Confidence Coaching with Kim: Stop Waiting For Permission, Your Time Is NOW

*This transcript was auto-generated*

Kim Gravel: Coming up on The Kim Gravel Show, if you wanna be a mom, go be a mom. If you know that inside of your soul that that's what you desire, if you wanna go date and find the perfect man for you, go find him. He's there. Honestly, you already know what to do. You're well-equipped. You're just not doing it. This is the, let's just go on, spill the team.

Opening Introduction: Let's just go on and spill the tea. This is The Kim Gravel Show. This is one of the realest persons I've ever met in my darn life. You gotta watch this. My mission is to encourage every single woman, we're here to lift y'all up. There's no one more effective than moms. You mess with the bull. You going to get the horns. I need coffee. I need Jesus and I need therapy. If you can bring a smile to people's faces, why would you not? We love our kids. We love our husbands. What a blessing. We're gonna dedicate this to you in finding your superpower. Okay girl. True confidence is knowing who you are and why you're here.

Hey y'all, this is the Kim Gravel Show and this season we are leveling up our lives and stepping into our purpose and calling, and we're gonna do this thing together. today's show, I'm so excited, Zac, y'all know Zac's with me every week. We're doing another confidence coaching session, and honestly, I'm digging this.

Zac Miller: Yeah, the confidence coaching sessions are amazing, and even though today I have like a really weird kind of bad hair day going on, I feel like, I think you're so maybe I need some confidence coaching.

Kim Gravel: No, listen, I'll tell you what, there's nothing like a man who cares about his physical to me. I tell you, it's hot, Zac.

Zac Miller: It's hot. Thank you. Well, if I just could get this thing to not be sticking straight up, I think that would be good.

Kim Gravel: It looks a little alfalfa and I'm digging it. I'm digging it.

Zac Miller: All right. As long as you're digging it, that's fine. You know, send us letters. Tell me if you think I look dumb, but

Kim Gravel: don't send us letters.

You think that I say send us letters. If you think If you think I look like I've lost weight and thin and younger, send us letters. If not, we don't.

Zac Miller: Like, not honestly. Ok. If you send a letter that just literally says that I'm reading it on the air next episode, that's a promise. That's a promise in the audience,

Kim Gravel: that's what we accept. I'm fully able to tell you exactly what I need to hear. speaking of that, we've got a guest today that I'm so excited about Zac, because today we're gonna be talking about in our confidence coaching session about how you already have the confidence that you need, you were actually born with, but many of us are not walking in that confidence because of our life circumstances or things that happened to us or we're looking external to find. And so we have a absolutely smart, stunning, beautiful woman on today's show. Her name is Amber. she wrote in and said she wanted to come and get some confidence coaching.

Zac, she's a self-described now. I'm not gonna, this is her words workaholic with a no social life, no hobbies. Used to be active in church. But afraid to put herself out there because she's terrified of being rejected.

Zac Miller: She just is afraid. She's just afraid to put herself out there. And I think, that you're gonna have a lot to talk to her about.

Kim Gravel: Well, she's 35 years young. She's a nurse. She works with special needs children. She's single. She doesn't have a romantic partner, and she says maybe she's just not meant to be married, but she's wants to be a mom. And so she's making all these huge life decisions. And she says she's not making them confidently.

So we're gonna talk to Amber today about, her crisis of confidence. So you don't wanna miss this one because we're gonna be talking all things of confidence and how to walk in it and how to believe in yourself and how to do it at any stage, any walk of life. And we're gonna get to. After this,

Hey y'all, Kim Gravel here, and I'm excited about my book that's releasing very, very soon called Collecting Confidence. And I wrote it because I want everyone to feel confident and be the confident person that you already are and walk in it. I'm hoping that when you read it, you're gonna be encouraged.

You're gonna be inspired, you're gonna laugh a little, and also you're going to. My stories of my life, the experiences, the ups, the downs, the ins and outs, the highs, the lows, and it's been that thread in my life that has given me the confidence to be who I was meant to be. And I want it to do the same for you because you already have it inside of you from the day.

You were born to right Now, it's time to start where you are to become everything you were meant to be. And in collecting confidence it will encourage you to do just that. Collecting confidence comes out April 25th and you can pre-order it now. Wherever books are sold. Let's all do this thing together and walk boldly y'all in your collected confidence.

Zac Miller: Our last confidence coaching session was one of our biggest episodes we've ever done. It has had such a huge response. We've been getting emails, calls, it's been amazing.

Kim Gravel: We've all experienced, this crisis of confidence before, but I think Amber's gonna be a special way. I really do.

Zac Miller: Yeah, me too. so this all started, we we're bringing Amber on the show because she sent us this really heartfelt email and it made me just immediately be.

I think we need to reach out to this person. no. Do you want me to read a little bit of it?

Kim Gravel: I wish you would, cuz I love it and I'd love for everybody to hear it before we bring in Amber.

Zac Miller: This is just a

Kim Gravel: little,

Zac Miller: a little bit of this, longer email that she wrote us that really touched me. But she said, as we grow, there are various things in their life that happen that can strip away some of our confidence.

Little by little to the point where we don't even know we lost. Listening to the podcast, I know my confidence level isn't where I thought it was because hearing Kim say things like, you're worth it and you can do this. They make me tear up.

Kim Gravel: Well, one thing that lets me know that Amber is going to be fantastic today is because she said, little by little things strip your confidence away.

So she already knows that we come all into this planet with confidence and it's the things, the circumstances and all that that happens that strips it away. Let's go ahead. Let's bring in Amber. It's time to get started.

Amber: Hi, Kim. It's nice to meet you.

Kim Gravel: Oh, Amber girl, good to meet you.

Amber: I'm so excited to be here.

I prayed for this a long time ago and I felt so stupid because it's like God said bigger things to address than you thinking that you wanna meet Ke Grove. Oh girl. But I prayed for it, and here we are.

Kim Gravel: Oh my God, girl, first of all, God is not too big, and nothing we do is too small for him to move mountains to make things happen.

So I'm glad to meet you. I think your story is, oh, what can I say about it, Amber? And I'm gonna let you tell a little bit of it here in a minute, but your story is going to connect, inspire and encourage so many people. So a thank you for coming on and being transparent and. Tell the story, girl, because this is so powerful.

Amber: I am 35 years old. I live in South Carolina actually, Kim, I live in Seneca. Ah, girl. I was born. I know, I know. So I work as an early interventionist in South Carolina and South Carolina. That means that I work with families whose children have developmental delays, a wide variety of developmental delays.

We get them services that they need. We. Are there in case they, they have questions, things like that. Right now I am also single.

Kim Gravel: Are you one of those singles ready to mingle or you're single and just I'm pretty, you know, you're cool with it?

Amber: I'm pretty content with being single. oh, that's a, my whole life I have been more of a person I think, and I have prayed about this too, I think I'm more meant to be a mom. That is my biggest focus. So how that's gonna look, whether I do iui or I do private adoption, or I go through the foster care system, I don't know how it's gonna look yet.

Kim Gravel: You're content being single.Cause you know my very best friend is, is single. She's in her fifties, never been married.

Amber: Oh, I love that. See, we need to hear more of that. Like, you're not weird if you're single.

Kim Gravel: Oh Lord, no, honey, you, you've got freedom. You, this is her motto. No husband, no children, no wrinkles. That's her motto in life.

Amber: And then the fact also that I'm 35 and have never had kids. You know, in the South that's still right. Right. Weird. I tell the almighty that if you want me to be married, you are going to have to drop. My husband right in front of me because I'm not looking for it.

Kim Gravel: But you are feeling the baby bug.

Amber: Yes.

Kim Gravel: And you're ready to move forward on that. Do you want a relationship?

Amber: At 35, it seems daunting to get into a serious, lifelong committed relationship because I feel like by this point you're so set in a lot of your ways that inviting somebody else into it just seems like a lot for me.

Kim Gravel: I think you've got a wall up and I think you are afraid to want the best things for your.

Amber: I can very, very much see that because what happens if it doesn't work? What happens if I, there's a lot of what happens if,

Kim Gravel: let's start with the relationship because I think that, I just know from my friend, she wants to be married so bad. She wants it so bad and she has every right to want it, but she wants it so bad.

Her fear is, It's never gonna happen. Everything starts with fear. You know that everything, we're constantly making decisions out of fear and it's, or confusion, and it's the dumbest way to make decisions every time I make a decision because I'm afraid something is or isn't gonna happen. I wanna kick myself afterwards.

 But the beautiful thing about God is it doesn't matter what kind of decisions we. Oh my gosh. We're gonna make the wrong decisions. But he always, he will get that thing. He can reroute that thing and, and get us where we need to be. But I wanna talk to you about like, why are you so fearful that it won't work out?

Are you really fearful that it won't work out? Are you fearful that it just might, you don't know what the heck to do when it does?

Amber: A little bit of both. I've been by myself for so long that how do I, how would I be in a relationship? What kind of person am I in a relationship?

Kim Gravel: You've got to quit listening to what other people are saying to you, the good and the bad because Amber, you are an expert at being amber.

You just are, and I say this to everybody and I truly believe it cuz I've lived it in my life. It has nothing to do with being that smart or that, you know, spiritually elevated. None of that bull crap. I'm saying this at a strictly life, hard darn, 51 years of experience. You have got to be your own best friend, your own biggest cheerleader, your own advocate.

And you've gotta take all that that you're doing with those young children you're leading every day, and how you pull into your, and connect with your friends and how you wanna be a mom. And you've got to mother love and be your own best friend. And it's gotta start with you and God. And when you do that, nothing will stop.

You might have a few obstacles. You might feel insecure, cuz I say this, confidence waxes and wanes. It's not consistent, but what it is, is it's there and you can always draw from it. It doesn't ever leave us. We bury it, we ignore it, we start listening to the outside distractions, but it's. And and honestly girl, you know that, you know that for you.

You know you're a baller and shot caller. You know, deep down. Don't tick you off. Don't back you in a corner. And don't tell me that I can't. And you can't tell me that. That's not really who you are. Cuz I can just tell by talking to you cuz you're like, I'm gonna let down my guard a little bit, but not too much Kim.

Cause I ain't that crazy.

Amber: People telling me, no, you're not gonna do something. I said that the other day. No, sorry. My confrontational side. Like I will come at somebody if girl, I know there is a mama bear

Kim Gravel: inside of me

that's what I'm talking about. That's the good stuff, but what should happen is you're bullying yourself.

Amber: Here's my question then, because I'm not, I hear all these people that don't have confidence or have, you know, low self-esteem or whatever. They're self-deprecating.

Kim Gravel: Sure. Which is all of us, by the way. That's all of us. Yes.

 Go ahead.

Amber: they're self-deprecating. They will talk down to themselves. They will, you know? As, as I know, self-deprecating to be. Yes. I don't feel myself necessarily talking down to myself. Right. Like, I don't, I'm not gonna talk myself up.

Kim Gravel: Right, but the results are the same, right? So if someone's talking themselves down or no one is acknowledging or talking themselves up, it's the same, the results are the same.

Okay? Let me tell you something. If, if we all, I don't know if there's a study. I wish you'd looked this up, Zac. It tells like one negative thought or one negative comment towards you. It takes 20 positive ones to negate the one, and I'm telling you, I put a little tape recorder on myself one time and just listened to the things that verbally came outta my mouth that were a negative about myself or my situation.

I played it back the next day, Amber. I was like, okay, well that's why I'm feeling this way. I didn't even record the things that were happening in my mind, but have you ever thought you're just fatigue? With all of it. Numb to it.

Amber: Very much numb to it.

Kim Gravel: Yes. If you wanna be a mom, go be a mom. If you know that inside of your soul that that's what you desire, if you wanna go date and find the perfect man for you, go find him.

He's there. If you wanna go get your doctorate and take over the world, if you wanna run for Senate, you know, in South Carolina, do it whatever you want. I'm telling you, you're the most capable. S person I have talked to about this subject in a long time. Honestly, you already know what to do. You're well-equipped.

You're just not doing it. You, my daddy used to say all this, to me all the time. This is in the book too. He says, girl, you're not a fat girl. You're just living like one.

Amber: I remember you saying that.

Kim Gravel: Yeah, girl. You're not a, a, a person that doesn't have confidence. You're just living like it. Hmm. You're full of confidence.

You're full of capability. You're full of life. I'm sitting here talking to you, going, you're going to therapy. And I'm like, you probably could therapy the therapist. Am I right? Just tell me if I'm right or wrong. I agree. The only thing, you're not stepping into your confidence and the only reason you're not is because of fear.

Amber: That fear of rejection is a big one.

Kim Gravel: Oh,

Amber: that's a big one. I do that at work too. I mean, I, you will see me not even, and everybody knows now, I am not the jerk that it looks like I can be.

Kim Gravel: I love that. That's great. I'm not the jerk that, what'd you say?

Amber: Not the jerk that it looks like I can be not the jerk. So, I mean, and even so much as somebody comes in the office, I am not the person that's gonna be like, Hey, how are you?

I'm afraid somebody's not gonna say something back.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid of, you know how I'm gonna sound when I say it. I mean, and that's across the board. Like that's just one. I always say I'm a repressed hugger because I am never going to initiate a hug with you. We, people used to joke by that all the time. Amber's not a toucher.

That's not true. I am afraid of you rejecting my hug or anything like that. I'm not going to put myself out there because I'm afraid of what will be given back to me.

Kim Gravel: Know what I'm gonna tell you to do? In the face of this fear of rejection, right? You gotta get

Amber: in, you gotta get out there, you have to do it anyway.

Kim Gravel: Right? So, so what would an action item be for you immediately?

Amber: I mean, the next person that walks in the door, I would need to say, Hey, how are you?

Kim Gravel: And do what I'd say just kiss some on the mouth too. I mean, get crazy. But see, but again, Amber, you know what to do. You see what I'm saying?

I didn't have to tell you what to, you know what to do. You, you, you either are digging in and don't wanna do it, or you need permission to do it, or you know the time is now because there's something inside of you that knows there's more out there for you and you're worth it. That's what you do know.

Amber: So I am thinking right now as we're talking, I am on the diving board above a swimming pool.

Looking into the swimming pool. Wanting so bad to do to jump off, but I can't. Right, and you're proverbially behind me. Ready to shove me in. Yeah, because once I get there, I'm right. And I swim and I like it, but it's just somebody bumping me in or giving me the valid. And like, yes, you need to do this .

Kim Gravel: Well, I'm not getting ready to shove you in. I've done shoved you in. You're on the fall, so you can either dive on in or I'm gonna have to throw you a lifeline because Amber, you know that now is your time. You know this? You're just calling here today to get that confirmation. And God is using me and zag in this situation to give you the confirmation cuz you can trust me.

Girl. I ain't going, I ain't gonna bull crap. You, I'm gonna keep it 100. because the world needs more of who you are in it. We need people like you.

And the enemy. Amber is trying everything he can do to silence, squash, defeat, destroy, distract, and de demean. People like you.

Don't let him do it. Don't let him do it, girl. Don't give him that satisfaction. It's time for you to be that jerk that you can be to what? This, the enemy and this bull crap that is going on. I can see that because it ain't true. It's hashtag lies. It's hashtag trying to get you from what you are called and meant to do and be.

And that is to be a mother, and that is to be in madly impassionately in love with somebody. They, if you want it now, if you don't want it, hey. I don't have it, but if you want that, I got cold chills when I said that. So something's to that. Then go for it. It's time.

Amber: Well, so here's, you're asking about like steps.

What are you gonna do? Okay, so tomorrow I have surgery, for my epilepsy. My neurologist said, please don't get pregnant until after this. Then, you can do whatever. Whatever you want. So I've been kind of keeping tomorrow, okay, like that's all bets are off after that.

Kim Gravel: So tomorrow I want you to go into your surgery, which we're all praying for.

I'm just gonna say right now. Thank you. God, please protect Amber and her surgery and make it so successful. Not only. For her health. But get let this be the mental shift and the emotional shift in the heart shift that she's looking for in your name. Amen. Amen. But I wont say this also to you am, Amber, let tomorrow be where you start, where you are to be everything you're meant to be.

So after that surgery, I want you to email me, except, first of all, tell me how it goes. Cause I'll be worried to death and I'm, I'm gonna sit here and say prayers and know it's gonna be fantastic. But after the surgery, When you go into that hospital or outpatients, wherever you are, I want you to hug that nurse's neck.

I want you to tell someone, pray for me, girl, because I'm ready. This surgery's gonna be a game changer for me. I want you to start speaking life out of your mouth. About you to someone else instead of someone validating you, you're gonna speak it out and validate yourself to someone else. We're gonna flip that script,

Amber: and it's not just giving like words of encouragement to people.

Kim Gravel: You're speaking out, you're validating you to them. You look at that doctor, you look at that nurse tomorrow and say, this is a game changer for me. I'm gonna wake up from this and I'm gonna, I'm gonna start living my life. The and, and the fullness of it. No fear. No fear of rejection, no fear of what people think.

You're just gonna move forward and you can do it. You already know what to do. That's your first step though. If you can take that first step and put yourself out there on that, on that, on that line for people to say what they wanna say, reject you. If they wanna reject you, love you. If they wanna love you.

But I guarantee you they gonna love you. I bet you a dollar to a donut. I bet you of a thousand dollars right now. If you will do that, you will see it cuz you are a leader.

Amber: Okay. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do it.

Kim Gravel: You're waiting for other people to lead you. You waiting for other people to lead you and you a leader.

That's why you're frustrated. You ain't a follower.

Amber: Yes, you're right. You're, you're very much right. I don't think I've given myself a lot of practice in, in this.

Kim Gravel: Tomorrow is going to be, you're getting ready to re you're jumping off a cliff, not a hot dive. I mean, I think you're jumping off a long cliff and you're gonna hit that water and it's going to wake everything up in your life.

Amber: That's a very big breath of fresh air.

Kim Gravel: I mean, I'm telling you, I've had that done to me though, Amber, I've had, I've had been very fortunate to have some really, really honest people in my life. And what I'm telling you is honest truth. You know, we are always so hard on each other. We're hard on our children, we're hard on our friends.

We're, we're hard on each other on social media. Everything is so negative. But all of that is. We are all so broken and messed up. No one has it together more than anybody else. It's just, it cracks me up. Cause people are like, I'm this. I'm like, no you ain't. You just like the rest of us out here.

We're all a squirrel trying to get a nut. We're all just trying to get by and what happens is we stop living the superpower, the thing that God put us here to do. We stop living that calling. Yes. But that's what the enemy wants. He knows he can't kill us. Stop us, hurt us. We only do that to ourselves.

You know. I know, I know. You know what I'm talking about.

Amber: You're right. Tell me if I'm wrong, but while I'm doing that for me, I can use the fact that this is going to help other people as a motivator.

Kim Gravel: There's nothing that helps people more than you being loving and walking in your authentic.

 Say this to all the people in sports like sports and I don't get my shine. Young athletes I work with and they're like, well, I've gotta be the best and this guy's the best. I'm like, Nope. No, you don't have to be the best. You have to be your best. Life is about teamwork. But if, if, if Jack is trying to be like Joseph, then we all lose.

 Jack and Joseph need to work together on the team. He's got his thing he's good at. He might be a clutch player, he might be a shooter, and they work together to win that game. So if you're not showing up Amber as, as that empowered, confident person that God called you to be. Then everybody else on your team ain't optimum.

They're not operating what I'm, I'm telling you, it's the truth now, but people don't wanna hear the truth. They all want to be the best, or number one. This is, there's always somebody better than us or worse than us or whatever, but not really because they're just being themselves. I always say this, they ain't nobody on this planet that can encourage people better than me.

They might can do it as good as me. Or different than I, but not like I can do it. And that's not being cocky and that's not being comparative. Right. That's just, I know that that's my gift and call and baby, you can't take that from me. Come hell or high water, that's who I am. Now, you might say, oh, I don't like how she does it.

And she's, she's, you know, she's not as cute doing it, or she's too old, or she's too fat, or she's too thin. You can say all that and that might be the truth, but you can't do that better than me. Because there's nobody can do it like me.

Amber: Okay. So me encouraging myself, me being good to me, me. Me coaching me helps other people. That blows my mind.

Kim Gravel: It's big.

Amber: Good job, best friend.

Kim Gravel: Good job. Best. Okay, so this is your homework. tomorrow you're going to hug somebody. You're gonna put yourself out there. Emotion. You're gonna do it with absolute confidence and regardless of what they say or do, you are going to be amber in that way. You know, inside, you're sitting here hugging 'em, you're gonna actually do it, physically do it.

You're gonna encourage them by encouraging yourself, okay? And then you're going to start planning. You're gonna move forward with being a mother. Dating all of it. Do it all. Do it all, and God will open or shut the doors. He is in complete control, but all you're gonna do is just take the next step. Don't listen to everybody else.

They don't understand you. You might, you, God might want you to adopt this baby in six or, or have this child and six months later bring you the man of your dreams, cuz that's what he wanted to do. You, you can't, you can't only, you know what's the best for you and he'll open that door. You're a believer.

He'll open that door. He'll, he'll guide you, but you take the steps forward. Don't be. Don't do the what ifs. Cuz don't worry about it cuz he'll shut it down and you'll know it.

Amber: I'm excited. I'm excited. I'm a little nervous, but I'm very excited to

Kim Gravel: because when you add motherhood to it, that's a whole nother can of worms.

Like, you really gotta be who you are to be a mom. Think about that.

Amber: So to be what I need to be for my child, I have to be what I need to be for me.

Kim Gravel: You gotta be absolutely in love with yourself and you've got to be absolutely knowing who you are and why you are here. \

 That was so like amazing. First of all, Amber has got it so together. She doesn't even know it. She just needs to walk in. I think Zac, that's the biggest thing about, I think. You can't really be insecure without knowing you should be secure. Do you know, does that make sense? Like you can't really be feel less than if you didn't know you were supposed to be more.

Zac Miller: Oh my gosh. Right? Amber's one of those people to me. It makes total sense. And it, and to me, it. If I met her right on the street, I would think like, oh, she's got it together. Like she's gotta figure it out. She does. If I met her as a nurse, she does nurse. Like she's got it together.

 You know, totally buttoned up. Like, but you know, I think this is a reminder that all of us need that extra something. Right? All of us are lacking something.

Kim Gravel: We are so external. We're looking to this, we're looking to that. We're looking at other people. We're looking at what they have. We're looking at material things.

We're looking at our phones, we're looking at a podcast. We're looking, we're always looking exterior. I'm serious. But really what we're saying on, on this show is it just is you gotta love yourself and, and people say, that's so selfish. It's so this. It's the most selfish thing you can do is to neglect yourself for the needs of others.

Because what's your motivation helping others is out of the overflow? Oh, man. And that's so hard. My mother, oh my gosh. Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa helped people out of her overflow. The love that she had for God and the love he had for her was so full and overflow. But that's how she could love others unconditionally cuz she had been loved unconditionally.

That's what I'm saying. We are thinking our self-sacrifice of who we are as a person to help someone else that is not noble, that is dumb.

You have to love you and you have to know that God loves you. And then from that you can give unconditionally to others. I'm telling you, it might not be popular and people might push back, but I'm telling you, it's the truth.

Zac Miller: That's a hard truth.

Kim Gravel: There's a scriptures because he first loved me, because he's first loved us, and what happens is when you don't love yourself, that means you are not accepting that unconditional love for yourself.

I'm telling you, Amber has got it going on. It's right there in the palm of her hand, and all she has to do is just take that first step and I, and she's ready for it. Or she wouldn't even call it in today.

Zac Miller: Well, let me say this. If you want to call into the show and yes, potentially get on the show, gimme a call, drop us an email. you can leave a message on our voicemail line. It is 4 0 4 9 1 3 6 4 6.

Kim Gravel: We love to hear from all of you and, and listen. We're always looking for new, best friends.

Zac Miller: You can be Kim's new best friend and then I'll just do it. Be like a friend of a friend.

Pull it up, pull it up.

Kim Gravel: Pull up the thingy, bangy bin.

Zac Miller: Can we just take a beat actually though? Cause I have to go to the bathroom. Can you gimme like take two minutes. Go to the potty Zac. I will go potty.

Kim Gravel: Did you just say you're friends with benefits? Hang up this podcast.

Zac Miller: Hang up the podcast. No, I said friend of a. Friend of benefit,

Kim Gravel: play the music. We need to go. It's, it's getting bad. We're getting bad.

Bye y'all.

The Kim Gravel Show is produced and edited by Zac Miller at Uncommon Audio. Our associate producer is Kathleen Grant, the Brunette Exec. Production help from Emily Bredin and Sarah Noto. Our cover art is designed by Sanaz Huber at Memarian Creative and Mike Kligerman Edits the show and a special thanks to the team at QVC.

Head over to thekimgravelshow.com and sign up for our mailing list. Again, we can't do this without you, so thank you for listening, and we love you.