolutely. Especially the jewelry, which pleases my soul.

 

Kim:

Yeah, you've gotta love the big silver pieces.

 

Keren Eldad:

I like a big bling.

 

Kim:

Do you wear a cowboy hat?

Keren Eldad:

No, no, no, no, of course not. No Cover this magnificent hair? No, but I definitely like it. Like whenever I'm touring and I'm in Dallas or Houston. Let me tell you something. No one in the country wears jewelry the size of Dallas and Houston. They bring it. It's breathtaking.

 

Kim:

And the women, I mean, it's. They can't be bothered. I mean, you're not really in Texas unless you have it. I'm going to have to go shopping there in Austin. You. You speaking of, like, jewelry and life and living and success and all the things you've done so much, but you kind of reinvented yourself, didn't you? Like, at the age of 40. Because you can't be but, like, 43.

 

Keren Eldad:

You're very kind. I'm 47. I appreciate that enormously. That's another thing we'd like to bring to my husband a little bit later. And, yeah, I always say I look like a normal person, but I'm really not. I was one of the very, very few people I know who in their 30s, took a giant blowtorch to their life, burned it all to the ground, let the universe pretty much do the rest, and then decided to rise up from what can only be described as ashes. That's part of the story in Gilded.

 

Keren Eldad:

The most important analogy is the analogy of the gilded cage, the big golden cage that's on the COVID Because while many people might think that I took a blowtorch to a perfectly good life, no life that is really good deserves blowtorching. In other words, no happy marriage ever ends in divorce. The truth is, I had to burn it down because it was all phony baloney. And in that sense, my real life really did start at 40. Really, really did. And I recommend to anyone who's a little worried about the 40 transition or the 50 transition, just go, you're gonna love what's on the other side.

 

Kim:

Okay. We're talking about your new book, and it's called Breaking Free from the Cage of Ambition, Perfectionism, and the Relentless Pursuit of More. And as a person who is a more is more person, I'm very a text Texian. What is that? How do you say that? I'm very. I'm very big and large and loud.

 

Keren Eldad:

Texan. Yeah.

 

Kim:

Yeah, I'm Texan, baby. I'm more. What? When you say you burnt your life to the ground, I'm gonna sit here, and I'm about to guess. I bet. I'm guessing there's a lot of people listening to this right now that feels like, I know someone today that just called me and said, I'm out. I'm done.

 

Keren Eldad:

Yeah.

 

Kim:

She's 46, and she's like, kim, I don't. She's got two kids, a husband, and it's all right, you know? And she's just like, I'm ready to go. There's so many people that feel that way. What? When you say you burn it to the ground, what did you burn to the ground first?

 

Keren Eldad:

You're absolutely right. There are so many people who feel this way.

 

Kim:

Many.

 

Keren Eldad:

There are very, very few people who will actually do anything about it. You don't necessarily need to do what I'm about to describe that I did. But you do need to understand that the structures that you're walking on are not firm. They are shaky quicksand at best, if that is how you feel. In my early 30s, I woke up in the middle of everything I ever wanted. Kim. I had lived a very linear life. I was a perfect student.

 

Keren Eldad:

My goodness, Zac, you wouldn't believe what a great student I was. I went to the best schools. I never ate more than three apples a day, so I was very thin. I did all the right things, like marry a tall man, which, as we all know, is the gold standard for women. I worked for the right companies, basically, like, check mark, check mark, check mark, check mark. By the time in my early 30s, I start experiencing real depression, real aimlessness, and I found myself one day in a shower. It doesn't happen for everybody, like this big moment, but it did for me. And I was so depressed about my life.

 

Keren Eldad:

I hated living in the most magnificent home I'd ever lived. I hated being in that marriage so much. I despised the corporate job so much that all I could think of was killing myself to get out of it. I didn't just want to. I didn't want to just say, I'm done. I was out. And I was really, really out. I couldn't play this game anymore.

 

Keren Eldad:

I was so exhausted from the measuring up and the nonsense and the maintaining the appearances of, like, everything's perfect when it was just a disaster. That marriage was abusive. It's horrific to live inside an abusive marriage. That job was perfectly fine, but I definitely didn't wake up eager for the day to live under fluorescent lights for 10 hours every day. And frankly, that house was very nice. But it was in Zurich. For anybody who's ever been in Zurich, Switzerland, that is the city that never stops stopping. The virtual opposite of the great Austin, Texas.

 

Keren Eldad:

It is awful. It's like death, but slower. I love to take the piss out of the Swiss, but they deserve it. Anyway, that was it. I luckily snapped out of it. I remember walking out of that shower and going, nope. This ends today. This ends now.

 

Kim:

Was there a tipping point? Was there something that triggered you? Or was there what flipped that light switch on to say, I'm gonna make a change?

 

Keren Eldad:

There actually was. That very day I had been robbed. And they only stole my things for some reason. All my jewelry, my laptop, a whole bunch of other stuff. Very nice handbags. And then we had to go to file a Police report. And it turned out that my husband had not paid any of our bills, including the insurance bills. And then it turned out that he actually was in tremendous debt.

 

Keren Eldad:

And then I started to go, okay, now we need to face something. This is when I really start to just understand that I am sitting on a deck of cards, a house of cards. It'll blow in the wind. Anyway, luckily, I made the decision that not only will I move on, but I'm going to move on fast. And then the universe collaborated with me. Can you believe it? I put my remaining items in storage, and the storage burned down. And then both of my cats died within two weeks of each other. And then I went home to the States and I couldn't find a job for more than six months.

 

Keren Eldad:

I mean, talk about reinvention. I had no choice. I had to swim up. Yeah.

 

Kim:

You feel like, though, we all have a reason for being. I mean, I do. I do. I feel like we're all here for a reason. And do you feel like we get distracted? Were you distracted?

 

Keren Eldad:

Of course. Absolutely. And I completely believe that we are here for a reason. We all came here to share our deepest desire of our soul and to live in reverence of life. And that feeling, that feeling that you're describing, your friend had that feeling that I had, which is completely disconnected from the truth means it naturally means we have been chasing the wrong things.

 

Kim:

Right?

 

Keren Eldad:

And now we. Now we have to give ourselves some grace. Because like the nice women of Dallas and Houston, Texas, chasing nice things is something that we're societally conditioned to do. We are social animals. And by the time we're about seven years old, we've been conditioned within an inch of our life to fit in, to be nice, to look appropriate, to get the right grades, and then to get the benchmarks in life. It's just that it's no coincidence that between like, 35 and 55, most of us just go, what's happening? What have I done here? And that's really where I want to come in and say, there's real ambition and there's false ambition. And real ambition is great. False ambition will never, ever deliver.

 

Kim:

What's the difference between the two? I want you to define that because I resonate with that big time. Because I'm a very type A driven person. And even from a spiritual standpoint, I am. But what do you mean? There's good ambition and there's bad ambition.

 

Keren Eldad:

Real ambition is lust for life. It is about the delight in creating. It is about the happiness of getting up and Putting your hands in the clay and doing that which you were born to do. In stark contrast, false ambition is the obsession with the creations. They are only outcome oriented. And you're so obsessed with them that unless they ring your bells, you're gonna be beating yourself up and beating up on everyone around you. That is false ambition. False ambition is a bottomless pit.

 

Keren Eldad:

It's a relentless pursuit of more. It can never be enough and therefore it is self defeating. Real ambition is fun and you never want it to end.

 

Kim:

But you know what? I think we're all creative creatures. I think there's creativity. I totally know what you mean about when, like when I'm in my business and I am creating and I am connecting to, you know, connecting with other people like yourself. I feel so fulfilled. I don't get tired. I don't get tired and worn out.

 

Keren Eldad:

That's right.

 

Kim:

And then when I shift my focus into just the to do list and the grind and having to and doing it, because it's always been done that way, I feel like I've been sucked within an inch of my life. I feel like I can't even get up and go, exactly. How do we fix it? I mean, all of us can't just say, okay, we're burning it down. We're going to take the blowtorch and burn it down like Keren did. What can we do?

 

Keren Eldad:

Well, do you know the first step in Alcoholics Anonymous?

 

Kim:

Hi, my name is Kim.

 

Keren Eldad:

The first step is admit that you have a problem. That's it. And that's the hardest thing for people. The first chapter of my book is called Admit it. Your life doesn't feel as good as it looks on Instagram. And that is it. You have to have the courage to admit that I don't feel right or that my results are not pleasing to me. If your results are not pleasing to you, if your ambition is not delivering on its promise, and if you are laying up awake at night waiting for the other shoe to drop, and in a marriage that has not enjoyed great sex in seven years, then with due respect, look at the problem.

 

Keren Eldad:

Stop numbing it with seven hours of cat videos on Instagram, even though those are super fun, and look straight at the problem, and then we have other steps for you, just like any great program. But that's where everybody has to begin. I had to begin by saying, whoa, something is really off here. And I got lucky. Trauma was served to me. Trauma makes you understand you have a problem real fast. But if you had no idea, you.

 

Kim:

Had no choice, right? You had no choice. Yeah.

 

Keren Eldad:

Yeah. That's very lucky. I think, even though trauma are awful, but for other people, just admit. Just have the courage to admit that you are holding on by a thread here.

 

Kim:

Well, this is the thing. I think a lot of people are paralyzed. I know I have been in certain times of my life where I wanted to change. I knew there had to be a change. I was looking at the problem, but I didn't know what the heck to do.

 

Keren Eldad:

Yeah.

 

Kim:

Do you know, I mean, it's so funny how we. Everything. Information. I'm not gonna say knowledge. Information is at a click of a button for all of us, but being able to apply that to our lives is hard. Like, what do you do when you know. When you know what the problem. Well, what do you do when you know what the problem is, but you don't know what to do?

 

Keren Eldad:

I don't think people will usually arrive at what the problem is by themselves. I think there's a reason why coaches and therapists are so useful. It's because you have so many blind spots. The first thing to acknowledge is just that you have a problem. If you understand that you have a problem and there's a delta between where you are and ideal you, you've already gone 50% of the way. That's huge. That's already huge. Then you have to have the courage to stare the problem down and to do the work like I did, like you did, like Brene Brown did.

 

Keren Eldad:

Which is ultimately, I think, sitting with a teacher who's able to help you to pinpoint exactly where the problem is and to help you then unlock the beliefs that are standing in your way, that are actually not allowing you to let go. Usually they're in the territory of loss aversion. Right. You really just want to kind of have your cake and eat it, too, which is what's making you stuck in analysis. Paralysis. But once you get past that hurdle, it's really smooth sailing. You can really start to latch onto all the actionable tools that we offer to you in this dimension. And then you're right.

 

Keren Eldad:

It is at a click of a button.

 

Kim:

So what about people who can't afford a coach or people who don't have those resources? What I mean, are you available? Like, how can we be coached by you? I mean, the book, for sure.

 

Keren Eldad:

First of all, it's nearly impossible and very glamorous and very exclusive. I wrote this book. I wrote this book. I am as friendly as I look. First of all, I wrote this book as a gift, a way to Instill my entire coaching method in a book for people who can afford a $25 product rather than coaching, which I don't mind telling you is much more expensive than that.

 

Kim:

Sure.

 

Keren Eldad:

At the same time, I still believe that many people can find a really good teacher, not only in the form of great books. Yes, read. It's better than YouTube then, that they can find that are readily available to them who will at least reflect back to them what they're doing. Most people are not able to catch this by themselves, which means that even reading an exceptional book will be sort of. It'll form another echo chamber around them and then they'll convince themselves that they're healed when they haven't actually absorbed what is the. What is contained within. So I couldn't recommend it more. If.

 

Keren Eldad:

If you can afford a different level of coaching or a different level of therapy, go for that first.

 

Kim:

Invest in yourself.

 

Keren Eldad:

Invest in yourself and find the way to climb that ladder. For the record, I remember forking over money for coaching many years ago when I started to burn everything to the ground thinking this is an obscenity. And it was the best thing that I've ever done for my entire life. Better than all the master's degrees, by the way.

 

Kim:

Yeah, well, I mean, life experience, I mean. And honestly, you say we're all creative beings, and I totally believe that. And I believe we all know what inside is best for us. We just need somebody else to show it, mirror it to us. I totally feel that. Believe that. And the older I get in the.

 

Keren Eldad:

World of law of attraction, it's called expanders, right?

 

Kim:

Yes.

 

Keren Eldad:

Just find the people whose lives really sound like they're on the other side of where you are. They're very useful to you because we're.

 

Kim:

All the same, just in different ways.

 

Keren Eldad:

Exactly. We're just in different grades. I would like to say.

 

Kim:

That's it. That's it.

 

Keren Eldad:

I'm in fifth grade, you're in first grade. That's the only difference.

 

Kim:

Oh, Lord, I'm ready to graduate anyway. Here we go. Loss aversion. Because I love when you talk about that. That's huge. Huge. It's huge. Can you explain to us what you mean by that in a deeper way?

 

Keren Eldad:

Absolutely.

 

Kim:

Go deeper into that.

 

Keren Eldad:

I will. And I'll talk about it. And I want every superstar out there, every person who's highfalutin and thinks they're really, really cool and high achieving, to listen up. I'm gonna teach you this, the principle of loss aversion, by talking about the greatest movie of the last decade, bar none. And that is, of course, Crazy Rich Asians.

 

Kim:

Oh, my God. Don't you love that movie?

 

Keren Eldad:

I can't even.

 

Kim:

It's hilarious.

 

Keren Eldad:

Hilarious.

 

Kim:

The Southern girl, the Southern roommate, she's.

 

Keren Eldad:

I don't know where they found her.

 

Kim:

I want to be her when I grow up. Yeah.

 

Keren Eldad:

It's just amazing. When she asks her, don't you have another cocktail dress somewhere? She goes, of course. I'm not an animal. That is one of the best lines.

 

Kim:

In the movie ever. That movie was. Okay, I've got to hear this because.

 

Keren Eldad:

I totally see you in a pink Lamborghini, by the way.

 

Kim:

Agree.

 

Keren Eldad:

Crazy Rich Asians opens and closes with a game scene. Game theory is referenced very heavily here. And it opens with a poker scene where Rachel Chu, the protagonist, is playing against her ta. The TA has a really good hand. She has a crappy hand. But then she sees that he's flinching. What does she do? She moves all her chips into the table. What does he do? He folds.

 

Keren Eldad:

And then she shows him, I didn't have anything. And then she says, why did he so royally lose? And then she explains the concept of loss aversion. She says, he lost not because he was playing with reason, but because he was playing with his psychology. And our psychology is so averse to loss, so afraid of the perceived loss of anything, that we are willing to fold a good hand rather than go for gold. When I tell people, go on the inner journey. Burn it all to the ground. The other side is better. I know this to be true.

 

Kim:

You've lived it.

 

Keren Eldad:

But most people don't believe me. Most people think this wonderful consulting job that is killing me slowly and this horrific marriage are absolutely better to nothing. And I'd like to say, who are you kidding? You are literally playing not to lose. You are not playing to win. You are not at Michael Jordan level. And you think that you are. That's the biggest deception in all types of achieving and all types of ambition. And the best question to ask there is the Dr.

 

Keren Eldad:

Phil question, how's that working for you?

 

Kim:

How's it working for you? And does this apply to everyone at every stage in every walk of life? Like, if you're over 60, should you just, like, phone it in and not.

 

Keren Eldad:

Even try as a person who plans on living to 107? Do not phone it in at 60. That's way too young. Maybe 99, move to Boca like a normal person. Start playing canasta for a living. Until then, I think there, it's not Actually, for everyone. I don't believe that everyone is karmically ready for the fullness of the journey. And that's okay. It's not for me to judge.

 

Keren Eldad:

But those of us who are really intensely wired and truly want to take a big bite out of life, yes, it is for you. It is for everyone.

 

Kim:

Yeah, but how do you know? Like, to me, if you're even questioning what it's all about, what am I doing with my life? Don't you think you're ready? Like so many people. Like so many people reach out to us via email. So many of you listening right now. I can't tell you the hundreds of messages I've gotten on social media about. I know there's more. I know. Just is asking the question, isn't that. Isn't that the place to start?

 

Keren Eldad:

You know what I mean?

 

Kim:

Am I saying. Do you understand what I'm saying?

 

Keren Eldad:

No, I totally understand what you're saying. And let's just make it super clear for people. Whenever somebody thinks that Kim and I have a special configuration or Zac is unusually gifted and for some reason that's given this desire and he's going through it. That's not true. The only.

 

Kim:

That's bs.

 

Keren Eldad:

What we all have to have in common is not skill, it's not ability, it's not favor. It's literally just desire. The only thing you have to have in this life to get everything you've ever wanted is the desire. That is where it's it. That's it.

 

Kim:

Well, you know, I think. I think we've been conditioned to think this person is so talented, they're so gifted. I've seen so many talented people sitting there, tails somewhere and doing nothing. You're right. It's desire. It's curiosity. It's.

 

Keren Eldad:

And that's what I mean by like, there are people who are at a karmic level that's different. Like they for some reason want to be in a cocoon. It's not my job to drag them.

 

Kim:

Oh, God. Okay, wait. Say that again slower, for people in the back.

 

Keren Eldad:

I'll say it the way my rabbi says it. My rabbi used to say to me, karen, if an old lady doesn't want to cross the street, don't drag her. It is not our business if somebody does not have sex.

 

Kim:

I love a good rabbi.

 

Keren Eldad:

I love a good rabbi. Me too. Especially.

 

Kim:

Nothing like a good rabbi to throw it down.

 

Keren Eldad:

Totally agree.

 

Kim:

Sorry.

 

Keren Eldad:

Totally agree. Did you see that amazing show, Nobody wants this on Netflix?

 

Kim:

Yes. I started watching it again because this Is the thing about the rabbis, right, is they speak in those parables. They speak in stories, and people can relate to stories. If a lady does. An old lady does not want to.

 

Keren Eldad:

Cross the street, you do not get to drag her.

 

Kim:

Don't drag her.

 

Keren Eldad:

And that's exactly how I've come to think. Like I used to think, why wouldn't everybody want this? You know, very Miranda Priestly, everybody wants this. Not everybody wants this. They're at a different level. They're living a different kind of life. If they want another helping of their neurosis, who am I to deprive them? Have another helping. Enjoy purgatory for another couple of years. Not a big deal.

 

Kim:

Well, but I do think there is even. If you're even sitting out there listening to Keren right now and you're saying, I've had this little. This little gnawing in my soul, this little voice inside. Don't you think, let's go down. Let's open Pandora's box, let's see what's in there.

 

Keren Eldad:

Chase the rabbit down the hole. I've been amazed by the response to Gilded so far. We launched less than a month ago, and I've been amazed by the response on podcast. I've always thought that there's something rather, I don't know, alienating perhaps, about my story, because it's just kind of bombastic and unusual. And it turns out that a lot of people have been through exactly this, and they relate to it. This is wonderful.

 

Kim:

You had a TED Talk, and you said, if you're not willing to sit with uncertainty, you will kill possibility. Lord have mercy, honey. Hallelujah to that. I mean, when you talking about uncertainty, are we certain about anything, though? Isn't everything uncertain? I mean.

 

Keren Eldad:

Yeah, exactly.

 

Kim:

I said this recently. I said, I'm the most wisest person I know. And my kids looked at me like, okay. I said, because I know I don't know nothing.

 

Keren Eldad:

That's right. I think you have to be really stupid to think that you know everything I know.

 

Kim:

Right.

 

Keren Eldad:

Or a child, a very small child. But the more you know, the more you realize that you don't know. And that means that there. That doesn't mean there. There's a lack of objective fact. It just means you have to be open enough to receive some light in any circumstance, because otherwise you will kill possibility. You will literally be married to only one option. If that's what you want, once again, go for it.

 

Keren Eldad:

But if you want to entertain the totality of possibilities, which was where life gets really juicy, Open your mind.

 

Kim:

Well, and don't you think that's, that's the, the definition of self sabotage? Don't you think a lot of us just. We just self sabotage?

 

Keren Eldad:

If I could correct one thing in the world, it would be this notion of. I know that already. Anyone who experience and exhibits this, I truly just sometimes want to give them a hug.

 

Kim:

Okay. Speaking of giving a hug, I've got something I want. I want to make this personal because I've just experienced something with a family member and I would love for you to kind of pseudo coach me through this. To coach him. So he has a substance problem. He. He self sabotages. Brilliant, brilliant young man.

 

Kim:

Very gifted, very talented. Could talk the hair off a monkey's butt. I mean, he just is so gifted. But he goes in, he does the jobs. He gets the jobs. He gets the good jobs. He self sabotages. He lasts about six months, maybe a year, and then he just falls off the wagon and falls off the deep end.

 

Kim:

And it's not, it's. It's got to be more than substance abuse. It's got to be. There's something that is causing him to self sabotage. How does he burn it to the ground?

 

Keren Eldad:

Girl, this is quite a loaded question, but the first part of the question would be, how do you feel about him? You more worried or you more in awe?

 

Kim:

There's worry. As I'm getting emotional talking about. There's worry.

 

Keren Eldad:

That's the part that's tripping you up in relating to him or being able to offer him any help. Yeah, because unfortunately.

 

Kim:

And there's anger.

 

Keren Eldad:

Because you're also not treating yourself and you're not giving yourself grace. I didn't get into the coaching game to coach executives. I started out as a suicide counselor. I've been a suicide counselor for many years. Volunteer. And I've learned that if you show up on that line with any iota of pity or concern, you have lost them already. Get off the line.

 

Keren Eldad:

The best thing that you can do.

 

Kim:

Whoa, gosh. You got to slow down, girl.

 

Keren Eldad:

This is for everybody. Everybody out there.

 

Kim:

Say that again.

 

Keren Eldad:

This is for everybody out there who's dealing with somebody that you somehow feel worried about. You think it's lovely and it is. And you need to soothe your heart because it's okay to be concerned. You're a human being, but at the same time, you are not able to help them. If that is the energy you'll meet them in. You'll meet them in the energy of the problem. You won't be able to solve anything. You have to meet them at the edge of the problem.

 

Keren Eldad:

So what I would do is always recognize that anybody who had the fortitude to call into a suicide hotline and speak to a total stranger is already a superstar. They are a hero. They are courageous. These are brave people. These are people who are trying. This is not a loser that I need to feel very sorry for. Once I saw them as a superstar, I was able to reflect back to them, their greatness. This kid clearly has something going on, right? He's got something going on.

 

Keren Eldad:

Remind yourself of what a superstar he is. Start to see a reframe what he's going through as perhaps the exploration of his soul for what it yearns to do and express around here, for the greatness it wants to feel around here. Scripted even. One of the exercises I love to offer my clients, especially mothers who are going through something like this is write it out as a script. Write out how his life ends up in the next year or two with all the success and everything going really, really well for him. And then re approach him. Then re approach him and re approach him from the place that just sees nothing but light around this superstar who has clearly come here as a very brave soul. And then you'll have another engaging conversation.

 

Keren Eldad:

We can talk about part two.

 

Kim:

Why can't we get there?

 

Keren Eldad:

Loss aversion. Because your brain's working against you. Kim, do you think that your brain is a very sophisticated tool that wants you to be happy? No. It is my mother. It is the devil. Just like my mom. It wants me to never leave the house and just stay safe and be a very good girl who never tries anything new. Shout out to Mrs.

 

Keren Eldad:

Ldad, who will be listening to this later. Hi, Mom.

 

Kim:

No, but it's true. It's true.

 

Keren Eldad:

That's what your brain's trying to do. So it immediately goes to worst case scenario. It just does.

 

Kim:

It's limiting. Yeah, it does. Relationships are so hard to get out of the pattern too. I've also got another situation I'm going through with a friend who is struggling in her marriage. Can I just say they're blessed from their rooter to their tutor. I mean, they have everything that their hearts could desire. And is it possible that they are just looking through the wrong lens?

 

Keren Eldad:

It is.

 

Kim:

And how can we break those patterns if that's the case?

 

Keren Eldad:

It is. But it's also plausible that they have unfortunately made choices through the long lens, the wrong lens, which is. And now they're living with the consequences. Not all that glitters is gold. That's why. That's the reigning metaphor of the book. Just because they're blessed from their root or their tutor does not mean that the tutor pleases them, does not mean that they're meant to live in this. In other words, it's really, really important to recognize that when we're sitting in a reality that doesn't please us, the root was way, way, way long.

 

Keren Eldad:

Back when we made a Faustian bargain or a deal with the devil, we basically sold our soul for something that felt safe and secure and like it would give us validation. We all do this when we're younger. I sure did.

 

Kim:

Are you just saying that settling. We settle?

 

Keren Eldad:

I think so. I think we settle in many weird ways. We settle for careers that look right. We settle for titles that look right on LinkedIn. We settle for salaries rather than the glory of the job we really want to do. We definitely settle for marriages that look fantastic on Instagram and are nowhere near interesting to us as a human being. And I've seen this again and again and again.

 

Kim:

What is the opposite of settling, then? Like, so if settling is what we do, what should we do?

 

Keren Eldad:

The opposite is going for gold. It's winning the lottery. Let me give you an example, just by talking about my new marriage. Well, it's not new anymore. We've been together for many years now. Ryan is so awesome that I hope he never dies. I genuinely do. And I hope that.

 

Kim:

Well, honey, that's. That's good. That. Yes, that's, you know, that's. You've won the lottery there.

 

Keren Eldad:

You know, I won the lottery, and I really feel like I would choose him again in every single lifetime. I genuinely feel like I am blessed beyond any comprehension. That is exactly where you want to go. That is available to absolutely everyone. And don't let anybody tell you different. And the same thing goes for work. I now work. I wake up eager for the day, just like you.

 

Keren Eldad:

I like doing this so much that I literally volunteer my time. It's an absolute joy to be here. That is what everybody has to gain by just being brave enough to go. This is not good enough for me anymore.

 

Kim:

And I think a lot of people listening to this, that's where they are. That's where they're at. You know, that's the place that they're at. What am I going to do? How am I going to do this? This is not work. You know, I'm saying a lot of people are stuck in that rut.

 

Keren Eldad:

I agree. Now, they can do one or Two things, and I've seen both. One is to just say, that lady doesn't know what she's talking about. I am happy. And Here are the 10 ways I am happy to you. I'd like to say you're justifying just a little too much. And number two is to say, I hear you. You're right.

 

Keren Eldad:

I'm going to look for the delta between where I am and where I really want to go. And I'm going to try to find it. That's it.

 

Kim:

That's it.

 

Keren Eldad:

Happy people are usually humble.

 

Kim:

Well, yeah. I'm telling you, the more of this, what you say, this creative success, this ambition that is good. The more I have that, the more I realize, oh my God, I love this.

 

Keren Eldad:

Yeah, it's the best. You want everybody to have it too.

 

Kim:

That's why we don't have to chase it. You don't have to chase it, I promise you. Manifestation is one thing. It's girl, it's real in a good way and it's real in a bad way. Can we speak to that? Because people get confused. They think it's a woo woo zoo.

 

Keren Eldad:

Zhu, you know, it's not woo woo at all. It's the law of the universe and I can break it.

 

Kim:

I'm a believer. You know what I'm saying? I'm a person of faith. So it's like I have seen it work in my life. Not accidentally, but it just happens and you don't even know it's happening. It's like it's truth and you don't know it's truth. Right?

 

Keren Eldad:

It is truth. But it's also very convenient even if you just decide to believe. I don't have a problem with it because faith to me is certainty beyond reason. And when you have certainty beyond reason, things just start working for you. In the words of the great Madonna in the song Material Girl experience.

 

Kim:

I love Madonna.

 

Keren Eldad:

Her early years experiences made me rich and now they're after me. Basically, the law of attraction is essential. You become so magnetic that it literally starts to chase you and you are relaxing more and more into it due to faith. It's a very, very simple understanding. The first understanding is that we are entirely made out of energy. That is not up for dispute. That is a Newtonian physical law. We are all entirely comprised of energy.

 

Keren Eldad:

That energy vibrates. It vibrates at a high level or it vibrates at a low frequency. Right? We all know that everybody understands atoms. Negative charge, lower charge. Thoughts also have vibration. Thoughts can vibrate high and they can vibrate low frequency and by the law of attraction they will attract correlating events. Once you start to understand how this process genuinely works, it's undeniable and it lines up perfectly with anything you want. Positive psychology or Kabbalah, go super woo woo or go straight to academia.

 

Keren Eldad:

This is law. And I always say if people are skeptical, what do you got to lose? What have you got to lose? There are enough of us out there for whom this clearly works so just maybe try it out.

 

Kim:

You've got to tell me because there's so many things I could talk about manifestation because I love love, love this I'm going to give you a quick example because I want you to tell me one for you. My best friend Amy. She was broker than broke. We were young and she needed a new washer and dryer. I will never forget this, Keren. This was real. I saw it, I witnessed it and I said we're going to start manifesting that washer and dryer. Just think about oh my gosh, I'm going to find a way.

 

Kim:

I'm going to have. She goes I'm okay, I'm going to wish I'm going to have money to buy a washer dryer. I said don't even save the money. Just say I'm going to get the washer and dryer. That's right, I'm going to find a washer. We drove through my neighborhood because I was married at the time. There was a washer and dryer sitting on a side of the road that says 3 months old free take me.

 

Keren Eldad:

Unbelievable.

 

Kim:

She got her big butt out of the car and sat on the washer and dryer until I could go get a truck to get works that that real?

 

Keren Eldad:

That's right. And this is a relatively easy thing because she probably didn't have too many garbage beliefs around washer and dryer. However.

 

Kim:

That's a good point.

 

Keren Eldad:

If you're trying to manifest love and your dominant beliefs or love is pain, you're going to have a little bit of a harder time. But if you have a very clean and that's, that's why we do the work. We do the work to clean up the garbage that we have around particular topics. Why do you think people have. They watch the secret over and over and then they don't understand why they don't become rich because you have a lot of garbage nonsense around that is around things and about money.

 

Kim:

You got to explain that again. I mean because I know you think well I just did. But I want you to do it even more because I think that's. Do you think that's one of the big reasons people.

 

Keren Eldad:

Yes.

 

Kim:

Okay. Can't manifest.

 

Zac:

First of all, they're turned in the wrong direction. And they're turned in the wrong direction because they're fear based. If they're fear based, that means that they're basing almost everything they're pointing at through the lens of fear, of paralysis, of worry, of doubt. Like I said with you and your beloved and with anybody else trying to manifest something and not figuring it out usually, or manifesting the tutor situation and still not being happy, it's because they've pointed in the wrong direction to begin with. Your targets have been off. Once you readjust your targets, you understand that I actually don't have any reason to make this thing that I really want rare or expensive or impossible. It is possible. Here's why it's possible.

 

Keren Eldad:

Here are so many examples of people who have made this possible. Then you can cross into the threshold of possibilities rather than lack of possibilities. Once again, thinking that you know everything and that the only way to get a washer and dryer is to find the money for the washer and dryer. You literally open up to the universe serving you a washer and dryer.

 

Kim:

Okay, you've got to explain to everybody right here, because you get me excited, girl. I peed a little bit on myself. I'm so excited. Listen to this. When you say the lack of possibilities says that you think you know everything. Explain that to people because they don't even know what you're talking about.

 

Keren Eldad:

These poor, lovely souls. Poor.

 

Kim:

Well, no, I'm serious.

 

Keren Eldad:

No, I've experienced it, so I experience it. Let's say that you really. Let's just walk through a demonstration or an example to make this really easy for people. Let's say that you really, really just let's. You want more money. You just want more money. It's really simple. You want 100 grand, and you'd really like it, and you'd like it to be easy and fun, but you think that a hundred grand is really, really hard to manifest.

 

Keren Eldad:

It's always been very hard for you to find. It's always been very rare. And all the people you know who have accumulated $100,000 have sold their souls and. Or inherited it and. Or sold drugs for it. That means that that's what you know. What you know is the beliefs around this that are making you tripped up and how hard and how rare and how exclusive this thing is that is already keeping it away from you. What you must do is turn your vision in the direction of possibilities.

 

Keren Eldad:

The possibility that $100,000 is available to you. The possibility that $100,000 could fall from the sky. The possibility that $100,0000 is something you can figure out. In other words, you're moving towards it, making it easier, easier, softer, softer. And then you're literally able to magnetize it to you.

 

Kim:

But what are you talking about when you say it's very arrogant or think you know everything by staying in the lack of possibility? Because people would not think. No, people would not think. That is arrogance or that is. Explain that.

 

Keren Eldad:

I don't think it's arrogance. I think it's myopia. Myopia means shortsightedness. The reason it's happening to you is a phenomenon known as cognitive bias. There are more than 100 known biases. The brain is always looking to confirm what it already knows. So you literally don't even know what you don't know. If all I'm looking for is cat information on Instagram, all I will be served by the algorithm is cat content, and I will live in a heavenly bliss that assumes that everybody loves cats.

 

Keren Eldad:

But we all know that's not true, right? There are some weird people who don't love cats. So for me to even consider that and to consider that that's not a terrible thing means I have to get out of my echo chamber. This is why, once again, teachers are so useful to us. Because people like me, we like to sit in front of you like a friendly trial lawyer and go, you sure about that? Are you 100% sure about that? And there you are.

 

Kim:

And we all need that, y'all. It is that. It's that mirror. It's that. Putting it up to your face. Oh, my God. I'm obsessed with you. We're going to be best friends.

 

Keren Eldad:

Same.

 

Kim:

I feel like Texas. I think we need to go have Mexican together.

 

Keren Eldad:

I'm very much looking forward to it. Come on down.

 

Kim:

A bean burrito. At the very least, can I book a session with you? Because God knows I need it anytime. All right, all right. Well, you can't go anywhere without me doing what we do for every guest, especially you, because, girl, you are so quick witted. I can just tell right now. So I'm gonna ask you these questions. What comes up, comes out. We call it rapid fire.

 

Kim:

It's gonna be so fire and so rapid, I'm not gonna be able to keep up. So here we go. Rapid fire questions. What advice would you give to your.

 

Keren Eldad:

Younger self, be easy on yourself. You're doing way better than you think.

 

Kim:

Right?

 

Keren Eldad:

I wish she heard that. Poor thing.

 

Kim:

Bless her heart.

 

Keren Eldad:

Bless her heart.

 

Kim:

Bless her heart. What is one beautiful thing about you? On the outside and inside?

 

Keren Eldad:

I'm funny.

 

Kim:

You're funny.

 

Keren Eldad:

I think humor is one of the best, easiest connectors of all time. And it comes out. But it's also an ability to think funny, which makes me very relaxed about life.

 

Kim:

And on the outside, the hilarity with.

 

Keren Eldad:

Which I deliver things through my mouth.

 

Kim:

And I gotta tell you, you got good lips, sister.

 

Keren Eldad:

You're very kind. Thank you. It's a good lipstick.

 

Kim:

Okay. All right. I'll tell you.

 

Keren Eldad:

Maybe it's Maybelline.

 

Kim:

Maybe, maybe, maybe. I feel like I see a manifesting a beauty deal here.

 

Keren Eldad:

I'd love that.

 

Kim:

Let's do it. If you got to coach one fictional character for a day, ooh, who would it be?

 

Keren Eldad:

Frasier Crane.

 

Kim:

Oh, God bless America. You gonna go that deep? That quick?

 

Keren Eldad:

Yes. Frasier Crane. I would love to coach Frasier Crane.

 

Kim:

How would you coach him?

 

Keren Eldad:

I would help him become a grown up faster. Talk about a person who was obsessed with all the wrong things, which was hilarious, by the way.

 

Kim:

Yes, yes. Talk about cranky.

 

Keren Eldad:

And it's a shame because he's such a. Like, the reason the show works is because he's such a decent character. You really want to help him?

 

Kim:

Okay, if you can ban one overused self help buzzword forever, what would it be?

 

Keren Eldad:

Holistic. I also don't really like, and I really mean this, I don't really like the misuse of the word trauma because it's way overused. There's real trauma. With due respect, ptsd. What soldiers are suffering, what released hostages are suffering. The nonsense that you're talking about. And I don't enjoy the conflation of the two at all.

 

Kim:

It's the truth, right?

 

Keren Eldad:

Yeah.

 

Kim:

And when we label things that aren't really trauma trauma, what does that do to our psyche? What does that do to our manifestation?

 

Keren Eldad:

You're labeling yourself. You're literally labeling yourself in some way challenged. And that is just crippling for your life. It's completely phony baloney, and I would not use it. I also think it's disrespectful.

 

Kim:

I didn't even ask you about this. What about playing the victim? We have a lot of victimization that we put on ourselves.

 

Keren Eldad:

It's the biggest tragedy in all of society. I do not enjoy this. But again, this. This makes you. This is why coaching is coaching. We don't. We don't want to look back. We're not repressing anything.

 

Keren Eldad:

We're just really eradicating the part of ourselves that feels like we're not in the driver's seat of our own car. Of course you are. This is your life. Own it. Own the good, own the bad, so that you have some modicum of power around here. Without it, you don't have anything.

 

Kim:

We're so blessed.

 

Keren Eldad:

We really are. We are so blessed that we're inventing problems at this stage.

 

Kim:

Okay, that's the next book. That is going to be the next podcast. I love that. You're so right. 1,000% right.

 

Keren Eldad:

These are rich.

 

Kim:

And I'm so guilty of that. Guilty. Guilty. Okay, if you could bottle your life philosophy into a fragrance, what would you call it?

 

Keren Eldad:

Happy by Keren Oded.

 

Kim:

I like it.

 

Keren Eldad:

I know Clinique is already using it.

 

Kim:

But you could call yours Happy.

 

Keren Eldad:

Happiness and Cats. The Coach Keren fragrance.

 

Kim:

If you could write a message on every billboard in Times Square, what would you write?

 

Keren Eldad:

You don't know what you don't know.

 

Kim:

Amen. Okay, preach. I think there's something there to that. Anyway, what's your favorite junk food? Sweet and salty.

 

Keren Eldad:

Oh, my God, please don't.

 

Kim:

Please don't say kale. Don't say any of that.

 

Keren Eldad:

Get real with it, please. I'm pre diabetic for a reason.

 

Kim:

Okay?

 

Keren Eldad:

My absolute favorite is Pete Terry's Veggie burger, fries and a milkshake. Strawberry, of course.

 

Kim:

Dang, I've never. My husband's a vegetarian. What kind of burger is that?

 

Keren Eldad:

It's a veggie burger. It's very delicious. It's made out of beans, and it has zero nutritional value. Just the way I like it.

 

Kim:

Where do you get it?

 

Keren Eldad:

Is it D. Terry's? It's a big chain here in Texas.

 

Kim:

Oh, I got to go order that.

 

Keren Eldad:

It's delish.

 

Kim:

I love a black bean burger. I love it.

 

Keren Eldad:

Me, too. Me too. Oh, by the way, Shake Shack is a second. A close second. And then I would end the meal with their frozen custard. They also have a very delicious veggie offering.

 

Kim:

Okay. All right. See? You learn something every day.

 

Keren Eldad:

Just saying, if you enjoy fried food, and I sure do.

 

Kim:

Well, Lord knows you look at me. Until I enjoy fried food. Anyway, what is your celebrity crush?

 

Keren Eldad:

Oh, my God.

 

Kim:

Who is your. Who.

 

Keren Eldad:

Who is your celebrity crush right now? It's Hot Rabbi from Nobody wants this. What's that guy's name?

 

Kim:

Oh, yeah, I don't know, who cares what his name is?

 

Keren Eldad:

Adam Brody, Something like that.

 

Kim:

He is so fantastic.

 

Kim:

And I've been waiting for season two. When is that coming out? I don't know.

 

Keren Eldad:

But I'm counting the days because it's so like, not.

 

Kim:

I hope they really end up together. And she converts and they all nine yards.

 

Keren Eldad:

Let's see what happens. It's just so, you know, as a Jewish person, it's highly unlikely, but it's still a darling show. There is no way a rabbi is marrying a shiksa. Just no way.

 

Kim:

Well, maybe she can.

 

Keren Eldad:

She can, she could.

 

Kim:

Oh, my God, I love you so much.

 

Keren Eldad:

I don't know, but I don't care. I don't. I don't go to TV for reality.

 

Kim:

No, we don't. We're. We're. That's our little bit of escapism. Okay, one last question. One last question to anybody and everybody that's listening to your voice. Keren, can you in one minute or less, coach us to the next level? Or at least thinking about the next level because people are wanting it. Girl, we need you.

 

Keren Eldad:

I think I'd begin by asking myself a very honest question. Just doing the following exercise will be hugely enlightening to you. I want you to sit down and write for each area of your life. What would it look like if it were truly happy? Your finances, your marriage, just partnership in general. If you are not partnered at the moment. Your career, your environment. And then literally just observe the delta between where you are and where you would want to be if you were truly happy. This is already opening you up to the possibility of learning something new and moving in that direction.

 

Keren Eldad:

It's extraordinarily useful. It allows the real information that gets you from here to there that you can find in great self help books. Move you in that direction.

 

Kim:

That's a good word. Just write it down.

 

Keren Eldad:

Just write it down. Just see, look. Look at the delta. Look at the distance between where you are and where you want to go. It's the most useful thing you can do to open up to your future.

 

Kim:

And is it ever too far away?

 

Keren Eldad:

No, nothing is ever too far away. Life is long. You've got time. You're gonna be fine.

 

Kim:

All right, y'all, you can go follow Keren on her social media coachcaren or her website kereneldad.com.

 

Keren Eldad:

And I spell Keren with two E's just in case.

 

Kim:

With two E's. With two E's. And y'all gotta go get her book. Breaking Free from the Cage of Ambition. Perfectionism and the relentless pursuit of more. Can I just tell you? It's everywhere. Books are sold, so check it out. Go everywhere.

 

Kim:

Get it. Keren, I've got to call you. I think I feel like I have met a soul sister. I think we're kind of kindred spirits.

 

Keren Eldad:

I truly hope that you'll follow through on that, because I really believe it and I'm here for it.

 

Kim:

Well, this is the thing, you know. Don't you think there's different levels of leveling up in, like, in my career and in my life right now? I feel like God is calling me even higher to this purpose that, you know, that. Yeah, I don't know there is more. But that good ambition, that purpose, that calling in life. I'm gonna call you. You got my calling is gonna call you.

 

Keren Eldad:

Yeah. And you have to go all in. And you have to fight all of the demons that are telling you that this is enough and you're just fine where you are. That always happens to everybody, right? Whenever they're starting to get called to more. The devil, I. I like to call the ego the devil. The devil wants you to stay where you are, but your job now is to go full throttle. And anything I can do to help that, it would be my.

 

Keren Eldad:

Absolutely.

 

Kim:

I'm going to be reaching out and I might call you for my whole little team, too, because complacency kills. I mean, the worst.

 

Keren Eldad:

I know I like to be content.

 

Kim:

But complacency, it's the worst.

 

Keren Eldad:

But I can get complacent real fast.

 

Kim:

Me too, girl.

 

Keren Eldad:

That's how great TV is.

 

Kim:

Honey. Them good shows, I'm telling you. All right, girl. Come back and be with us. Thank you for coming on the show. I love you so much.

 

Keren Eldad:

Thanks, y'all.

 

Kim:
The Kim Gravel Show is produced and edited by Zac Miller at Uncommon Audio. Our associate producer is Kathleen Grant from the Brunette Exec. Production help from  Emily Bredin and Sara Noto. Our cover art is designed by Sanaz Huber at Memarian Creative. Our show is edited by Mike Kligerman. Our guest intros are performed by Roxy Reese. Our guest booking is done by Central Talent Booking. Our ads are furnished by True Native Media. And y'all, I want to give a big huge thank you to the entire team at QVC+ and a special thank you to our audience for making this community so strong. If you are still listening then you must have liked a few episodes along the way. So tell somebody about it. Tell somebody about this show and join our mailing list at kimgravelshow.com. I cannot do this show without you and so I thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening. I hope you gain a little bit of encouragement, light and love love from watching and listening to The Kim Gravel Show. I love you all so much. Till next time. Bye.