Raising Adults, Not Kids with Dr. Zabina Bhasin

*This transcript was auto-generated*

Kim Gravel: Coming up on the Kim Gravel show. I mean, honestly, one time I took Bo's phone and I thought he was going to drop down to a fetal position and have, you know, withdrawals. So, I mean, it is truly addictive. I've experienced it with my own kids.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: You're probably right. These are things that are real. Pick up your children's phone and see what they're doing.

That's the way you're going to communicate.

Kim Gravel: That is, you're right.

Opening Introduction: Let's just go on and spill the tea. This is The Kim Gravel Show. This is one of the realest persons I've ever met in my darn life. You gotta watch this. My mission is to encourage every single woman, we're here to lift y'all up. There's no one more effective than moms. You mess with the bull. You going to get the horns. I need coffee. I need Jesus and I need therapy. If you can bring a smile to people's faces, why would you not? We love our kids. We love our husbands. What a blessing. We're gonna dedicate this to you in finding your superpower. Okay girl. True confidence is knowing who you are and why you're here.

Kim Gravel: Hey y'all and welcome to the Kim Gravel show. I'm Kim Gravel and we are every single episode our main goal is to help you level up your life just with stories, with guests, with, with all of the little nuggets that have helped me and you too, Zac, how we've just leveled up our lives. And today we have, we have, we have a child psychiatrist on today.

My Lord, I cannot wait to ask her questions. Dr. Zabina Bhasin is on, we call her Dr. Zee, okay, because she's a child development expert. She's a mother of two. Wait till you hear of all, about all the things she has got going on, how she is truly leveling up kids lives all across the country, really all across the world.

We'll be right back with Dr. Zee.

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We've got somebody very, very special. I met this beautiful human being, at a women in retail conference. It is, she, instant connection, her passion, her, her, oh, she's a child psychiatrist. She's a child development expert. She's a mother. So listen, that's where she's getting all her experience as well. She was on the Forbes next 1000 list for upstart entrepreneurs.

She's redefining like the American dream. And I love that because the America has changed and our American dream has changed as well. In some ways, she is the CEO of end kids. And they sell kid focused products that help children learn about other cultures and help grow. Their mind and their experience.

Cause my daddy always used to tell me this. He always used to say, when you travel the world, you really expand your mind. So everybody, please welcome my dear friend. Not only is she beautiful, but she's brilliant. Dr. Zabina Bhasin. We call her Dr. Zee for short. What's up Dr. Zee? Don't you love it?

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: That was great. I need that just so you know.

Kim Gravel: You need that, yeah, on everything you do. Every media thing you do, you have to have that. So play it one more time, Zac.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: Got a groove to that one.

Zac Miller: I like that one a lot.

Kim Gravel: Let me tell you something, that got soul. That's got soul. Alright, Dr. Zee, how have you been, girl?

I have missed talking to you. We connected not too long ago and it was instant friendship.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: It was, and you were so kind and so generous. I saw, so Kim, I saw you speak. And I think that was what inspired me to come up to you because you were so, you know, there's always a fear, like, you know, you're going to go up to someone.

They have a name and their personality. What are they going to look at you? And we just started talking and we kept going and there was like six people waiting to talk to her. Just kept going. And then she was like, yeah, one second. I'll be with you. We just kept talking and you were just. You just really, we have so much to do.

Kim Gravel: We're so similar a different way. Exactly. We're so similar in, in, in, in the fact, I mean, we do different things, but we're so similar in our goals and our messaging and you being a child psychiatrist, we need you. We, I definitely need you. But I mean, I'm just saying like, that's just one of the many amazing, interesting things about you and your story.

It all started. Back in Southern California. That's, that's where you're from and you were bullied growing up in Southern California, right? Like give, give us your, history a little bit before we dive into some of the things that you've got going on. That's making setting the world on fire.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: Well, first I want to say thank you.

I want to say thank you for having me. I want to say thank you for bringing the story out. I want to say thank you for having women like us to talk to other people around the country and the globe about the work that we do. So I appreciate that. First of all, my story. So it's always interesting talking about yourself because it's really hard sometimes for people, but I've actually been, yeah, right.

I've been enjoying it more and more because the story reflects not just my story, many people in the United States. You know, I grew up in Southern California, born and raised. I'm an LA girl, left only to go to med school. And my parents were immigrants. My dad went to college. He did his undergrad and his graduate schools here in California.

My mom got married and she then went to Cal State Long Beach. So we lived literally the LA lifestyle, you know, they were. South Asians who wanted to give their children and their families, you know, a better upbringing from what they didn't have, which was the, which was the American dream that so many immigrants came here and had.

 My father was also an engineer. But he also worked in activism and politics. Unknowingly, I've actually learned more of his story in the last few years as I've been doing my work and he worked with mayor Tom Bradley and he worked in the Sikh activism role. He was known, for many, many years as a Sikh activist.

He built the first Hollywood, you know, Gurdwara, which is our Sikh temple here in Los Angeles. So I have been learning how my father's story is now reflecting on the work I do. So. I didn't know that as a child, right? You grow up and you, you go to school and you live this life at home to be South Asian and cultural, like many kids did.

And your parents wanted to make sure they gave them, gave you their culture and their understanding and their language. And then you walked out of your house. And you had to find a new identification. Yeah, it's different. Right, I was different to kids. I was tall. I was brown. I, you know, brought Indian food to school.

My brothers were Sikh. Oh, I love Indian food. You know, I had long hair with oil in it because that's what our parents did. And we were made fun of. Yeah. I had a big nose. I, I just didn't fit into that, but sure. Children didn't know that. Right. They're only told what they see or they mimic what their understanding of their normalcy is.

Right. Can't blame a kid, but making fun of someone or demeaning them for who they are and where they're from or their looks is still bullying. And so I got made fun of a lot. I got bullied a lot and this didn't end in middle school or high school. It kept going.

Kim Gravel: Now, I want to ask you this because, because if I don't ask you, I'll forget.

So how, how did that play in, you know, me girl, I'm 52 and I'm barely hanging on. Listen, because I, I want to, did that play a role into you wanting to become a child psychiatrist? I'm serious because when you say bullying, there's so much of that going on. I mean, even. What I experienced with my own kids who are in high school, it's so prevalent today.

I mean, it's always been around, right, Dr. Zee? It's always been there. But it seems like it's more prevalent now. Did that play a part into why you wanted to become a child psychiatrist? Just, just out of curiosity.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: So it's funny. I, when I decided, or my parents pushed me to be a doctor, I was going to be the first woman in the NBA. Magic Johnson was going to train me, you know, y'all have your dreams, but the WNBA wasn't around.

So my parents like, here's the next next thing, you're going to go become a

Kim Gravel: doctor. I love you. I love you. Hey, wait a minute, Dr. Zee, and this is my parents. We just want you to graduate, girl. Can you just graduate from high school?

See, there's the difference.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: Right. So, so my story really just, I'm going to back up a little is, is sure. I was dyslexic. Nobody knew I couldn't read. I went through school. Wow. Just getting through school till I hit seventh grade. So my parents also were like, this kid doesn't want to study. She's not going to make it.

I had straight A student brothers who went to the best school in Orange County. They were the magnet ones. My mom was an educator. My dad was a master's in engineering. He had a full flight and I was this. What happened to our daughter, like, and so the discovery of becoming a physician was also the emphasis that my family was, look, he's, she's, she's expensive, my daughter, we need to get her a career that she can afford her lifestyle that she wants.

But also, you know, they wanted to make sure I was secured. Right. So I didn't know where I wanted to go in medicine, but I did know I wanted to work with kids. And yes, it's not only bullying, there's trauma in my life, you know, and that'll come out one day and there's stories there that affected me. My upbringing affected me in the place we lived where boys were really uptaken more than girls were.

And, and. Girls were not recognized. So empowerment for young women in communities of color is very important to me and non communities of color, but, but really in general, young girls understanding their bodies and making sure it was a place that I went through some sort of dealings and trauma that actually caught to that.

So the bullying, the trauma, the. I was like kids. Now, my mom was also, you know, educator. She was a special education teacher. So I saw the kids she worked with. Eventually when I was in med school, my mom became a foster mom. So working in kids in our life was part of. Kind of my emphasis. I did want to do pediatrics.

I did tell my dad at one point, I'm going to be doctors across the boards. I'm going to help kids across the globe. I want to make sure children are safe and healthy. And I've always had that attitude towards children. Like I wanted to make sure children were safe. And then I'm like, I'm going to do pediatrics.

And then I saw my first kid pass away in my first rotation. I'm like, Oh my God, I can't do this.

Kim Gravel: Yeah. I don't have the stomach for it. I don't have it. Yeah.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: I'm an empathy. I'm a total, my daughter has, you know, she's an empathy. We have that feeling, my mother's like that. And I think it broke my heart to see a child pass.

And so I knew there was still a place for doing that. And so I think psychiatry became something that I wanted to, to dwell, dwell into. And, and I did in my first rotation and I actually enjoyed it. And I was like, Ooh, this is interesting. The child's mind. And their emotions massive more than their physiological bodies aren't actually recognized.

Now I went to med school in India, so that was a whole different lifestyle. And they didn't actually

Kim Gravel: wait a minute. What do you mean? What do you mean the child's? What do you mean the child's mind is not recognized? Dr. Zee. I love that because I agree with you on that.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: Well, yeah. So that's why I call myself a child expert and not a parenting expert.

I don't want to tell y'all how to parent. I don't even, I'm trying to learn how to parent.

Kim Gravel: Well, I got some advice. I'm asking you before you get off this call, whether you want to hear it or not, I want your advice, but go ahead. Okay.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: But the point is I was trained and I studied and I still study and I research, how is the child's mind work?

How does the chemical balance work? How are their emotions working? How is the physiological piece of their brain? We as adults are very different than children and the youth. And I think we forget that they're also human beings that have emotions and, and have thoughts and, and are, have a mind of their own.

Why do they all speak so much? Like, we're always like, Oh my God, my kid talks so much. Yeah, because he or she has something to say. Let's not forget that they have a brain. God gave us all a brain and we need to recognize that they are using it. We tend to forget that.

Kim Gravel: Okay. Okay. Now you're stepping on my toes a little bit.

You really are. Because how I was growing up, how I grew up in the South, and it's so funny because we all are the same, just in different ways. You know, that's my saying. I love that because I grew up as kids. Yeah. I mean, it's so, it's so funny how we're all just so connected. I mean, please don't, that's a whole nother podcast, but I grew up in, in Dr. Zee. We were your, as kids, you're seen and not heard. You're not part of the dinner table. You're sitting at the kid's table. Right. And, and I, I, I was such a young person with so many thoughts and so many, I mean, I'm talking like six, seven, I can remember singing in a hairbrush to my Donnie and Marie Osmond, you know, record player and just going to town and having all these, but when we grew up, it was like, shut up.

You don't have an opinion. Don't, you know, it, when I got older, my parents would be like challenge authority. You know, I was really blessed when I was an older, but like, I've got advice. I'm going to stop. I'm getting off of track here last night. I have a 14 year old kid, son, Blanton, I swear, Blanton, here's your turn, I always talk about Bowden, about And he has been having problems at school with this razzing.

Have you heard about this? Has your kids ever said, talked to you about razzing, Dr. Zee?

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: I've heard of it, they haven't yet. They haven't spoken to me about it. They're little still. They're six and seven.

Kim Gravel: So well, it's coming where, where they make fun of each other and it's a joke and it's just, we're being funny and you know, it's not until it's not funny anymore.

So that's been happening to my 14 year old. So in response to that, he is being really, really cocky. So his response is I'm better than you. But you know, his response has been, all right, I'm a clap back. Okay. And so the last night he sat down and had this long conversation with me about how he's really insecure.

This is like, I mean, honestly, I'm glad you're on today. How he's really insecure and really, I feel so guilty how I give Bo more attention than I give him and he needs more of my attention and that's why he's been clapping back and why he's been getting zeros in school. And you heard him. And Dr. Zee, I thought, where is this kid?

I mean, I didn't even know he thought like this. So when you're saying to me, kids have a mind of their own, have thoughts of their own, that, that resonated with me.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: So I say multiple times in, in videos and reels and pot, we need to learn to listen to our children. So him clapping back him, mimicking him doing all that raising was him reaching out to you and his administrators and his teachers and the school saying, there's something here that I'm not telling you.

And I need to be listened to okay. Bullies or making fun of or, or people who are the instigator. They also have something to say, and that's why they're doing it. But we need as adults say, Oh, they have a, a Problem or there's something going on at home, or maybe there is how many of us actually sat down and said, how are you doing?

How many of us spend 15 minutes? I don't care what age these kids are 15 minutes. Put your phones down, put everything. Don't be like, how was your day? Have a real conversation that you and I would have, because here's the thing. It's like you said, when we were 14, 15, we were, our parents were able to say, okay, let's have a conversation, but that six year old, that seven year old, that 13 year old, that 14 year old, they want to have a conversation the same way you and I can have a conversation the same way my husband and I have a conversation because we're raising adults.

You're not going to be children forever. And they know that. And they understand. We're telling them you want responsibility. You want to do. We're teaching them those. Why aren't we teaching them to use their voices then? And empower their voices. Come on. That's listening. Yeah. He had a time in a moment.

Kim Gravel: Yeah, he had a moment and I honestly, it stepped on my toes a little bit and I'm glad he did. Like, I'm glad he had the courage to say, Mom, I need you. I need you to talk to me. I need to talk to you about some of these things because I think I'm very blessed. I'm very lucky that he had the courage to do that.

 You know, because we're all so busy. How is social media playing into the social aspect of young kids today? Yeah. And what's, I mean, just from your side, from your back, from your background, your expertise, what's healthy, what's not, can you give us some tips and tricks on all of that? Cause I know everybody watching is going to be like my grandkids and my kids are out of control, you know, fill in those blanks for us.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: Social media is never going away.

So let's, let's recognize that first, whether it's internet, whether it's social media, whether it's anything that is going to be technology based that our children will have access to, it's still there. Now, how do we utilize that access and give them healthy habits around it? Well, the first thing is, I'm going to keep saying this till the day I die.

Now spend 15 minutes a day with your children and find out what they're doing. I love that. Watch what they're doing on social media. Go pick up their phones and see who they're talking to. You know what? Step on their toes. You are still the, the person who is raising that adult step on their toes. You pay their bills.

Unless that child's paying his, his telephone bill and doing all that. There's a whole nother conversation there. But. But you're still the one who's creating a place that he has access or she has access to this. So go recognize what are they doing now? Yeah. I still think any child under the age of 13 should not be on social media.

Kim Gravel: I agree with that.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: I don't think you shouldn't be giving the child a phone though. Now I'm going to give you an example. My daughter is seven. She is a little creative bug. She's in company dance. She does musical theater. And she's a second grader who is super smart and intelligent. And she, you know, I work a lot.

And she goes to these classes till seven, eight o'clock at night. And I have to be able to get hold of her. And we have some amazing parents who are also watching them while they're there. But I need to have access to her. Whether she's at a friend's house or doing something. We gave her a phone. Now the phone has no social on it.

I've taken YouTube kids off of it because I don't actually have the minute to go through it with her. So I said, when I'm ready, you will get what you're going to get. She has one social media platform, which is Zigazoo, which is for kids run by parents. And I actually have full faith in that. So any parent who's looking for something under 13 that is fully run by parents is Zigazoo.

It is an amazing app for that. And it's only kids on there. And my husband who hates social media. Actually was like, I'm blown away by this, but what I do is now the phone has become a, a understanding of access to call me to message her grandparents to, it is not a place of, I'm constantly on this. I use it, I take it from what I need and then it goes onto the family counter where all of our phones sit.

They don't go into our bedrooms. Now I have bad habits sometimes, so they don't know, but, but the children's phones, the children's iPads, the children's, everything stay there. They have a timing. They get to use it. And that is it.

Kim Gravel: So the rules are set. You're still the boss.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: Yeah. The reason is, is when they hit 13, 14, 15, they are now learning.

That the phone is not my life. I don't have to be constantly on this social media, this phone. This is, I can talk to people. I can communicate with people. I can actually have a conversation outside of my phone. I don't sit and scroll all day long. Yes. But you're starting them early on the usage of a electronic item.

Kim Gravel: Okay. Well, what do you do if you, if, if they're too far gone, you know, 42 states are suing meta saying Facebook and Instagram are addictive and targeting teens.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: Like what do you actually, yeah, I know the cases. Yeah.

Kim Gravel: So talk to me about, cause like, I mean, my teens, I mean, honestly, one time I took both phone and I thought he was going to drop down to a fetal position and have, you know, withdrawals.

So, I mean, it is truly addictive. I've experienced it with my own kids.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: You're probably right. Yeah. No, I agree with you. But I think the change has to happen with you as the parent. And as they, as to have conversations 13 and above, I think we need to change the, communication and the listening skill and the compassion and create a space of collaboration with our families.

Because here's my thing, my 14 year old nephew, I will sit and talk to him. And my brother did this the other day. And he's like, well, tell me who your friends are on social media. Let me connect. You're on his social media. You should be his Instagram friend. You should be his Facebook, right? You should be what he's seeing because that's the way you're gonna communicate that is you're right.

That is that's really is Yep. So go in and be their friend go in and accept him because there's a place for that There is a place for that. And then sit down and say, Oh, you know, I saw this on social. Communicating his level too, that he wants to have that conversation with you. Here's my other thing.

There are multiple social media platforms that scare me. And, and, and there are already consequences we see with bullying and suicide. We see with drugs and suicide. We see, and it's right now happening boys and, and, and sexual, trauma that is happening over. These social media platforms, girls who are being actually, you know, coerced to take pictures.

These are things that are real. Pick up your children's phone and see what they're doing because the, the advantages, you're not going to have a child that goes through trauma and the disadvantages talk to the parents whose children have already committed suicide towards this. Oh, wish they picked up that phone because

Kim Gravel: you got to get involved in a different kind of way.

You have to get involved in a different kind of way.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: And it's, it starts with communication, which we don't do. We think our kids, they're fine. You're right. I'm busy. I have to work. If you can spend five minutes meditating, you can spend 10 minutes having a conversation with the child that you brought into this world.

Kim Gravel: Okay. All right. With that note, we're going to take a break because Dr. Zee just dropped that bomb. We're going to take a break and when we come back, Dr. Zee, I want to talk about how being multicultural and how learning other cultures Truly does open up your mind and your heart towards others. When we come right back, we have with us child psychiatrist and a child expert. And she didn't say she's a parenting expert, but she sure has been dropping some great advice for us in the first half. Dr. Zee welcome back. We're talking about children. And I loved what you said earlier about how. We have to communicate, have open conversations, and then we have to listen.

I will tell you, my father, when I was growing up, he wanted me to travel. That was his one thing he said, and not travel like from Georgia to Alabama. He wanted me to travel. He wanted me to get on a plane and go across the country. To Africa and to Japan and to experience different cultures. And he said, that is the best education you will ever have.

When you understand, he used to say this to me all the time, that we're all the same, just in different ways. That we're, we're more alike than we are not. And that is your passion, is it not?

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: Yeah, it's not only my passion, it comes from the story of, of how I grew up and felt different when I left my home.

 And I, and again, and I said this earlier, many of us who came from immigrant parents actually felt that, you know, I'm a first generation American and I never felt like I was appreciated or I belonged in this country. And then when you go to India, where my parents would send us for holidays, you didn't feel like you belonged there either.

You belong there. Right. Because they looked at you as Americans. So, so it was hard. But the passion drove from the fact that I had multi, multicultural, diverse friends growing up, but I also didn't know them. Right. I didn't know their backgrounds. I didn't know their histories. I didn't know their traditions or ethnicities.

And my mom came into our school to actually teach about our background and our religion and our history. Cause my brothers and I were getting made fun of as an educator. And she took that. And it's very similar to what your dad said, which is trying to create a place of that. We're actually more similar than we're different and our differences don't separate us.

They bring us together. And she tried to do that. Well, I grew up, I became an adult and I became a mom of my own and I thought, okay, well, you know, everyone gets bullied. Everyone has trauma from that. So we have to move on in our lives and become adults now. Then my daughter came to me at four years old and she said, why do people keep asking me where I'm from?

She's four. She's in preschool. And I looked at her and I said, what are you talking about? And she said, mom, like, what am I? Wow. What are you? And I recognize this hasn't changed. I'm going to be 40 at some point when I was having it. Like she was four. I was like. Wait a minute. This is 40 years. Like again, this isn't supposed to happen, right?

We're supposed to be more advanced as a people, as a humanity, as, as, as, as a country. And we're not, but again, I can't blame her. I can't blame her friends. I can't blame the educators. I can't blame their parents because no one's educated in this. How do we create a place that we actually know one another and create a place of appreciation and belonging?

So I said, okay, I'm going to go to your classroom and I'm going to find out who are all the different communities in your classroom and we're going to go learn about them. I had to create a resolution for my children, right? I'm going to teach them about the South Asian culture and all of that.

That's my responsibility. But it's nobody else's responsibility at that point for me. to teach them about other communities. So I went in, I found out, I talked to some of their parents. I talked to some of the community leaders. I learned about it because I'm not going to Google everything to find out what does, you know, an Italian person do?

What does a French child do? What does an Australian child do? How do you celebrate Nowruz? I had to go talk to the people who are raised in those communities who were thought leaders in those communities who are educators. So I did that. And then I started collecting these things at home and, and teaching Amara and Zane about it.

And they had friends. So they came over for Diwali at our house. Then we went to Nehru's at their house. Then we found about Chinese new year. So we started creating that space. And again, one of the things that I recognized was you can't just do this once a year. You have to keep educating yourselves about communities outside of that, that, that country, that tradition, that culture.

So Amara was like, okay, so now I'm going to understand this. And then the teacher started asking me, I don't know how we started a business, but it started a business at that point because everyone wanted to know where we got this stuff from. I was not an entrepreneur. I had to learn to become one. That was like a, that was something that I sat down.

I'm like, okay, I have to create these kits. How do we do this? And nobody taught me manufacturing and. We just started a small business and we started saying, Hey, we want to teach about country, culture, and tradition. We want to teach multicultural learning and we want to not only teach it to our younger kids, we want to teach it to their parents.

So our kids started being created for three, like fifth graders, but when you're three to seven, you need a parent. Here's my opportunity now to educate the parent at the same time. And then the older kids can do activities on their own and they're always everlasting these products. They don't just, you're not one time doing this.

Now when we launched, I was very new. I wanted to make sure we took a place where we, gave back to the fact that it's not just one. Time box, right? It's an everlasting piece. It's evergreen. Yeah, it's evergreen. Right. And so I, we started creating, we've gone from large kits to small kits to very traditional, bond bands that came from one other community and culture and tradition.

So we've just started expanding slowly and slowly. And then, you know, I got to say, entrepreneurship is a learning experience and I launched the company in 2020 and it's going to be about four years old, March of next year or June of next year, but it was. It's been a learning experience and it's, it's been, it's been a trajectory.

It's not easy. You know, I started on my own from my kitchen table. I went to a couple people coming in as, as, as vendors. And then now I have a, a small team, but we're still learning, you know, when you go from direct to consumer to, to retail, to, to, to, you know, drop ship to now being in the store, you have to learn all these, but the appreciation we've received is.

You have something that we want, because what you're doing, you're making, you're making a better future for our children. And I say this, we're not doing it for them. We're doing it with them. We need to create a future with our kids. It's not for our kids anymore. And that's what the law in kids did in kids is inclusive kids, inclusive learning, inner community change, building, communities of children that don't have racial discrimination.

Don't look at the color of your skin, really creating a place of appreciation and belonging. And through our multicultural line. And now next year launching our mesh line, which is mental, emotional, social health lines, based off of the science of emotions. We're actually creating a space now that if you have received this place of being bullied and trauma, how do we actually teach you how to express your emotions and have get help through that.

Kim Gravel: Girl and it's going to explode more so than already has. You say you said something earlier that you're talking about belongingness. What, what do you mean by that? And why is it so important? To to feel that especially for kids, but I think we all even adults. I want to belong. I want to be part of it. You know, I'm saying like What do you mean by that?

What does belongingness mean and why is it so important?

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: So I'm going to tell two really quick things. So one is, think about when you're a kid, okay? And you have these cool kids in the school, right? They're like the popular, right? They're the cool kids, yes. We all grew up in that. One of the things that I want to do is get rid of that in the world.

Well, honey, I'm all for that. It is the most traumatic thing for a child not to feel wanted or included in something. Okay. And that's number one to create belonging. So it's like being invited to a party. Okay. You get an invitation and it's, and you can do this as an adult. You can do this as a child. You know, you get invited to the party.

That is the first step to create a place of bringing diversity into your home. Right? You're it's a birthday party. All the kids are getting invited. Now, all the kids are at your party. How do we create inclusion? We have everyone talking around it. Everyone's involved in the games. Everyone's being part of something, whether it's the dancing or the singing or being part of a game.

We're all included. So that's inclusivity. Then you talk about appreciation. Now we're appreciating one another on the game, on the dancing. We're uplifting them. We're saying happy and positive things to them. Guess what we've created? Belonging. Everyone belongs at the party. No one has been excluded.

Children face that. The first day of preschool and as they grow, they lose that because we're not keeping the teaching and education behind how to keep appreciating one another, how to keep belonging. Guess where the first piece of bullying starts in the lunchroom in middle school, because all those elementary school friends now have split because now we've started the clicks.

Now we've started the cool kids. Now we've started that. And first thing kids get made fun of is their food because no one's teaching them. Now, if we start teaching them in preschool, in kindergarten, in first grade till fifth grade, about all of these communities, all of these emotions, getting rid of the clicks, getting rid of the popularity, creating place of belonging.

Guess what? We stop. Yes. Bullying, racial discrimination, fights, exclusion, pulling guns on one another, social media, bullying, cyber bullying. All the things our children are facing right now.

Kim Gravel: Okay. Well, my gosh, we got to start them early. And Dr. Zee, that's why I believe in your message. That's why I want you to come on the podcast.

 We're going to tell you where you can find this woman and everything, this powerhouse of a woman and everything she's doing. But before we do that, Dr. Zee, I do this on with every guest I have. Okay. We do what I call rapid fire questions.

Don't even think about it. I don't want you to think it through. You're a doctor, so you're really smart. I just want you to say the first thing that comes out of your mouth when I ask you this question. Look at her. She's pulling her shirt down. She's got her hair back. She ready.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: I gotta get ready for this.

Kim Gravel: Buckle up, buttercup. Here we go. Okay. What is one thing you're currently obsessed with?

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: Oh my God, my phone. I don't know why, but it's my phone. That's the worst thing in the world to say.

Zac Miller: That's all of us.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: It is. And I want to get rid of it because my daughter said this to me the other day. And so did my son.

It was really hard for me. And I talk about it to other people, but I don't do it myself. And she's like, can you look at me when I'm talking to you? Like, I'm like, oh, sheesh. And it came to me because I'm like, I need to stop that. I really need to stop that. I need to stop being on my phone and put it down, have conversations with people.

And also, you know, I have to say it's because we're building this business and we're doing all these things. I feel like I'm, oh my God. Right. Yeah. It's just like Zac, like what you're doing. My husband's like, you're on a phone call. Don't look at your phone. Have respect for someone's time. Like, and I'm like, he's so right.

I hate it when he's right. Cause when someone does that to me, I'm like, How rude . But yes, that is really one thing, but it's a bad obsession and I want to very, very much focus on that. You know? They're like ignoring me and I'm like, look at me, boy.

I'm talking to you .

Kim Gravel: Yeah. So he, he gave you a toast of your, a taste of your own medicine, okay? If you owned a traveling circus. What would it be called?

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: Zee Circus. I don't, I don't know. Zee's been my name since I was a kid. So I'm a basketball player. And I would tell you I would have a lot of, a lot of athletes, like trapeze and like the Globetrotters.

Kim Gravel: That's what I see. Aren't they fabulous?

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: Zee Circus.

Kim Gravel: What is your favorite holiday tradition?

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: Christmas. I, I, I grew up in a very multicultural home in general, but Christmas for us was the biggest thing. Our whole family. My mom has six sisters. She has two brothers. My dad has a huge family. It was always central in our home.

Like the tree was up, the presents were like all over the place, like in my house. It's starting at Halloween. It's like the seasons have thrown up. But once you hit Christmas in my house, it is, my husband walks in. He's like, Oh my God, I can't wait to take everything down. That man is on a mission because I'm taking everything down because from Thanksgiving onwards, it's Diwali in our house and we have Thanksgiving.

Then we have Christmas. I mean, I'm literally decorating the house, the inside, the outside. And he's like, This is too, and the glitter is everywhere.

Kim Gravel: Love it.

Zac Miller: There's a decent chance that Kim has already started decorating for Christmas.

Kim Gravel: It's my, my decorations are almost done. Oh yeah, it's already almost done.

Yeah. I'm telling you. I didn't know. So you and, again, you and I are so similar in so many ways. Okay, here we go. What is your favorite, speaking of holidays and a lot of food I'm sure is involved, what are your favorite leftovers to eat?

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: Oh, so mine is turkey because so my mom for Thanksgiving, it's like, it's that it's the turkey.

My dad would watch football for like four days straight. We would all be eating turkey sandwiches. Mashed potatoes were like constant in our house. My husband makes the best mashed potatoes. And my mom does the full fledged, you know, and I'm starting to learn it now. I, I I don't cook. I know how to cook.

I'm just not the cook. So I'm starting to learn. My children enjoy it. But for us, and it's funny, I've seen the kids don't really enjoy the turkey anymore. Like they're not, this, this generation is not a big turkey fan the way I think we all grew up.

Kim Gravel: Uh, I just love everything around the turkey to like, like you said, the mashed potatoes, the green bean casseroles.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: I don't actually like giving leftovers.

Kim Gravel: I want to isn't it the best when everybody's like had their fill at lunch and then you're because we like. And then everybody's just laying around like a fat cat and you're watching something on TV and then you're like, you know what? I'm gonna have, I'm going to go and have some leftovers and you warm them up.

Nothing like it.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: In our house. It's like the pie. We go from afternoon to evening also. And then like the, all the moms, cause now they're all grandmas are watching their movies and my cousins are playing cards. Like it's just, it's constant. Y'all need to leave now. Get out.

Kim Gravel: I'm trying to go to sleep.

No, I'm coming over. What is on the top of your bucket list?

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: On the top of my bucket list is actually, it's, it's a really interesting thought because I've been thinking about this for a while. It's actually really to be more of a speaker and go out, and globally talk about this. Because this is not just affecting America, guys.

This is a global topic. It's a global topic. When it affects our children. Yeah. And, and I, I really want to start focusing on taking that time and figuring out how I can become more of a Dr. Zee advocate speaker to go out there and talk about this in different realms. And, and I don't know if there's a bucket list or it's a dream, but it's, it's, I'm not looking for recognition.

I'm looking for change. And that's how we're creating change process in people's mind on how we effectively are talking and listening to our children, and how we are going to raise adults, strong, confident, compassionate adults. It's not even kids anymore. So that's really the bucket list, you know, to have my voice known and empower the youth voices and be that person to, to be the facilitator.

I don't need to speak. I want to be the facilitator for these children and empower their voices across the globe.

Kim Gravel: You will. You are. It's done. There's no bucket list involved, it's done. Okay. If, what's your favorite fast food?

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: Oh, right now it's, you know, it's sad. It's chicken nuggets and french fries. Cause I got kids and it's a chick fil a chick spicy chicken sandwich.

The drive thru.

Kim Gravel: Oh, I love those spicy chickens.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: I don't have kids.

Kim Gravel: I know. Don't need to. There ain't no shame in that game. I went twice last week. Here we go.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: It's either in and out or it's this one. It's chick fil a. Depending on the kids moods.

Kim Gravel: I love it. Favorite candy?

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: Chocolate. Yeah.

Any kind of chocolate will do. So, it goes from Reese's Pieces to Kit Kat to milk chocolate, holiday season it's all those boxes we

Kim Gravel: get. I know, right? With the little nougat nuts in it. We're chocolate fans at our home. This has been a very big food show and I love it. Okay. Yeah. What superhero, if you were a superhero, what would your superhero name be?

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: It has to be Dr. Zee, like, there's no way I'm changing

Kim Gravel: that. I see a cartoon in your future. I see a cartoon in your future.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: I'm a woman who's ready to fly.

Zac Miller: A comic? Oh, I love that. A comic would be great.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: I haven't thought of that. Okay. Who knows a comic writer? Because I don't. I'm being serious. I mean, I would love to create a cartoon behind Dr. Zee and Hootie. You know, Hooties are IP, our, our little animal that takes the kids on, on the journeys. And so I always said, you know, Hooties like Dumbledorf in my head, who, who, who spreads his wings and takes these children around the globe to teach them about country culture. And then Dr. Zee becomes that advocate to like, you know, do I, I would love to do a cartoon like that.

Kim Gravel: Uh, I think you've just added something to your bucket list. Yeah, here we go.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: Yeah, there you go. There's another one. All right.

Kim Gravel: If, if you had a million dollars to donate, what cause would you choose?

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: Emotional, mental health of kids. Any, any, any 501c that are nonprofit that is working towards, and I have to say a little bit really more towards kids in the black and brown community in de stigmatization of it, because we forget that, in our communities of color and it's not, I'm not trying to create a space of that, but there is really underprivileged, underrepresented children who don't actually have access to this.

Sure. And, and I think, I think that's really a place, but it's, it's really because our parents. Having destigmatized from emotional wellness and really talk about that. So I think it would be any space of that. There's some great programs out there. One source child. I know Selena Gomez has a great program.

I don't know any of these people, but, but there's some wonderful things that people are doing for emotional wellness for kids.

Kim Gravel: And we need it so desperately. One last question. Is there hope for our children and our future?

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: Yes. If I have anything to do for it, yes, because I'm going to be damned if I leave this world to my kids like this.

Kim Gravel: Come on, girl. Dr. Zee, I love you.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: I love you too, Kim.

Kim Gravel: You gotta come back. Come back.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: I will, for sure. You can, I mean, if you'll have me, I will be back.

Kim Gravel: Well, let me tell y'all where you can connect with Dr. Zee. Talk, connect with her on social media, Dr. Zee Underscore md. You can find all of her activity kids at InKidZCo.com. That's kids spelled with a Z. Okay. You know, Dr. Zee is developing a television doc series featuring her conversations with youth across the country called Raising America. And let me tell you something. She's the real deal. Her upcoming book and podcast raising adults because we are raising adults, not kids.

I love how you say that. Go check her out. She is all over the place. She's on the move, ready to help make our kids stronger and make them more confident than ever. Thank you, Dr. Zee. Come back and be with me, girl.

Dr. Zabina Bhasin: I will. A hundred percent.

Zac Miller: Thanks, Dr. Zee.

Kim Gravel: Love you, girl.

Zac, that was a lot packed into one episode. I mean, I learned a lot. Just by talking to Dr. Zee.

Zac Miller: I feel like I need Drin my life. Yeah.

Kim Gravel: I know, I do. Yeah. It's so reassuring because she says she's not a parenting expert, but as parents, it's, it's so good, like, look, it's so much easier sometimes to look outside of yourself or look at someone else's kids and you know exactly what you'd be able to say.

It's so hard to do. That kind of thoughtful instruction with your own children. But I love what she's talking about. The multi multicultural experience and really teaching kids different cultures. But also the main takeaway for me today was just. Listen, the children have a voice and, and honestly, I think we take for granted or are we not aware that they are absorbing, absorb it little sponges.

Zac Miller: Yeah. And to me it's like the bar isn't even that high, right? It is. I just need to spend that 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes a day. Just checking in. Yeah. Check it in. And I think you're actually really good at this, Kim. Aren't you? I mean, you're always talking about how you have these long conversations.

Kim Gravel: I do, but I have to be. Yeah, I do, Zac, but I think it's, it's not frequent enough and it almost has to be, a crisis of sorts until I do it. Does that make sense? It's always like something,

Zac Miller: But they trust you. They know they can come to you,

Kim Gravel: Of course. You do have to build it. But at the same time, there's a help.

I think she's right. There's just that help. If we can meditate, if we could spend that quiet time, if we can, you know, watch our Tik Toks or watch a, you know, stream a show for 30 minutes, we can take 10 minutes out of our time and say to our children, how are you? Because they have voices and they have a lot to say.

And if we're not teaching them, I can tell you, TikTok, social media and, and all of that will. That was my takeaway today.

Zac Miller: That's, that is a really good point. I feel like I'm, I'm now like gonna consume 100 percent of the content she's putting out because it's just so, so relevant. Especially, you know, for me, like, our kids are the same age too.

Like, she's got a 7 year old, I have a 6 year old. I'm like, I'm right there with you, Dr. Zee. Like, let's do it.

Kim Gravel: Well, besides that, you're not getting any sleep. So, God bless ya. Okay? Hey, I'm gonna leave you with this. I'm gonna leave this whole episode with this. Wait till you get to the teen years. Gird your loins.

Zac Miller: Uh, Kim, why? No, don't do that. Please don't do that.

Kim Gravel: Bye, y'all.

Zac Miller: Bye.

Kim Gravel: Okay, Zac. Let's do it. Let it go! Let it go! I love you. You ready, Kim? Okay, we have a child psycho let me say that again. We have child. Yeah, let me start again. Okay, here we go. Plus, I'm raising teenage kids and that's, I mean, I'm either going to be, I'm going to jail or I'm going to kill them.

That's the hard cold truth, Dr. Zee. I ain't lying to you.

The Kim Gravel Show is produced and edited by Zac Miller at Uncommon Audio. Our associate producer is Kathleen Grant, the Brunette Exec. Production help from Emily Bredin and Sara Noto.

Our cover art is designed by Sanaz Huber at Memarian Creative and Mike Kligerman Edits the show and a special thanks to the team at QVC. Head over to kimgravelshow.com and sign up for our mailing list. Again, we can't do this without you, so thank you for listening, and we love you.