Unlocking Your Potential: How To Break Free of Your Circumstances with Fit Kitty Culture's Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer

*This transcript was auto-generated*

Kim Gravel: Coming up on the Kim Gravel show, do you feel like you're getting the most out of your life? Every single day?

Zac Miller: 100 percent no.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: I had lost myself in being a mom. My priority was like the dog came before me.

You know, like I was so low on the tone pole when it comes to priorities. I'm going to get real emotional about it because it was like a real pivotal point in my life.

And it was definitely God saying, girl, you took that step. I got you. And I see you stumbling, but I'm going to, I'm going to carry you to this next level. We're doing her show. And we're changing lives to building confidence all the time.

Opening Introduction: Let's just go on and spill the tea. This is The Kim Gravel Show. This is one of the realest persons I've ever met in my darn life. You gotta watch this. My mission is to encourage every single woman, we're here to lift y'all up. There's no one more effective than moms. You mess with the bull. You going to get the horns. I need coffee. I need Jesus and I need therapy. If you can bring a smile to people's faces, why would you not? We love our kids. We love our husbands. What a blessing. We're gonna dedicate this to you in finding your superpower. Okay girl. True confidence is knowing who you are and why you're here.

Kim Gravel: Hey y'all. This is the Kim Gravel show where every single week we all come together and help each other level up our lives. And this week is no different because we have an amazing guest who's going to be talking about business, fitness culture and how to really just squeeze every ounce of life. Out of our lives and, and Zac, I'm telling you, you know what I mean by that?

Like squeeze every, not every single time moment and just busy, busy, busy. I'm not talking about that. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Zac Miller: I have no idea what you're talking about, Kim. Hello, Kim. Hi, by the way, I'm happy to be here too.

Kim Gravel: Well, I'm glad you're here. If I knows you by now, I could just answer the question.

I mean, do you know what I'm saying?

Zac Miller: Like lemonade, lemon situation. Like, what are we talking about here? Do you mean like, this is good to the last drop?

Kim Gravel: Good to the last drop. That's brilliant. Okay. Stealing it. Using it good to the last drop is exactly what I'm talking about. Like, do you feel like you're getting the most out of your life every single day?

Zac Miller: 100%? No, I can tell you right now.

Kim Gravel: I was waiting for you to go 100%. Yes, I'm on it. 100%. No, I know. And that's, you know, that's what we're talking about. We always say, Zac, about leveling up, but really, is it just, is it just being able to harvest everything out of the life that we want to live? Yes. I know I don't do that.

Zac Miller: Oh yeah. Okay. So here's my question for you. I'm going to turn it around on you. Do you feel like you, do you feel like you do that? Do you live every day to its fullest? Does anyone do that?

Kim Gravel: Well, Jacquie's going to come on. She's going to talk to us about that because she really, she's a person who decided, you know what?

I'm not living the life that I've always dreamed of. I'm not getting out of life, everything I want to. And so she made a huge. Pivot, a huge change, left a very lucrative job, making tons of money, a lot of influence to do her own thing and live her leveled up life. Okay? So, you don't want to miss a minute of this episode, and if you're ready to squeeze, okay?

Every bit, every drop, you know, of amazing, fulfilled, adventurous life. Out of your life and stay tuned because we're going to be right back.

All right, y'all remember when I said we're going to level up our lives. We're going to learn how to do that this week. I could not have a better person on the show today to talk about that. I have so much admiration and respect for her for so many reasons. Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer is here and she's a friend.

I call her Jacquie. She's the founder and CEO of Fit Kitty Culture. It's athleisure wear, fitness wear, skincare, wellness branch, everything about being healthy and well. She was the vice president in brand development for IT Cosmetics. I met her at QVC. You'll recognize her because she's done hundreds of hours of shows on QVC for IT Cosmetics.

She serves on so many boards of non profit and she's truly living. Her why she's truly leveling up her life and she's inspiring others to think bigger, dream bigger, make more positive changes and live that leveled up life that we're all looking for. Jacquie girl, welcome to the Kim Gravel show.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Oh my gosh, I get a song?

Zac Miller: You get a song. Yeah, you get a song.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: I love it. I love it. I'm gonna keep, I'm gonna make that my ringtone.

Kim Gravel: You need to make it your ringtone, Jacquie.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Oh my gosh, I'm so excited to be here with my friend Kim. I love it. And by the way, can I brag about your book for just a minute?

Kim Gravel: I know. You can.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: I have to. It's so good. And I have a few things that I want to talk about if we can, but I'll let you lead the can shoot the breeze.

Kim Gravel: Okay. Okay. There's so much to talk about. Where do we begin, Jacquie? We haven't even digested you not being on QVC anymore. I miss seeing your face in QVC, but what, what made you make that move?

What made you say, you know what? I've done what I can do here with IT Cosmetics and QVC. I'm ready to go on and do my own thing. So many people are right where you were when you did that.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: It's the hardest thing because a lot of us, we're in that space where we're We have a successful career. We make good money.

You know, how you're, you know, how do you take that leap of faith to believe in yourself to, you know, change the direction of your future, right? Especially when I'm the breadwinner for my family. I have boys, you know, my husband does well, but I'm, you know, am the one that really. Mix the money in the family.

Kim Gravel: Your vice president, you know, you had a huge position.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Yeah. And so with your family, depending on you, how do you make that shift? Right. And I just felt like my time was done and there was something bigger for me to do. Like I had a bigger calling to answer to. And so I knew it was my time to move on.

Kim Gravel: Can I, I can just be honest with you. Cause you know, we know each other that way, but yeah, I remember you and I being in that building, eating the ding dongs, the ho hos, candy bars, and I remember, I mean, it's hard, Zac.

I mean, it's, it's like you're in this, I mean, you just eat what you can, you grab it and go, and you know, there is no shelf or prepared meals. So I remember one day I saw you and I'm like, Oh my gosh, she's so pretty. And the next day I saw you, I was like, Oh my gosh, she's so gorgeous and so thin. You made a shift.

You made a fitness, health and wellness shift right before my eyes. Was that what, what propelled you into doing, Fit Kitty Culture?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Well, I would say so this. So Fit Kitty was a brand that I started before IT Cosmetics.

Kim Gravel: I did not know that. I did not.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Yeah. And so it was, well, it was before the internet. It was before all of the, those things.

And so it was a little LA brand and then Jamie had asked me to help her with IT Cosmetics back in 2008. And And so, you know, her and I have been best friends for over 27 years. And so when she came to me, she told me about her vision. She said, I want to do things differently. I want to help real women feel they're most confident, they're most beautiful.

And I believed in her mission. So I said, okay, I'll come help you. But I have these other things going on. I'll come help you. Because I didn't want it to impact our friendship and then the next thing, you know, 14 years later, I'm still there.

And so, so I had put Fit Kitty on the sideburner, right?

Okay. And then when it was time for me to take another step back. I'm 45 years old and I look in the mirror and I don't even recognize myself anymore. I look in the mirror. I'm like who is this woman staring back at me? Because I was always into fitness. I was always into wellness I was always into taking care of myself my health not just for the appearance My mom died at a young age.

I just wanted to live a long life, right? I had a reason to live for my son and I, so I had to rediscover myself. I had to say, who am I? What do I like to do? What are, what are my values? What do I believe in? Because I had lost myself at a cosmetics. I had lost myself in being a mom. My priority was like the dog came before me, you know, like I was so low on the totem pole when it comes to priorities that I had to make a shift for my own health.

For my own wellness, my, you know, mental wellness, and then also to be a good example for my son and what having balance and health looks like so that when he grows up, he doesn't fall into the same patterns that I had had.

Kim Gravel: But how did you Go about rediscovering yourself. And I ask you this question, Jacquie, because there's so many women in particularly listening to this right now that I think are sitting in the same boat that you were back then and are saying, you're reevaluating a lot of people are looking at their lives and going, okay, who am I and why am I here?

And, and, and, and what I'm doing now align with that in so many people. Are they know, like you knew you looked at me, I don't recognize myself. They know that, but they don't know how to rediscover. Like you said, how did you take the step in finding yourself again?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Yeah, it was really hard and painful, but what I sat down and thought about, first of all, is what is the kind of life that I want to have for myself and what does that person.

What does that person do to have that life, right? What does that person do to have that life? So I want to be healthy. I want to have good energy. What does someone healthy do? They nourish their bodies. They eat healthy food. They work out, you know, all of these things and I'm like, well, that was the girl I used to be and it just made sense.

It just clicked for me. So then I just started being that girl.

Kim Gravel: Okay. Okay. Let me ask you this, because this is, Zac and I have been having, we've just taped another episode about this. Okay, Zac, see what I'm saying? Okay.

Zac Miller: Yeah. I hear it.

Kim Gravel: Hold on, Jacquie. I'm letting you know, it's not an inside secret joke or conversation.

I'm going to let you get in on it. But you said something that, that Zac and I were debating, healthy debating, a couple of weeks ago when we were taping this episode. You said you just decided. Isn't that just what you just said? Yeah. Did she say decided? Yeah. What? Okay, follow me because I think it always starts with a decision.

I think so many people are trying to get healthy or trying to change their life or taking a course on how to change their life or reading a book and all this and they're getting a lot of information and they're taking action, but they haven't decided.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Yeah, you have to decide that you are worthy of it.

That you deserve to be a priority in your own life and that you can make it happen. Even if you mess up, like everyone messes up, but guess what? You get to restart every minute of the day. I mess up right now, two minutes from now, I can restart, right? You always have the power to choose your life.

Yeah.

Kim Gravel: You always have the power of a decision of a decision. Yes. And I'm telling you, when you said you, that is the key. And when you decide, I often say this, we don't trust ourselves. Because we let ourselves down. We make these promises to ourselves, and then we let ourselves down, and so we don't trust that we'll follow through.

But you have, you have, and now Fit Kitty Culture is born, and can I just say, the whole thing looks hotter than hot. I'm telling you, I'm going to put on me one of them little outfits and start hitting the streets. I mean, it's so, like what, what, so, so all that has been in the works for over a decade. And yes, and if the time has come for it to be birth, what was that like?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: It was really exciting to be honest. Like I I knew I was ready. Okay, I knew I was ready. Like everything in your life takes you. You know, and you know about this in your own life. Everything happens takes you to your next journey. It's true Had I you know had I kept going with fit kitty Back then I don't think it would be the same brand.

In fact, I know it wasn't it was going in a different direction It wouldn't be the same brand that i've created today, right? And so it was I needed to take a pause to make it what it's going to be today. And really it's all about women's empowerment. It's not just about the clothes or the skincare, all those things.

It's really about when one woman sees another woman wearing my logo. My goal is she walks up to her and high fives her. Gives her some kind of positive affirmation. Like you've got this girl. I see you working out. I see you doing your thing. You're looking great. You know, like whatever it is, I want it to be the sisterhood.

Of just women empowering other women, because here's the thing. Yes. Women need permission. Yes. To be kind to other women. I don't know to make themselves. You know, well, we grow up saying, asking, can I have a snack? Can I go to the bathroom? You know what I mean? Like when we're kids, we're taught. We, especially if you're a good girl, you need permission to do this or that.

So it's no wonder we need permission to believe in ourselves, to do things for ourselves, because we're not raised to do that. No matter what your economic status, no matter where you come from, you're taught, you need to raise your hand before you ask a question. Before you, you know, before you do anything, you need permission.

So it's no wonder we need permission to take care of ourselves.

Kim Gravel: Oh, gosh, Jacquie. That's such a good word. It is such a deep, deep moment. We have to stop and talk about that because. I think you just hit the nail on the head there. We have to, we've been taught to be good girls, to be, I don't want to say the word submissive because that's such a, you know, word.

We're not gonna talk about that, but you're asking permission. I like that. Can I get a snack? Can. And I would say it's different for boys, because I have boys. They don't come ask me if they have a snack. They just go get every snack they can find.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: I know. In fact, when you want a snack, you're like, where are the snacks?

Kim Gravel: Where are my snacks? And I hide them, girl. I have me a Hershey's Almond Bar back behind the hot sauce in the refrigerator right now. I have to hide my stuff.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: That is my favorite candy bar.

Kim Gravel: You know, Hershey's with almonds on me too. I love the crunch, honey. I'm a texture eater, but no, it's true. You you're right.

Boys don't have the same. They have a lot of, expectation in, you know, authority. Do I'm saying for lack of a better word over their own lives, women do not, you are so right. Okay. So, so you've given your, you've given yourself permission to step into this new role and this new place. What Jacquie has been some of the doubts that have come through your mind during the process.

Cause I know they've been there cause they're there with me every day. Almost.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: I think the biggest fear I had to overcome was leaving a stable job. That's security because we all are on the search for security and having that and just taking the risk in myself and believing in myself that I could. Do it on my own.

Kim Gravel: Did you prepare for the risk? I did.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: I did. You know, there's, I knew in my mind, it's going to take three years or more before I even start making, you know what I mean? Like, you know, I know very painful, right? You're like, where are those coupons?

To feel in alignment with my purpose, I had to do this.

Because I felt like it was more than just building a company. It was building a mission.

Kim Gravel: Yes. It was bigger than, you know.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: It was bigger than me. It was bigger than me. And I just, I deserve this and the women that I connect with deserve this.

Kim Gravel: So many people are going to relate to this, Jacquie, how was it to put that dream on the shelf and help someone else that's friendless and, you know, I have a BFF, I get it.

And I think Amy sometimes have done that for me, you know, where she's, she's stepped in to support me. How was that? For you having to do, and you were called to that for such a time as that as well. How was that? Did that serve you any way when you launched this? I mean, give us, cause, cause that's, that's a long time to wait for your dreams to manifest and come true.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: It is, but I felt like I was helping my sister, like I was lifting her up. Like I was carrying the chair, you know what I mean? And so when you see, when you see your friend fulfill their dreams and their destiny, and you can. It's like just almost as good. It was as good as mine.

Kim Gravel: Did you call to that too?

Like, did you feel called to that for that moment? Cause I think a lot of people think, well, it'll never happen for me or my, my dreams and my goals, especially women. A lot of times we, we, we sacrifice our own for our children or we sacrifice our own for our partner or our husband. We sacrifice our own for our friends.

And it's really it's, I don't know if it's a sacrifice, if it's not just. A learning experience for what's coming for you. Would you say that?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Well, it was definitely part of my journey because I did cosmetics the first few years. A lot of people don't know it was just Jamie, her husband and me, just the three of us.

And I would be an and customer service. And then I would be Jacquie for the PR role that I had. And then, you know, Jamie and I working on product development, like I, it was. My hands were in everything. So unlike someone who graduates from college and steps into the marketing department or steps into this, I was the Jacquie of all trades, literally, right?

And so from an entrepreneurial perspective, I lived that entrepreneur life right next to her step by step. Even more importantly, I truly believed we were going to make a difference in the beauty space. I believed in her mission. We wanted to make women feel beautiful in their own skin, no matter where they came from, what they looked like, you know, how we wanted every woman to see herself and to feel confident for the first time, or maybe the first time in a long time.

That was our mission and I believed in it and I still do to this day.

Kim Gravel: Yeah. Well, and you did it to this day. You both did it and you both did it and everybody thinks it's always one part. It's not. And you're doing it again with Fit Kitty Culture. Okay. So I want to tell a little bit of fun sidebar fun facts about you because people don't know this, but you jamma DJ, like DJ, like hardcore, right?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Yes. Travel the world. Yes.

Kim Gravel: Did you really? Jacquie, come with it. How did that happen? And how do you go from being this DJ? Because that that's an untraditional role for a woman.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: It was a really untraditional role, and I came into it. You know, when God has a plan for you, like it doesn't matter, it does not, it doesn't matter.

And so I was a fitness instructor also most of my life. So when I say before it, you know, when you saw me at my heaviest, that really was not who I was. So I was a fitness instructor and I used to make my own mixtapes for my classes because I was love music. It's my thing. And I always wanted to have the, but when you came to my class, I wanted it to be Jacquie's music is the best.

Right. And so there's this guy that used to come to my spinning class and I didn't know it, but he actually owned a club in Los Angeles and I was living in LA at the time. He's, he came up to me and he's like, who makes your mixes? They are so good. I love them. I love your music. And I said, well, I do.

And he's like, you do, he's like, you have to come spin at my club. I was like, no, no, no, no, no. I just do these for my classes. I, you know, I'm a living room DJ. It's just for fun. It's a hobby. He's like, no, just come. You can do like the, I have this little VIP section. You can come spin there. It's mostly my friends, you know, just give it a try.

I'll have a backup DJ there in case. Things don't work out, but just come give it a try. Well, I went, I, and this is back in the day when you used to have to carry crates of records into the club. So I'm carrying crates up the stairs into the VIP area that, you know, bouncers are helping me carry my stuff in.

I go in and I do it. I'm nervous as, as all get out. I do it. And it was so much fun. And then they offered me a residency, which when you're a DJ, having a residency is a big deal, right?

Zac Miller: On your first time out?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: They were just like, okay, we want you to come play on Tuesday nights.

So it was my first residency. And that's kind of how I got my, you know, my, I guess, boots on the ground. I don't know how else you'd describe it, but just how I got into the industry. And this was back in the day when there was MySpace. And at the time there was a, like being a female DJ was like, like non existent.

And so, so other DJs would actually come to see me to see if I could really DJ. You know what I mean? To see if I could beat mix, do all that stuff. And so then those DJs would come and they would become fans and they're like, Oh, come spin with me at this club. Or I have this other. You know, gig for you.

And so it kind of opened up all these doors for me, which then in turn, I think helped with my TV presence at QVC. It was just kind of all leading me down this path to be ready. Cause I didn't, wasn't an actress. I wasn't like, You know, great at being in front of other people. I like preferred being behind the scenes.

So really it was this whole thing that just kind of, you never know when one thing is going to take you to the next.

Kim Gravel: Nothing is ever wasted. We think sometimes we've made mistakes or we have gotten, off track or we have, we're on plan B and we're always on plan A. We're always on plan A. I'm telling you, I, I, nothing is ever wasted.

I mean, I could tell you story after story and, and you just saying the DJ thing. That's what I thought. I was like, oh, well that made you perfect for live television and for performing and even for what you're going to head into with Fit Kitty Culture. It's all connected. It's all that, that rich soul where all these seeds have been planted.

Would you agree?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Yeah. Yeah. And I think also to just having that confidence of changing careers, you know, from being a fitness person to being a DJ to, to going into it, it gave me the confidence to actually think about my past and leaving it. When you asked earlier, like, how did you make that shift? Well, I'd already made shifts in my career.

You know, I was 48 years, 49 years old when I left it cosmetics. You know, like that's, you're late in your career to start a new career at 49 years, or start a new life change at 49 years old. I would say pretty courageous, you know, but that's like, Oh, I'm too, I'm too late. It's too late for me.

Kim Gravel: It's never too late. It's never too late.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: It's never too late to decide.

Kim Gravel: Yes. Yes. And I will say this. It's never too late. I mean, honestly, you're coming into that moment, that sweet season. My mother always tells me those women in their fifties, that sweet season of maturity of, you know, knowledge and experience. And like you said, confidence to really make those changes.

What would you say if you could drill down in a few words, what your calling is? Because see, you've done a lot of different things and a lot of people get what I do and what I'm, my calling, they, they, they, In my opinion, they get those things confused because a lot of times we equate with what we're doing is who we are.

What would you say, Jacquie, all these experiences that you have had in your life, what your call, your absolute God given call is?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: I think my biggest call is to build community.

Kim Gravel: Woo! See, she's got it, Zac! To bring women together. She's got it! I know, that's it! See?That's fantastic!

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: From DJing to like, yeah, to bringing women together through IT Cosmetics and seeing the power of that.

Like, it's all about community and bringing women together in a powerful way.

Kim Gravel: Oh, Jacquie! And to know that, to know that's what you're called to do so it doesn't matter what you're doing. As long as it aligns with building community, you can do anything you want to.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Yeah, from being a fitness instructor, even back then, and having women, you know what I mean?

Like, everything was all about community, and so I know that now.

Kim Gravel: And you can trace it back.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: And as long as I stay aligned in that truth, I can't fail.

Kim Gravel: Girl, that's what I'm trying to say.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: I can't fail. Yeah.

Kim Gravel: Cause I mean, there's so many things out there, so much great information, you know, how to, you know, have a career and how to be the, but if you don't know what you're called to do, that alignment is never quite there.

Right? We think it's happenstance, and we think that life happens to us, you know, we just accept what comes our way. You say, you gotta decide, and you gotta move in that. That's, see, Zac, that's what I'm talking about. This is the thing about Jacquie, I knew, I knew she gets it. And, and I know her, her heart and her soul is to help others get it.

And what I mean by get it, it's not some kind of learned knowledge, it's really just... To really focus on what you're called to do and what's, what's meant for you. Wouldn't you say that Jacquie?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Yeah, exactly. And, and taking the time to get still and really listen, you know, I think so many of us get busy chasing the kids around, you know, if you're married, you know, keeping your relationship on track, you know, making a full time job. Yeah. It's tough. It's work, you know, you want to have a good one. It's work. And, you know, just everything that it's hard to get still and really be honest with ourselves. About what we want and what makes us happy because I know I've spent a lot of time in my life Doing for others because I thought they were the ones that were going to make me happy So I wasn't living for me.

I was living for them because I thought I needed them for my happiness And it wasn't until I was like 46 that I really learned like oh I get i'm responsible for my own happiness And it's an inside thing And I'm glad I'm learning now.

Kim Gravel: Because it's never too late.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: It's never too late.

You get to decide that today's the day.

Kim Gravel: Today's the day. And it changed just like this on Instagram. You wrote, you wrote something that was very interesting. Instead of looking at the past, I put myself 10 years ahead. Okay. And I look at what I need to do now to get. There. I think that's great. Because I think what happens is we live in the future and we think this is what we want.

I mean, whether it's be lose weight, get married, have a career, you know, be a bear, whatever you're filling the blank is right. Jacquie. Right. Yeah, exactly. And we, we look at that and think, Oh, if only, but what you're saying is this is an active way to look at that. This is where I want to go. And then what do I need to do now in the present to get there?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Yeah. When you think about who is the person I want to be in 10 years, how does what I do today affect that? It also helps you to make decisions.

Kim Gravel: Well, and I think a lot of people don't understand, and I know for me, it's probably one of the hardest things because I'm a big vision person and I, I'm a, I'm a dreamer and all of that, but it's the practicality of these goals and these dreams that we have for ourselves that we get stumble.

I do personally, I, I stumble in those and that's where I start having, Oh my gosh, I got to do all that. You know, I start getting in my own head with it. And you're saying have that vision, have that goal. Come back to the now and start making decisions that will give you that outcome. And that's a practical way.

I think a lot of times, especially in this space of you can call it self help, self reflection, you know, all of this that people are so hungry for right now, Jacquie, we're missing the practical steps and how to apply it to our lives.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Yeah. And I think about it this way. Okay. I like to binge watch Netflix like anyone else.

But you know, I get caught on a show and I'm like, I get obsessed with things. I'm like, Oh, just one more, just one more. Yeah. But then when I think about is that is staying up an extra hour, staying up an extra half an hour, is that going to help me? Get up in the morning and make me more efficient for the next day and help me to achieve And be that person that I decided I want it to be Right because it's so easy to be distracted and scrolling, you know on tiktok or instagram.

Kim Gravel: Oh my gosh, i'm terrible.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Yes next thing, you know, like in a rabbit hole hours later. Yeah. Yeah I start oh, what's You know, because I follow a lot of self help people and I'm like, Oh, I never thought about that, you know, and I'll start Googling stuff, you know, I'll just talk about rabbit holes, right? Right. Me too. Looking at things from different perspectives, but I, you have to stop and think, and it's the discipline to stop.

How does this help me? down the road.

Kim Gravel: I think my next book is going to be about how to make decisions. You decide. I mean, success is a decision, you know, it's a decision and we talk about a lot of, you know, actions and visions and plans and dreams, but we don't talk about the practicality of making and deciding.

Look, we're tough. Women are tough. Don't you? We got, we do hard things.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: We really do. I mean, we give birth.

Kim Gravel: Yeah. Hello? And, and we make a lot of sacrifice. It's not that we don't do the work. It's not that we don't want to do the work or can do the work. We're tough cookies.

We're tough. You know, it's that we got to decide, like you said earlier, to, to, to really put ourselves first. You got to be a little bit selfish, just a little bit.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: You have to be a little bit selfish, but is it really selfish? It's not. Right? But that's what we're told. We're taught that it's selfish.

That's what We're taught that it is. Right. But, I don't see my husband, when he goes to the gym, he's not like, oh, I need to make dinner before I go. No. Like, he just goes. He's not worried about it.

Kim Gravel: He's like, yeah. I mean, my husband don't even tell me. I'll call, Travis! Travis! Crickets! I know. I mean, and I'm sitting there going, well, what We gotta do school supplies.

I mean, you know, it's just, that's just being a woman, but we have to decide. We have to decide. Mm hmm. You can change and you can decide to make a change, even through the fear and the doubt, and you've done it, you've done it.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Kim, you know, to talk about your book, I thought you did a really great job about explaining what imposter syndrome is.

And I can relate, I could relate to that so much because I still struggle with that. Because a lot of people don't know this, and I'm going to be really vulnerable. Grew up in a trailer park. Like a lot of people look at me and they think like, I'm the first one to even graduate high school, let alone go to college in my family.

So people look at me and they go, Oh, she's so successful. But what they don't realize is I had to break generational cycles.

Kim Gravel: Yes. Yes.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Yeah. To get to where I'm at. And I still have those moments of imposter syndrome. Like, well, what if someone finds out that I used to live on, grow up on welfare? Well, they think that I don't deserve this success.

You know what I mean? Like, what if someone finds out that about me? Because there were times in my life where people did judge me for that. They did in high school, middle school, you know, I'd had boyfriends, you know, think less of me because of once they found out how I grew up. And that's still that little girl inside of me still has to, You know, I still have to comfort her.

I still have to say that you are not like where you come from. Like that doesn't matter. I, that's why, that's what saved me. When you ask, like, where did that come from? Because that's what saved me as a little girl is thinking about 10 years from now, when I got out of there, how, you know, who was the person I wanted to be, and that's when I would just make decisions.

No one was there telling me to get good grades. No one was there telling me to go to college. You know, no one was telling me to do these things, but I said, who do I want to be? Because I had no role models to show me. So I had to reverse engineer how to become the person I wanted to be.

Kim Gravel: Yes. Yes. And I'm going to,

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: and that's, what's carried me through.

Kim Gravel: But I want to speak to this too, because I did not know this about you and I'm so glad you shared it because I think. At the heart of our imposter syndrome is our purpose is that secret sauce sweet spot. So it doesn't shock me that you're. Calling is to build community when you never had it, you always felt alone because of your circumstance. You never felt like you had a group of click people that you fit into in school. I mean, am I right to hear you say that?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Yeah, you know, I kept my circle of friends small. I mean, first of all, I left home at 15. So when I left home, if you can imagine.

Kim Gravel: I can't, but go ahead.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Like it was, you know, you don't want people to know that about you, you know, you don't want people to know you're living on your own or, you know, you have these, they were already making fun of where I, you know what I mean?

Like it was. Not good, right? So, so I kept my circle of friends very small.

Kim Gravel: Yeah. And that's why you love everybody. That's why you're so wanting to build this community of people, of all people. I get it. I totally get it.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Because you make your own family. And I know what it's like to not have a support group around you.

And you asked me earlier, like, what was it like to help your friend build her dreams? Yeah. Like, it felt like me. Loving on her even more. Like, how do you love someone more than helping them achieve everything that they want to achieve. That's like the ultimate love.

Kim Gravel: And it is, and it's the ultimate friendship. It's a sisterhood that's probably, you know, we could do a whole podcast on that. Yeah, I know, right? How did you teach yourself? And to find the success, and how did you shift your mindset at such a young age?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: It was, it was a survival mechanism for me. It became how I had, it's what I needed to survive.

I couldn't think of the now. I had to think of the future. Like I knew living in that situation was temporary and I still had the rest of my life, you know, I almost took my own life when I was 14 and something, you know,

Kim Gravel: God, the Lord, yeah, it's the only thing I can explain. Yeah, well, he had said something greater.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: The only thing I swear he said, don't do it. You know, I'm standing there with a knife thinking about like literally killing myself. And. You know, he's just like, do not do this. You have a bigger purpose. Yes. Yeah. You will survive this. So thinking ahead, the 10 years was my survival instincts.

Kim Gravel: To hear it from other people is one thing, but to hear it from the creator, from God almighty, to tell you, you are special.

You have something don't do this. I have something great for you because Jacquie, he has something great for every. Single human that's on this planet. Yes. I agree. I'm living proof. Yeah. We all, we all are, but I'm here today. Yeah. And, and, and if people could grasp that, if you can make that decision to go, you know what?

Jacquie's right. Kim is right. Zac is right. I do have make that decision first and then watch the thing and it's not gonna be easy because like, where did you go at 15 girl? Where did you go?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: I had my own place. And, you know, I lived in Montana at the time. So it was really easy to find, you know, I had a job.

I worked at this place, the Sykes diner. And you know, it was It's not easy, but you know, I did it. And to be honest, it didn't really feel that hard. Like I say, it wasn't easy looking back. It wasn't, but I just knew it's what I had to do it. Like this is, this is what I have to do to get to where I need to go.

So I made decisions that day. And a lot of people say, like, you know, you pray, when you pray to God and you ask for him to bring things in your life, he also expects you to take the steps to get there, right? So I knew in order to change my situation, I had to take some steps. Because who decides at 15 to leave?

You know, I remember my mom saying, well, if you don't like the way things are around here, you can leave. And I remember going, all right.

Kim Gravel: Okay. You made a decision.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Yeah. I made a decision at that moment. I decided, you know what? She's right. I am. She gave me, it's almost like she gave me permission to go and live my life.

And then there's a story that's totally God. And I'm going to share it with you right now. I haven't really shared it publicly. My close friends know about it, but so my mom had decided she wanted me to come back home and raise her kids. So she called and said, I ran away and I was just off, looking at some colleges with my friend, Alison.

And we get home from Missoula and, there's this cop car in her driveway. And this gentleman walks up to me, and he's like, Are you Jacqueline Finnan? I'm like, Yes. He's like, Well, you need to come with me. And I'm like, Excuse me? I was so confused. He's like, You're under arrest. You need to come with me. I get thrown in the back of a cop car, and taken to juvenile jail.

Because I'm a minor, I have no rights. He goes home that night. Because I'm upset. I'm worried. I have a test the next day. I'm worried about how I'm going to, you know, can I still go to school? Can I take my test? Can I study in jail? Like, can I get my books? Like all these things, right? And he goes home that night to his wife and goes, how would you feel about becoming a foster parent?

He goes, I know this is going to sound really strange, but I picked up this girl tonight. And the story just doesn't add up and I'm gonna get real emotional about it because it was like a real Pivotal point in my life and it was definitely god saying girl you took that step and I see you stumbling but i'm gonna i'm gonna carry you to this next level and it was like Like really like this, just this house of love and, and so I went to court, you know, and they released me, they said, we'll release you if you go and stay with this family.

Otherwise I was going to have to stay in juvenile jail until my court, my real court date. And so being the person I am, I'm like, okay, I have no idea what this family wants with me. But I knew I was tough because I grew up in a tough situation. So I knew like, well, I can, I can get myself out of a situation.

Yeah, I can handle myself. So I said, okay, you know, thinking I want to make sure this doesn't impact my future or school or whatever. So I left with them. They can pick me up from work. They, they released me. I went to work that day and then they picked me up from work. Because I didn't want to lose my job.

I was like, I need to go to school. I need to go to work. So they let me do that. And, Carol, his wife, picked me up from my shift and then I literally went home to their house. And I can honestly say that it was a huge learning experience, but they definitely helped me get closer to God, you know, bringing me to church and, you know, just with that relationship and, you know, they were so patient with me.

Because I was like an injured animal. I'm in this home. Yes. You know, wondering what do these people want with me? These strangers, right? I mean, yeah, I guess now I went through a traumatic experience. And I also saved their marriage at the same time. So, God was saving two families. Yes, He was. Because Carol had seen ken in a different light. And she had fallen back in love with him because of his heart and what he was, what he brought to her. She always wanted a daughter. They have two older sons, which their whole family treats me like I've always been part of their family. Which has been beautiful. So my son knows.

Ken and Carol as his grand, as you know, his grandparents, my, my, their sons as his uncles, their kids know me as aunt Jacquie, you know, like it's been this amazing experience. And so. When God has a plan for you.

Kim Gravel: He has one. He saved me so many times. But Jacquie, you got, like, what you are saying, you are totally, for lack of a better word, testifying or, or wit, being a witness right now for what I even wrote the book about with Collecting Confidence.

God is so concerned about every detail of your life that he and and we're going to just use your example here with 15 that he orchestrated all because you had to be arrested to get with the family to get the you. So what I'm saying is he uses all things together for the good. He uses every mistake, every heartache, and it's not easy and it's not easy.

It's not. It's not. But I will tell you and everybody listening to our voices right now. You've got to, if you can't trace his hand, you've got to trust, trust his heart. You've got to, you've got to know that you're here for a reason or you wouldn't be here.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: There's so much evidence of knowing that. And so I think that helps me too, when I'm making decisions, like if I'm following my heart and trusting my calling.

I'm going to be taken to where I need to be. Absolutely. You will. Because it's because my life has shifted from careers, from personal, from everything. Everything. It's not just me pushing into the direction that I'm going. So I can't take all the credit.

Kim Gravel: No, you're just, you're just following the breadcrumbs.

That's all you're doing. Oh, Jacquie, I love you. You got to come back, girl. Okay, when's your book coming out, Zac? Don't you think she needs a book?

Zac Miller: I just said, this is a Hallmark movie.

Kim Gravel: I'm like, Lord have mercy, Jacquie. I'm thinking, I know you need to write a book.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: And there's so much more, I know.

I started working on the book. But, there's a lot of healing that I still have to do. As you know, like, It's, it's, I get it. That little girl inside of me, she's still wounded. You know, and so, you know, I still I'm much kinder to her, you know, and there's a lot of forgiveness that I've done for my mom, you know, the way, you know, my childhood, I've forgiven a lot of that.

And so that was definitely a huge growth because I think that's the hardest thing is to forgive the people that have hurt us the most.

Kim Gravel: But it's, you've got to, you've got to, to make steps forward. I think you have to.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, so it's in the works.

Kim Gravel: Okay, in the works. Y'all heard it here first.

You heard it here first. When you come back on with the book, we gonna get, we gonna really get nitty gritty. Okay, we, we, we cannot let you go without doing Rapid Fire Questions.

So the first thing that just comes to your mind.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: I'm gonna give it my best.

Zac Miller: Come on. You got this, Jacquie.

You got this. You're like, you're QVC trained.

Kim Gravel: She's a live TV person. Okay, here we go. Your favorite fast food junk food?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Oh, my goodness. My favorite fast food junk food is Rita's.

Kim Gravel: Oh, the custards. Why are you bringing it up? Because I'm going to QVC this weekend. I'm going to get me one. It's so good though.

What's your favorite flavor? Favorite flavor?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Oh my goodness. I just had the cake batter. It's really good. They have these new custard flavors now. And they rotate them in. The strawberry was good, but I just had the custard. It was so

Kim Gravel: good. I'll be going there this weekend. Here we go. Do you have a secret talent?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: I don't know. My talents aren't secrets anymore.

Kim Gravel: Do you know what? I did this one time in an interview for a pageant and I said my secret talent was playing my nose. and I would go, I actually did that. Didn't win the pageant.

Zac Miller: You did that in a pageant?

Kim Gravel: Oh yeah.

Zac Miller: Did you win?

Kim Gravel: No I did not, maybe that's why.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: I made. I mean, I make really good martinis. I don't know if that's a secret talent because I think people know about that. That's been over to my house, but other people think,

Kim Gravel: Oh, I think that's fantastic. I was going to know. OK,

Zac Miller: can I actually wait? I have a secret talent. Can I just I realized I could do this.

And since Jacquie, you're a DJ, is this any good? Just hold on. I'm going to do it. And then check it out. Ready?

Kim Gravel: I'm going to answer for it. It's not good. It's not,

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: You've got to do it on the beat.

Zac Miller: Is that good?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: I don't know if it's on beat. I don't know what you're listening to.

Kim Gravel: Did you hear what she said? She said, you've got to do it on the beat. Bless it.

Zac Miller: I have no beat. That's it. You know, this is, that's it.

Kim Gravel: I love this.

You've DJed all over the world. What's your favorite song? That you've played.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Uh world hold on.

Kim Gravel: Oh, who's who's that?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Yeah, I don't know if it's it's called it goes world Hold on, you know, you never it's a house song. I don't know if you.

Kim Gravel: Oh, no No, i'm gonna have to go look that up write that down. Zac.

We'll look that up.

Oh, i'm gonna go I'm gonna go look it up as soon as we get out of here. If you could eat brunch with one historical figure, who would it be?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Oh my gosh, Cleopatra.

Kim Gravel: Ooh, invite me. I want to go too. Okay, totally. She is like... She is bad mamma jamma, absolutely.

If you could travel to any historical event anywhere back in time, what would it be?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Oh, I want to see dinosaurs.

Kim Gravel: Ooh, right?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Yes, I want to know. And were there people there? Like, I want to know. I want to go back and see the dinosaurs. I may not come back, but I don't know where I'd land, but...

Kim Gravel: Well, you know, time travel.

I don't know if I'd go back. I just, you come back and let us know how it was. That's what I'd say. Okay, if you were stranded on a desert island, and what was one thing you would take that you have to have?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: You is it like a beauty thing or is like a survival knife

Kim Gravel: Oh, that's a good one.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Like one of those knives that has like the screwdriver and the scissors and the nail file

Okay, yes, that's exactly yeah.

Kim Gravel: Who are your fashion icons? Like what's your favorite like big iconic fashion brands?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Madonna for sure. I love Jacqueline Onassis, like, from a classic perspective. Yes. You know, she's definitely been, I've been a fan of hers. I'd say those have been the two most influential in my life, and I know they're totally different.

Kim Gravel: So listen, you got it covered, girl. You got it covered. Do you remember the jelly bracelet?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: When I gotta go to the club

Kim Gravel: come on now. Do you remember the jelly bracelets she used to wear? I remember when, like a virgin, remember when she came on with like a virgin on the MTV music? And the gloves. And the gloves. And my mom was like, what in the world? Like a virgin

I said, mom, she's touched for the very first time. Okay, here we go. . Who is your celebrity crush?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Oh my goodness. Celebrity crush, you know, okay, this is going to sound really bad, but Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Kim Gravel: Why does that sound bad? I get it.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: When he was younger.

Kim Gravel: Okay, I get it. Okay. You like the beef cakey.I get it. No, I totally get that. Mine was, the Russian from Rocky four. I think it was.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Yes. You did say that. He's hot.

Kim Gravel: Do you see what I'm saying? Dolph Lundgren. So we have the same taste. Favorite book you've ever read?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Wow, Yours.

Kim Gravel: I love it. Thank you and good night. Just kidding.

Okay, you mentioned what, you mentioned Netflix and I've got to, what are you binging now? What's a good TV show? I need one. Oh my goodness.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: I just watched, well I love Ted Lasso, but it ended.

Kim Gravel: I know. I don't know. I've heard rumors that might be coming back.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Oh, that would be great. I don't know how they would bring it back, but that was like a thing.

My husband and I been when we watched together, I think it's a great date night show. So if you need something to bond with, with your spouse with, that's a great show.

Kim Gravel: It is a great show to do that with. Oh, I love it. I'm looking for a new show. Well, if they have ever, I hadn't seen Ted Okay. Last question.

This is a big one. And so it's, this is how you're going to go out. Could you beat box a little bit for us?

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: I can't beat box, but I can, maybe rap a little better.

Kim Gravel: Let's do it.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Well, my name is Jacquie and I'm here to say I'm with Kim Gravel ina big, big way. We're doing her show and we're changing lives to building confidence all the time.

Kim Gravel: Oh, my god. I don't know. I can't. Oh, my gosh, Jacquie. I love you so much. We have to get, but listen, text me, call me, do something. We need to get together. I love you. I love you. Well, Rita's. Okay. Yeah.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: It's so good though.

Kim Gravel: I love you. I wish you hadn't said that now. You're just like, thanks fit kitty culture.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: It's all about balance.

Kim Gravel: This is instead. It's like instead of Fit Kitty, it's fat cat.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: You know, fitness doesn't look a specific way, by the way.

Kim Gravel: Clearly. Clearly. I love you. Clearly. All right. Thanks Jacquie. All right. I love you, girl. Bye.

Zac Miller: Bye, Jacquie.

Jacqueline Finnan Hemmer: Thank you so much. I love you guys.

That was so fun. Bye.

Kim Gravel: Okay. I told you. Jacquie does not disappoint. Right, Zac?

Zac Miller: Jacquie's great. And, and so much of her message is the message and the project of this show, which is so just like, she's, she's in sync.

Kim Gravel: Well, and she, wow, I didn't even know some of the things that she spent through their life. And I just want to say to anybody else who's watching, if you've gone through anything in your life, it's all part of the, of the journey.

It's all part of. You learning and growing, like Jacquie said, she wouldn't have the resilience and the strength and the confidence to move forward. So, so keep that in mind. Remember that there's always a plan. There's always a purpose and you always have a call. And if you want to reach out to Jacquie and keep in touch with her, you can, you can hit her up on her website, which is JacquelineFinanHemmer. com or her Instagram is TheJacquieJack. I love that. Or check out fitkitty.com and reach out to her and stay connected and see what, what her brands are all about and who she is all about because she is truly, absolutely living in her calling. Till next time guys, remember make a decision to live the best life that's ahead of you.

Zac Miller: Oh, Kim, can you rap a little bit on this end, just like Jacquie did?

Kim Gravel: So when you're down and out, you've got to level up. You gotta always know that you are always enough. You gotta step into life. You gotta step into call. So everybody knows that you've got it all.

Zac Miller: Wow! How did you do that? Seriously, how did you do that?

Kim Gravel: Miracle. Miracle of God. Zac and Kim, we're gonna do it again. We're gonna light it up and help you to begin living in your life and leveling up. It's time for y'all y'all to get on with this stuff. Let's not, let's not tempt fate there. Let's not tempt fate. Bye y'all.

Fact! If you're looking to level up Okay. Tonight's the night. Today's the day. Wherever you're listening to this, this is your time to level up your life. We're going to start this over because I'm leveling, level, level, level, level up. Say, I level up a lot.

Zac Miller: The level of producing you get.

Do you really want to do it again, Kim? Or is this just the show?

Kim Gravel: We're doing it again. Are we just in the show? No, we're doing it again. Take 7.

Zac Miller: Alright, take 7. Take 65.

The Kim Gravel Show is produced and edited by Zac Miller at Uncommon Audio. Our associate producer is Kathleen Grant, the Brunette Exec. Production help from Emily Bredin and Sara Noto.

Our cover art is designed by Sanaz Huber at Memarian Creative and Mike Kligerman Edits the show and a special thanks to the team at QVC. Head over to kimgravelshow.com and sign up for our mailing list. Again, we can't do this without you, so thank you for listening, and we love you.