Embrace Change & Start Living By Design

*This transcript was auto-generated*

Kim:
Let me just tell you something about this, okay. And you can put this in episode. So I go down to every, you know. Cause our studios, Zac, are in our homes. Cause, like, I don't travel to Pennsylvania. I have like 6 hours of programming a week on QVC and live tv. Plus we tape the pod. Plus we have social media.

Kim:
So I've got like, cameras, iPads, you know, podcasts.

Zac:
You use more tech that you know what to do with. Like, you walk around your, like, basement. It's just like, oh, what's this pile of gear? And what's this closet full of?

Kim:
I mean, I've got gear right here. Like, it's like there's. We probably have 7270 2000 pair of ipods. Okay, true story. So when I go downstairs this morning. Cause I had a couple of hits on Am style and QVC live television, which is already set up. Honestly, I'm like. I'm just flipping a button.

Kim:
I've got it down to a science. I go down there this morning, the iPad is gone. Cause I do my Skype through with iPad.

Zac:
Okay.

Kim:
The earbuds are missing. I went. Butt nutters. They were gone. Beau had a basketball game. Blanton was asleep, and Travis was at the basketball game. The text, I said, let me just. Would you like for me to read the text?

Zac:
Yes, I would like for you to read the text, please. Yes.

Kim:
They're hostile and threatening. Okay, okay, okay. Hold on. Here it is. Here it is. What in the hell is going on with you three? Where is my iPad? And where is my airpods? I put earbuds. I am trying to do my hits at Am style on QVC, and there's nothing here. What am I supposed to do? Do it on my iPhone? Okay.

Kim:
Crickets. Nothing.

Zac:
Nothing.

Kim:
Mo goes. What are you talking about? Finally, like, 20 minutes later. I have tons of crap to do today, and I don't need your weak minded, whiny bull crap giving me excuses of where my stuff is. Hello.

Zac:
So.

Kim:
So Blanton wakes up. Mom, I've got your iPad. It's on that couch. And then your earbuds are with me, too. I'll bring them right down.

Zac:
Oh, my gosh.

Kim:
Was it charged? No. See, they stay on chargers. No, I cursed. I said, what in the hell?

Zac:
I feel like. Okay, sorry, guys.

Kim:
I didn't mean to date.

Zac:
Do you mean to know better? Like, does it, like, can we.

Kim:
They're idiots.

Zac:
It is funny. It's like the teenage girl. What I'm saying is that it would.

Kim:
Be different if they didn't have crap of their own. They had. I'm serious. I have probably bought. So I say all that to say. I bought an extra pair to put up here at Bell Manor, okay. Because I just. I can't keep up with my stuff because it's them.

Kim:
You know what Amy said to me the other day? She said, I don't know how you do it.

Zac:
You need, like, a stamp. Like, you need, like, you know how back in the day people had, like, a. No, but just bear with me.

Kim:
Did you just say stamp?

Zac:
Yeah. That they know if they touch your.

Kim:
They already know that. Zac. What is a stamp gonna do?

Zac:
They just gonna walk away with. I've just gonna.

Kim:
I need to absolutely. Like, it went on and on. I started threatening and threatening. I said. I said, whiny, weak minded bull crap. I don't know where that came from. What is that? I don't need to hear your whiny, weak minded bull crap.

Zac:
Oh, my gosh. And I'm sure Travis, don't do it. Just like I'm doing right now. What are we doing?

Kim:
Travis is like, please, God, don't make your mother mad. This is the thing. I say all that to say that people think I'm just so nice and stuff. I'm not. I'm not a nice person when it comes to crap like this. I'm not. Cause I just. I want to just.

Kim:
I want to take my hand and slap em across the face.

Zac:
What did you do? Did you get it in time? Did they?

Kim:
Yeah, but it had, like, 10%, like, the iPad. So I'm sitting here going, okay, come on, lord, don't let it die on me. I mean, it's just, like. Because it was just a hit. It was just, like, a seven minute hit.

Zac:
Yeah.

Kim:
But, like, can I just tell you, in going in, this is a perfect. This is a perfect thing to go into this next episode. So this episode that I'm talking about right now, but, like, the anxiety that I get when I walk down there, and it's like, it's gone.

Zac:
Yeah.

Kim:
The panic. Cause I don't. I don't get down there an hour early. Cause I'm at my house, and so I'm like, I'm gonna get down there about 20 minutes early, got my bra on, got my face on. Just gonna flip everything on, and I'm gonna go and do my job.

Zac:
Right? Yeah. And it's not.

Kim:
It's not there.

Zac:
Your studio is your studio. Like, you expect, like, if I walked into my studio and, like, any piece.

Kim:
Of this was gone, you would have a panic attack?

Zac:
I would lose my mind. Yeah.

Kim:
No, it would be like going out to your job. Like you're saying, okay, you're going out to your career, your job. Let's say you're a school teacher. Walk out and your car's gone. You can't get there.

Zac:
Or, you know, it's like. It's like those dreams where you're naked, right? Like, did you ever have those dreams where you're, like, walking down the high school hallway naked or whatever, trying to open your locker? Yeah, trying to open your locker and you're like, you know.

Kim:
But you know what? I looked so good in high school back then, and so, like, it would have given me a panic attack that. But now if I could look, my body look like it did in high school, I think I'd be okay with it.

Zac:
All right, calm down.

Kim:
I think I'd be okay with it. I don't care what you look like. I don't care where you come from. I don't care what you. What. I just like people who are interesting. And I think, like, what we're gonna talk about today on this episode is what some people think is a challenge or a problem or mistake or whatever, to me, makes people interesting. Okay, that sounds weird.

Kim:
Like, I. I like. I like the unique quirks. I like people who are themselves a thousand percent always have.

Zac:
This is the part of the episode where I have to make the disclaimer that I have no idea what you're about to talk about. Like, we. This is one of those times when we, like, hit record and you're just like, I got this, Zac, don't worry about it.

Kim:
There's so much change going on in my life, personally, a business. It looks like it could just all go tomorrow. If you are going through a change and you're feeling anxiety or that undoneness, that's a good place to be, and a satisfied life is one that is not growing.

Zac:
What do you say to that person who might say, like, yeah, it's easier for you to say, kim, what are.

Kim:
You doing with your life? Are you living a life by design? The true number one action you should take from first, when you are dealing with any change, any big life thing, to be successful, to handle any problem in your life is. So I emailed you and I said, I just want to talk about, like, the change of seasons. Cause, you know, we're heading into fall.

Zac:
That's true. You did tell me that. That's literally all you told me, though.

Kim:
Yeah. So we're heading into fall, and there's so much change going on in my life personally. I'll give you a little sneak peek into it. Like, business wise, we're expanding. We're going into more categories. We have home now. We have beauty. We have apparel.

Kim:
Some of my, you know, business relationship is changing. I mean, it's a little scary because, you know, when you. When you have big business and you have to deliver and perform and, you know, operate at a really high level, high octane all the time, when you start changing the people that you work with, it's scary. It's a lot of change. And I just. I mean, politically, we're in a moment of change. I mean, people are, you know, it's so polarizing. You know, people are so far right, so far left, and, you know, there's a lot of change going on in our world, internationally.

Kim:
There's a lot of change going on. For me, personally, with a senior, he's getting ready to go and move out and be on his own. And that's wild. You know, I've met so many, so many of you who are going through, you know, health challenges and health issues, and things change. Happen on a dime, Zac happens. Like, you're like, just last week we were doing this. What's going on? Like, and I want to talk about today, how do you handle change? If you ask most people, Zac, they're not going to say it's good, even if it is. Meaning even if you are buying a new house, which is a good change.

Kim:
Right? That's exciting. That sounds fun. But there's a lot of anxiety.

Zac:
You hope it's a good change. You know what I'm saying? Termites. And then you're like, oh, great.

Kim:
Like, I mean, there's anxiety that is associated with change, whether it's good, bad, or indifferent. Even if you're getting married, that's a change. But I've never met a bride in a groom that wasn't stressed to the max and everybody involved. Or maybe it is. You've been diagnosed with something. That's a change. What I'm here to tell you is I'm gonna talk to you today about how to. How to take.

Kim:
How anxiety is combated when you're going through a change by having a vision and direction and a perspective about it. Okay.

Zac:
Yeah.

Kim:
Because going through hard times or going through. I don't want to say hard times. Going through change is beneficial. You know, it makes you tougher. It can make you stronger, it make you more successful. And nine times out of ten, you end up with a better appreciation of life and you feel like there are new possibilities for yourself. But there is a little bit of something with change, what I call being undone. You're a little undone.

Kim:
That's what I think causes the anxiety when change comes on you. There's a lot of you watching this right now, and you're a little undone. And what I mean by undone is you're. You're not finished. There's not, there's not. It's unsettled. It's undone. It's not.

Kim:
It's not done well, because the change.

Zac:
So is it because the change keeps going? Because the change is like. I think for, like, change always takes longer than I want it to.

Kim:
Yeah. I've never known a person with a really easy life that has really strong character.

Zac:
Oh.

Kim:
So, you know, there's this scripture in the Bible that I love. It says, he's taking us from glory to glory to glory. And that is, you know, when you're talking about going from glory to glory to glory, what happens in between going from this glory to this glory? It's not. It's a lot of change.

Zac:
Yeah.

Kim:
It's a lot of undoneness. It's a lot of. We as humans want it to be settled. We want it to put a dot on it. And when you start looking at change as, there's never been a time in my life, good or bad, where that we're out of the change that's happened in my life, divorce, like, you know, getting sick, getting a new opportunity in business, you think, oh, my God, I'm so excited. And then you realize, oh, my gosh, I could lose it all. I mean, I've just had a situation where I'm going through a change in my business where it looks like it could just all go away tomorrow.

Zac:
Whoa, wait, you're going through that right now?

Kim:
Yeah.

Zac:
Whoa. What? Can you talk about it, Kim? What's going on?

Kim:
Well, it's just some of the people I'm working with could possibly go away or I have to make a move or a change in that. And I honestly took a day and thought, oh, my God. I had a panic attack. I had anxiety. I started going, oh, my gosh. What? How am I going to manage this? And I thought to myself, I'm like, but every time I've gone through something like this, I've come out on the other side. Bigger, better, stronger, tougher, and more prosperous.

Zac:
Yeah.

Kim:
And that's what I want to talk about today. If you are going through a change and you're feeling anxiety or that undoneness, that's a good place to be.

Zac:
Okay. I love when you flip this on its head. Right? Like, I think this is. This is the way I see, you know, this is like the Kim way of thinking, which is, like, the hard part is the good part. And that's. And I think that. Would you agree with me on that? Like, is that sort of the way you think about a lot of these challenges?

Kim:
It is, and I'll tell you why. Because I think we really look at life, or we take life as it comes to us in three different ways. The first one is default. So when change happens or when. When we are in a growth period. Cause if you are changing, you are should be growing. You're gonna grow. Trust me.

Kim:
Okay. When you go through any difficult times or even any of the blessing times, you know, mo money, mo problems. Who said that? Was that tupac or biggie smalls?

Zac:
I think it was biggie, but let me look at it.

Kim:
Biggie small, mo money, mo problems. And so anytime you have more success, those are also hard times and change. And so a lot of times in life, especially when you're younger, I'm watching.

Zac:
It was Biggie.

Kim:
Biggie smalls, may you rest in peace. But very profound word. Because just because change comes in the form of success is hard. But with my children, I have teenagers. And a lot of times I'm teaching them, because they just take life from a default stance, meaning life. They're just reactive. As life is hitting them, they're reacting. Okay? So as change is coming to beau, as change is coming to Blanton, and even all the young people that I mentor, they feel like they just got to take what happens and react to it.

Kim:
That's a very immature way to look at life, in my opinion. Or a very young way. Let's not say mature. A very unexperienced way to look at life is default. You know? Cause I always say this. Said this in my book. Life is not how you take it, is how you make it. So life is not on default.

Kim:
And the older you get, the more you realize that. And the younger you can realize that, the more sped up your success is. And then there's the deliberation of life. Meaning you're going to be deliberate to manage the change that comes to you. So the default is change happens, things happen, and you react. And then a little bit. That's next level up is the deliberation period where you're going. Okay, you can kind of plan it.

Kim:
Okay. Like, you can see it coming.

Zac:
You must live in that stage for way too long. That's like.

Kim:
What do you mean by that? I like that. Okay, so you relate to that stage of life.

Zac:
I relate to that stage a lot. I relate to that stage a lot. And I feel like for me, it is. I spend way too much time thinking things over before I take action. And my guess is, and again, I don't know where this is going, but, you know, the deliberation leads to action. But I feel like I get stuck. Deliberate. I get stuck doing the research.

Zac:
I get stuck deliberating. I get stuck. Oh, what if I did it this way? Or what if I did that? Or do I really want to be doing this? And does this choice make sense? And it's like, I think I make decisions decent pretty well. But, man, it can be hard for some people. It can be really hard.

Kim:
But I think you're right in that deliberate place of life that we're living. Cause change is inevitable. It's happening every day. Our whole. Our body is changing. Like, everything's changing every single day. We're aging. You know, I'm in this age of possibility with QVC.

Kim:
I'm over 50 and, like, and fabulous. And for fabulous. But, you know, you're definitely at a different place. And you look at life a little different, especially when change happens to you, because it's inevitable at every stage of life. But that deliberate place to live is a good place to be. Right? It's. It's. It's a more mature place to be.

Kim:
And like you said, you're thinking and you're planning, and that's a good place to be. But the most optimum place to live from is by design. Okay? And what that is is having a. Why a mission statement, a reason for being behind truly everything that happens to you. Let me give you an example. So when I had this thing dumped on me this past week, that was really scary. And I've worked really hard to build a business that's really, really big and really impactful. Okay? I'm doing air quotes here for those who can't see if you're not one.

Kim:
When that seemed threatened, okay, where there was just some decisions that have to be made or was going to be made that would threaten that.

Zac:
Yeah.

Kim:
That part of my business, I went through default where I was like, well, I'm just gonna, you know, I went through the reactive place, and then it took a couple of days, and I went through the deliberation of, okay, well, if this happens, I could do this, this and this. Or I could do. Okay.

Zac:
Yep.

Kim:
But now, after five days of sitting with the change or possible change, I'm thinking about it from a design, a life by design standpoint, which means this could be God's provision for something that's coming. That's something that's coming, that's bigger. And I never thought about it like that in that short of a period of time. A lot of times I. I sit in one of those places. Like you said, zack, you sit in that deliberation period a little bit too long.

Zac:
Yeah.

Kim:
But when you get to the place of design, you're really starting to become a person of legacy. Because to become a person of legacy, you have to have a theory of life that allows you to show up in the world in a way that is on purpose. And I know that's a lot to take in, and I don't even know what I just said. Cause that sounds really deep.

Zac:
Well, that is a lot. Can I. Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead.

Kim:
No, you go ahead. Interrupt me. Cause I could just talk about this forever.

Zac:
No, I'm gonna interrupt because, you know, for me. Okay. You use the word legacy, right? And I feel like legacy is the kind of thing. Thing. That's such a big word, and it's a word that I feel like is reserved for, like, heads of state and big CEO's and big position. Here is the legacy I am leaving, and here is my statue in front of the medical college that I founded for my legacy. And I feel like you.

Kim:
Which is great.

Zac:
Yeah, which is great. But I feel like. I have a feeling you don't mean it like that. I don't think you mean it as that, because I think a lot of the folks in our audience, from hearing from people and getting to know our audience so well, I feel like a lot of folks don't feel like they.

Kim:
Don'T even know that they have a legacy.

Zac:
But you do feel like they're the kind of person that would have a legacy. That is not a word they would put inside the Venn diagram. That is their life.

Kim:
I know, but the fact that you feel like something's missing in your life, okay, tells me that you. You do think you have a legacy. Like, if you. If you. Or else, why would you feel that way? You'd be satisfied.

Zac:
Right?

Kim:
And that's the beautiful thing about change. Is it really? Like, I will say to you, there's been so many times in my life, y'all, that if God did not abruptly change I mean, haven't you had relationships that just go away? You're like, what? We've been friends for 20 years, and you're just. They act a fool or y'all fight or whatever, and it's just over. And you're like, what? Sometimes that's a closed door that God has to really bring into your life, a change that has to really come at you in your life to make you shift. Otherwise you wouldn't. You would stay satisfied. And a satisfied life is one that is not growing. You know, research has found that up to 70% of people who experience, like, positive psychological growth come from difficult times in life changes.

Zac:
Yeah. Yeah.

Kim:
And so a lot of you are sitting here watching this, going that you're either going through a change because I always say this, you, my daddy says this, you either heading into a storm, in a storm, or coming out of storm. We can. We can replace that storm word with change. You're either heading into change, you're in it right now, or you're coming out of change because it's inevitable. But change puts you in a place of undoneness. And being undone just means it. You're not finished. You're not done.

Zac:
Okay, Kim, how much of this is just about then being comfortable with change? Like, just like getting yourself into a place where you're like, okay, this is changing. I'm just going to ride the wave because I know, you know, God has something for me whenever that is going to show itself.

Kim:
The beautiful thing about change is it's always happening. It's how we are either reacting to it or if we're deliberate about embracing it or if we use it for the design. Okay. I want everyone like. Cause I'm so now where I have gone through in five days, oh, my gosh. Freaked out, scared, anxiety, reacting to how I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna go look for somebody else to deliberation is, let me just think about this and make sure I'm making the right. You know, this aligns with my values, and I'm planning on how I'm gonna do it to being like, hold up, hold up, hold up.

Kim:
Wait a minute. This is happening on purpose for a reason.

Zac:
Yeah.

Kim:
I'm not seeing this in a big picture way. This is expansion, not shrinkage. This is expansion for me.

Zac:
Yeah, yeah.

Kim:
And sometimes where you're going, people cannot go with you. Sometimes where your next level is, you need a new group of friends. Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes even. Because a lot of times change, you feel like it's pulling you back. Sometimes, okay, this might be a health thing you're going through. This might be a slow down so that you could write the book. Spend more time with the grandkid, spend more time on yourself, preparing for what's coming.

Kim:
I'm telling you, change and the undoneness is by design.

Zac:
Okay?

Kim:
And so what I want you to do with this information, you're like, Kim, you've talked a lot about this. I don't even hardly understand anything you've said. Me neither. But what I know is this week it looked like a big change was coming and I freaked out and it was scared. What did that look like?

Zac:
But what did that look like? Were you.

Kim:
Oh, my God. I had a lot of anxiety.

Zac:
Did you shut down?

Kim:
Yes.

Zac:
Did you stress eat? Did you, like, paint us the picture?

Kim:
You know me, you know, I stress to eat.

Zac:
Well, that's why, you know. So were you, like, you know, not taking people's call? Like, what happened?

Kim:
Yes, I shut down completely. I had complete anxiety. Complete anxiety. And I'm telling you why we get the anxiety that we have when it comes to change is because we don't. It's lack of vision. Think about it. Why do you get anxiety? But by the way, it's an epidemic, especially with young people. I always tell anxiety equals aimlessness.

Kim:
This is. I'm not a counselor. I'm just telling you what I've experienced and what I've seen. The kids I've mentored in my own children, when they are aimless, they have anxiety.

Zac:
Yeah.

Kim:
To me, aimlessness and anxiety are equal. When you had this one, you got this one. When you got this one, you got this one. A person that has a vision for their life or designed for their life nine times out of ten does not deal with anxiety on a constant, habitual basis.

Zac:
What if you're aiming at the wrong thing? So I know so many people are trying. Good question. They think that they're going in the right direction and they're, you know, it's a false direction. It's not really what, you know, what's going on.

Kim:
Yeah, but it's a direction like. Okay, let me give you an example. Let me say, get in. Like you have a flat tire on your car. Like, what happens in your mind when you have a flat tire? Does the anxiety kick in?

Zac:
About right then, yeah, it's like a freak out. It's like a, you know. Yeah, I have a big meeting, so.

Kim:
What are you doing at that point?

Zac:
Yeah, I'm not on the deal, whatever it is. Yeah.

Kim:
So you're reacting.

Zac:
You're reacting and you start to spiral right in your head. And that's me, at least. Yeah. You're like, okay, I'm gonna call triple a. Like, pull out the triple a card call. You're planning whatever, right? You're playing, right? Or you're like, okay, I'm gonna, you know, pull out the spare or whatever. It's the spare in there, you know, whatever. And then, you know, then you start, then you get to work.

Zac:
Yeah.

Kim:
If you think of that change, that challenge, that undoneness at that time from a mindset of design, you go, hmm. There's a reason this happened. There's a reason this happened, right. How am I going to handle this in a way that is going to benefit me heading to this meeting? Like, for me, I would go through those things and I would think, let me. Let me call these people and say, hey, I just got a flat on the side of the road. Obviously, it wasn't meant for me to be there on time. When you handle your life by design, yeah. You show up in the world in a real way, in a unique way, in the way you should.

Kim:
When you are going through life and you're either copying what other people are doing, or you're reacting to change, or even you're trying to plan your life out, which you should plan, work your plan. But when you try to, when you look at your life from a 30,000 foot viewpoint, by design, you really can show up in the world in a very clear, directed way. And I think at the end of the day, that's what we all want. And that's what I had to do this week. I had to really get back and go, okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm trying to save what I've got, but the design of my life and the legacy of my life is not just to sell more stuff.

Zac:
Right.

Kim:
It's really to encourage and edify people.

Zac:
We are so much more afraid of losing what we have than we are about gaining something else.

Kim:
Correct and change. Nine times out of ten, if you talk to everybody that has gone through change, like you've said, I know the statistic is 70%. People say that they're stronger, they're more intelligent, they're better off going through it. It's how you go through it. Do you go through it reacting? Do you go through it planning? Or do you go through it with a vision?

Zac:
You know, you know me, Kim. Like, I'm always good, even if I don't really even know what's happening. I'm going to try to prep and do something. So, like, I found this. I found this one quote from a psychology expert talking about, like, going through change, right? Yeah. And she said, we can shut down emotionally and let ourselves become hardened by it, or we can grow from the experience. Like, those are the two options. You can get harder or you can get softer.

Zac:
Malleable, growing.

Kim:
You know, what is the legacy we want to leave? What are you designed to be? Stop looking at outside things to make your purpose and your life mean something. That that's not really how you show up in the world. That's why I want to say when we start taking personal responsibility for our own lives, and it's so hard to do, it's so hard to look in the mirror and say, this is it. This is what I got.

Zac:
This is what I got.

Kim:
I'm 50. I'm 53. I'm here, baby. This is what I'm doing, and this is what I've got. And this is what I've got left. You know, statistically, this is how much I've got left. And that's what I did this week. I'm like.

Kim:
So I'm stressing out about the stuff that I'm making instead of the message that I'm speaking. And so if the stuff that I'm making has to change so that I can get the message out more, that is my legacy.

Zac:
So be it. Yeah.

Kim:
And the message is this. Quite simply, I've said a lot to say this simple is that you are designed, knitted in your mother's womb, fearfully and wonderfully made for something impactful. Zac, I gotta tell you this story. You know, I was at fashion week this week. Yeah, honey country come to town, New York fashion Week.

Zac:
New York fashion week.

Kim:
And this woman came up to me and said, your podcast, where you just said, decide. She said, changed her whole life. She had changed her whole life. And so what I'm simply saying is, whatever you are going through, and, Zac, we all are going through it, everybody going through it, something's changing in your life right now. But I want you to look at what's going, what's how your life is changing right now. I don't care if it's financial, physical, political, relational, business, divorce, marriage, sickness. I don't care what kind of change you're going through. I want you to look at it through the eyes of the design and through the eyes of the designer who designed you for a specific, wonderful, impactful thing.

Kim:
What is your legacy, and how is this change coming in your life? Moving you more towards the legacy that you're going to leave and how you show up in the world. This is deep.

Zac:
This is deep.

Kim:
It's deep.

Zac:
I'm going to just, like, play devil's advocate here for a second.

Kim:
Sure.

Zac:
Because I feel like you have been a very successful person. Obviously, you have your brand. You're so successful.

Kim:
And I've also been a not successful person.

Zac:
Yes, that is true. You've had your heart. You can do your ups and downs.

Kim:
Overnight success took me 40 years.

Zac:
Yeah. Read collecting confidence if you want to.

Kim:
Hear some of that.

Zac:
But for someone who hasn't found success in their life, who, it feels like the lesson they have learned is they.

Kim:
Feel like they're not successful and.

Zac:
Yeah, but they've been, you know, they've been beaten down, they've been, you know, over and over again. They try to do something and it doesn't work out. Nothing has worked out for them, feels like nothing has worked out for them, and they're in a very hard place and they're facing something. What do you say to that person who might say, like, yeah, it's easier for you to say Kim, but for me, for someone like me, the design, I'm on the other side of that. It's like, it's negative. What are you doing?

Kim:
No, you're not on the other side. You're in the default side. You're in the reactive side. If you're thinking like that, you're at the low low. You're at the start place. Yeah. You're at the very beginning. Look, hardship is direction.

Kim:
Change is direction. Mistakes are direction.

Zac:
Yeah.

Kim:
We think they pull us back. They do not. They propel us forward. When you are exercising a muscle, you have to fatigue it and wear it out and cause it damage.

Zac:
Yeah. You have to break.

Kim:
That's chemical, that's physical. That's scientific. Yeah, same thing I told you. Being undone. Being undone is literal and fig and figuratively, it's both. I mean, you can be undone literally. You can be not finished. You're always not finished.

Kim:
So when I tell you that, you know, you can stay in a perpetual state of reactivity to your life, which is you're taking it. Whatever comes to you, you're just taking.

Zac:
Right. You're taking it and you're just reacting and you're not taking it any further than that.

Kim:
You're not planning. You're not even to the next place where you're just planning. And then you get stuck in planning. People get stuck in the planning period of their life.

Zac:
Well, that's what I'm saying. That's where, like, I mean, you can.

Kim:
Plan yourself to death because your plans ain't never gonna work out. I remember having this argument with somebody. Ooh, I know who it is. It's somebody famous, too. But I ain't gonna tell who it is. You have to go back and look at the Steve Harvey. And she was sitting there. She was just, I don't believe in planning.

Kim:
I don't blame. I'm like, oh, girl, you got the plan. She was, well, plans never work out. I'm like, I know, but you got to be flexible, okay?

Zac:
You got a plan, makes a plan. But if the plan doesn't work out, maybe it won't work out.

Kim:
Whatever you plan will never work out. I will guarantee probably 99.9% of the time what you plan in your mind will never work out of.

Zac:
Wait, that's like a. That's like, wait.

Kim:
Yeah, it will never work out. Tell me one plan you've made that has worked out perfect, and you're landed right where you're supposed to be.

Zac:
I mean, based on your plan, we rescheduled the taping of this podcast three times.

Kim:
You can plan all day long.

Zac:
Yeah.

Kim:
Planning is good. I'm not saying planning is not bad. Planning is good, but design is different.

Zac:
Okay?

Kim:
Design is the vision. We start with the reactive. We need to start with the design, the design of what's going on in your life, and then you plan, and then after the plan, then you react. The true number one action you should take first. When you are dealing with any change, any big life thing, to be successful, to handle any problem in your life is. Does it? What is the design of this? What is the design of this? Causing my life, impacting my life, changing my life.

Zac:
Okay.

Kim:
It's why.

Zac:
Yeah. Yeah.

Kim:
And so when you start everything with the design of, as a person who designs clothes, I have to start with the vision of what I'm trying to bring to life. If I start with, I'm gonna do some pants that have a sequin on the, uh, uh. I start with, I want to do a pant that. That is boot cut that she can wear. And I start with the. With the design of it.

Zac:
All right. You start with a vision and probably how the person wearing it feels. You start with. You start with.

Kim:
Yes.

Zac:
Yeah.

Kim:
You start with, we don't do that. We don't even teach our young people to do that.

Zac:
I'm going to take this to a whole other level, Kim. I feel like this is an entire sort of commentary on where we're at, like, as a culture right now. Like, yeah. As a nation, so much of what we do and what we think about and what we strive for is external validation of social media likes and who is telling who about this and that. And, like, you know, everyone's trying to, like, have their own hustle in some way, and it just feels so hollow to me, like, as someone who.

Kim:
Because people are not looking at their life. Yeah. We're looking at outside of y'all. You're put here for a reason. You only get one life. Like, because I believe I'm gonna go to heaven and stand before God, and he's. I'm not responsible for everybody else and how they live their life. He's gonna ask me about mine.

Zac:
Yeah.

Kim:
Even my own children. I mean, to a point, I have to shepherd them, but when they're gonna be. They're gonna be responsible and be held account for their own actions. I'm not gonna be held account of for Beau's actions. He's gonna be held account for Blanton's actions, not. Not me. So what are you doing with your life? Are you living a life by design? Are you living a life to leave a legacy that others will say, this is legacy that Zac, he did exactly what he came here to do. You want to encourage and inspire people, live the life you were created to live.

Kim:
I've got a nephew that's going through a hard time. You know, he's trying to find himself. You know, you get that way in your twenties, you figure out. You're trying to figure out who you are, what you know.

Zac:
Yeah.

Kim:
And I'm looking at it. I'm thinking, oh, my God, a kid is so talented. He's so great. I mean, he could have the world at his fingertips. Instantaneous, I mean. But I'm looking at his life from a design point of view. He's looking at the changes that are coming to him as challenges and really, you know, failure. And it's not.

Zac:
It doesn't feel. It doesn't feel good to him. Like, so, yeah, that's. That, to me, is, like, it's not gonna feel good, but that's okay, but. Right. And that's part of it.

Kim:
If it doesn't feel good, you're in. You're going. You're heading in the right direction. Remember, change is direction. Anxiety is direction. Failure is direction. Success, nine times out of ten, does not put you in the right direction. That means you're there.

Kim:
You're reaping the benefits. Of all the things that have come before.

Zac:
So if you could. So if you could. For your nephew. You said nephew, right? Get him to believe one thing. If you could speak into him and know that he, like, internalizes this, what would that be like? What would you say to him right now?

Kim:
I would say what I'm saying to everybody right now. You got to trust me on this. And you're going to have to look at what you're going through right now as a blessing and direction. And what is the. Learn from this. And what is this change trying to show you? Cause I promise you, whatever you're going through is not to move you backwards on the scale of success, is to propel you forward. And that. And how quickly you get to the next level is up to you.

Zac:
Right.

Kim:
If you're saying, Kim, I'm going through such hard changes right now, I'm so undone. I don't. I don't have direction. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know what to do in this next step of my life. I want you to look at it from a place of, what is this designed to teach me? And how is this directing the next step of my life? We don't want you to wait.

Zac:
I want to say it again. What is this designed to teach me?

Kim:
Teach me.

Zac:
What is this? Because if you. Once you learn the lesson, then you're through it.

Kim:
Then you get your direction.

Zac:
Then you get your direction. Oh, that's so. I love that so much, Kim.

Kim:
So there is something in this change that's going on in your life that is trying to teach you something and direct you to the next place. My little hiccup that I had in my business is not to cause me problems and anxiety. Oh, my gosh. How I'm gonna fix this. This da da da. It's taking me to another direction.

Zac:
Yeah, it is.

Kim:
And I've never had, ever. And you have an ether, if you think about it, in your life, have had a change that you have embraced and learned from, that you did not come out on the other side better because of it.

Zac:
Better, stronger. Yeah.

Kim:
So I'm speaking to somebody who's going through right now.

Zac:
Oh, that's huge, Kim.

Kim:
Yeah.

Zac:
I learned these episodes where, I don't know, like, this is great. Like, this is, like, I just love this song.

Kim:
Look, I say a lot to say just one little thing. Change is here, and it's for your own good. And what is it trying to teach you? Get on, get about it. And, hey, hit us up. Let us know what you're going through. We want to hear it. I'm telling you, Zac, when that, when that young lady came up to me and said, kim, when it just hit me, like, oh, my God, I just need to decide and do it, we've had, like, yeah, crazy.

Zac:
Yeah. I mean, crazy. And that's what, you know, that lesson. And I think this lesson, this lesson is at that level, too.

Kim:
It is of simple, but hard.

Zac:
Simple. Yeah. Yeah. Really hard to do. Takes a lot of. Takes a lot of looking inward. Right. You know, when you say deliberation.

Zac:
And the thing that sticks to me, too, is like, it's hard to look at yourself from the outside. It's hard to see.

Kim:
Well, see, you and I are going through something right now with a new little business we're doing. I love it. Cause you and I, like, I can just tell how. Where we are in the decision making process. Because you wanna talk it through and be like, well, you said. I was like, oh, we gotta do this. Do it.

Zac:
Yeah. Yeah. You were just like, let's do it. You were like, let's just do it.

Kim:
And you're like, well, Kim, I wanna talk about it. I'm like, we ain't gotta talk about it. I'm just telling you, go right there and figure out, let's just sign a contract and do it. Let's do it. Like, see, to me, that's what I'm talking about. Like, and I love it. Cause QVC has over 50. Like, all of us women who are, like, in this club at QVC with overfit, we're all there.

Kim:
Do it. Go right.

Zac:
You're just like, I'm over it, though. Pretty.

Kim:
We've learned. We've learned that change in evolution and all that is painful, but it's prosperous. I love y'all. Hit us up. Let us know. Tell us what you're going through and show. And then how you're going to look at it differently and watch it change. That's all.

Kim:
What? And watch it change, I say, I mean, bye. That's it. That's the whole show. Watch it change. Bye. You have to have direction, or you're going to have, like, what's it called? Deliberate.

Zac:
What is it?

Kim:
Debilitating.

Zac:
Debilitating? Deliberating?

Kim:
Debilitating.

Zac:
Debilitation. How about that? Did you have a lot of guys, like, chasing you in high school? Oh, yeah.

Kim:
Can't you look at me and just tell they were all over me?

Zac:
No, I mean, but you.

Kim:
No, I had very specific boyfriends. I can't talk about them, but I didn't have a type. 

Kim:

The Kim Gravel Show is produced and edited by Zac Miller at Uncommon audio. Our associate producer is Kathleen Grant from the Brunette Exec. Production help from Emily Bredin and Sara Noto. Our cover art is designed by Sanaz Huber at Memarian Creative. Our show is edited by Mike Kligerman. Our guest intros are performed by Roxy Reese. Our guest booking is done by Central Talent booking, and I want to give a special thank you to the entire team at QVC, and thanks to you for making this community so strong. Listen, tell somebody about the show and leave us a five star review. And make sure you're following the Kim Gravel show on your podcast app so we can keep growing this love who you are message together. I can't do this without you.