Help! I Can't Set Healthy Boundaries | Hot Seat Coaching with Julie

*This transcript was auto-generated*

Kim Gravel: Coming up on the Kim Gravel show, everything in this world, just like gravity, how gravity is working on my boobs right now, as I'm sitting here talking to you, everything in the world is conspiring to drag you down and not have you operate in your calling.

Julie: You're giving me a new perspective of, of how to look at that.

My heart is like this big.

Opening Introduction: Let's just go on and spill the tea. This is The Kim Gravel Show. This is one of the realest persons I've ever met in my darn life. You gotta watch this. My mission is to encourage every single woman, we're here to lift y'all up. There's no one more effective than moms. You mess with the bull. You going to get the horns. I need coffee. I need Jesus and I need therapy. If you can bring a smile to people's faces, why would you not? We love our kids. We love our husbands. What a blessing. We're gonna dedicate this to you in finding your superpower. Okay girl. True confidence is knowing who you are and why you're here.

Kim Gravel: Hey y'all, this is Kim Gravel and this is the Kim Gravel Show, which is our podcast, comes out every week. And what we do here is we chit chat, paddywhack, give a dog a bone, get excited. Have you ever heard about that Zac? Have you ever heard of that? Nick, Nack, Patty, give a dog a bone.

Zac Miller: I started laughing so hard.

Cause I'm like flashing back into like kindergarten or something. Let me start like a dance to that.

Kim Gravel: Nick, Nack, Patty, give a dog a bone. This old man get, yeah, that's a nursery rhyme. But I say that because we talk about everything and anything with everybody. And I love it because you know, life is, you know, it's hard.

Yeah, God is good. People are crazy. So I mean, why not talk about it all? That's what we do here because we're always wanting you to level up your life. And if you get a little nugget from here, you know, and take it and apply it to your life. We, we throw down a lot of nuggets. We live a lot of breadcrumbs here in this show.

And today we got some big, we're going to be dropping it like it's hot today. We have got hot seat coaching happening with the lovely Julie. She, she, she entered a contest, Zac. She wanted, she wanted to talk with you and I and sit here and go through, some struggles that she's having with setting boundaries.

 With, finding her calling and having enough confidence to walk in it. So when we get back, we're going to do some hot seat coaching with Julie right after this.

Zac Miller: All right, Kim. Guess what? It is time for another review of reviews. So I'm going to read you a review that we got on the show. And I want you to review The review. Does that make sense? Did I say review too many times? Okay. No. No. Okay. Alright, so here it is. Okay. This review is written by Lisa, on September 16th, and she wrote, You nailed it, Kim!

This show is so inspiring, always uplifting and honest. It touches on topics that all of us face daily in our lives. Most people think celebrities have it so easy. Your show demonstrates how hard work and passion helps struggles we all face daily. Hoping we have more to come. Looking forward to what's next from Kim because I know it's coming.

Kim Gravel: Ha! Oh lord. Now I'm tired. I think it's a five star review and you know what, I completely agree with you. I think that we touch on subjects here with the Kim Gravel show that are just everyday real subjects. And y'all, we are in a crisis of confidence right now. People don't know why they're here and what they're up to.

When we say we're addressing issues during the show that connect with you. It's because everybody wants to know what they're supposed to be doing with their life. It's all in how you look at it. Thank y'all so much for reviewing and I give that star a five star because she's right. We do reach and talk about real topics that we can all relate to.

Zac Miller: So, and if you want to leave a review on the show, maybe we'll review yours. So head to our website, KimGravelShow.com review the show, we love it.

Kim Gravel: And can I just say this too, Zac, before we close this up? Of course. So many of our listeners are brilliant. They really are like people get it. People understand that this is not me just sitting here telling you what to do with your life. It's, it's a conversation. It's a community. So please let us know what you want to hear.

Let us know what you think about the show and get involved and be part of this Kim Gravel show community, because, we love you and, you bless me. As much as you tell me, we bless you. So we love you. Zac. I'm so excited about this episode and about our guest, Julie, who is on. She won a contest on my Instagram for a hot seat coaching session.

You know, along with some free cosmetics and clothing. Little bit of background about Julie before I bring her on. She's from upstate New York. Now this is a professional y'all she's worked in radio For 25 years, but she said it did not pay the bills. Hey, can I get a high five? That's doing what you love, but you you're not getting paid for it.

That's we got to fix that she currently works, in insurance she has It's a great story to tell. She says. She has a little trouble standing up for herself and setting boundaries. She's close to retirement. Although when you see her, you're not going to believe it. Shouldn't look at, she has no kids and has never been married and has no idea how to take the next steps.

 And figure out what she's called to do in this next season of her life. She's worried about missing out and holding herself back. And I can't believe it, but I think of a lot of us have been there or in there right now, Julie, welcome to hot seat coaching on the Kim Gravel show.

Julie: Thank you so much. I appreciate it.

It's a pleasure to be here. It's quite an honor.

Kim Gravel: Okay. Well, first of all, you're absolutely gorgeous. I can't, you know, thank you. And I'm going to quote my friend who says who's also never been married and doesn't have kids. And so she says. No husband, no kids, no wrinkles. That's her philosophy in life.

Julie: These are probably caused by my boss. Yeah, I'm sure they come from somewhere.

Kim Gravel: You don't have any wrinkles. You don't have any wrinkles. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Okay, Julie, you gotta tell us a little bit about yourself because you, just, and just reading all about you here, you are very transparent. Like you are a person I really admire in that.

Julie: Thank you so much. I, I am pretty much an open book, for better or for worse sometimes. But yes, I am. You know, I like to live life and get to know people. And I think sort of the best way to do that is to be as open as possible and, you know, just show that sort of human quality that we all have.

So it doesn't mean I'm not shy in certain areas. I remember telling someone once that I think from my years in radio, I could stand up in front of 10, 000 people and, you know, introduce a concert or something like that. Get me in a room of 10 people where you're right here. And it's, it's a little more daunting to me.

Kim Gravel: I know exactly how you feel because you know, talking one on one and connecting with people is a little bit different than speaking to people. I get that. What are you hoping to get out of this session today? I think I know, but I'd love to hear it from your perspective.

Julie: A few things. So like, I think that you, you preface it very well saying sort of, you know, I'm in, I'm at that stage where, you know, you're sort of thinking about the next steps and where this life is going to lead you.

And, you know, I certainly would like to think that I don't have one. foot in the grave, but I, you know, it's times a ticket and you know, there's none of us are getting out of here alive. So I want to make sure that I'm living like the fullest life that I can.

Kim Gravel: We're all marching to the same destination. Julie.

I hear you.

I hear you.

Julie: And so sort of, and, and making myself the best person as well. So it's just sort of some self reflection and figuring out like what I can work on with myself as well.

Kim Gravel: So do you feel like you, you know what you're calling is. I mean, because I will say this while you're thinking that through, because that's a big question.

 A lot of women and people think, you know, it's their family or their marriage or their children or their career. So I don't believe that's our calling. I believe that's things we do and operate. Our calling, you know, we're acting in our calling, doing those things. Do you know what yours is?

Julie: I have not a clue.

I could take a guess, but I don't know. It would be a very broad guest. Guess rather. I... I do know that I love to serve people. I have worked in whether serving in entertainment, being on the radio or serving in customer service with the job that I have now. And sort of serving my family, being, you know, the helpful one.

Kim Gravel: Now, what do you mean serve? What does that mean? When you mean serve, talk to me about some practical applications where that shows up in your life.

Julie: Oh, gosh. So right now, obviously, literally customer service is my job, and that's what I enjoy doing. I enjoy helping other people. Okay. I have a part time job where I also do the same thing, but that is where I find the most joy for myself is being able to help others in some capacity.

And that's a very broad term.

Kim Gravel: No, I get it. I get it. No, we're drilling down. This is fun. I love this. This is what, because I love to really hear what makes people tick, you know, and what makes them, you know, feel alive. So when you're saying helping, what does that look like in a real practical sense? Like, give me a scenario where you just were in a servant mode.

Julie: So for example, my nephew was going through a hard time when he was a senior in high school, getting ready to go to college. He was coming to college near me. And was going through a very transitional time in sort of his own immediate family. And I... Found myself being called to like support him. So I sort of took on that role of, you know, every other weekend when I got paid, I would pick him up from school and give him a homemade meal and take him to, you know, target or wherever and buy him what he needed.

And. We would talk out what he was going through and then sort of send him on his way or, you know, even now in insurance, my favorite thing to, is especially like more elderly clients who, who sort of need the time and, and handholding to, to, you know, just explain the process of thrilling process of insurance.

Kim Gravel: Well, okay. So, so what we're doing now is, is what I call identifying the calling. And, and that is where. You can ask yourself questions, Julie, and everybody listening and really go through the process of drilling down to a handful of, words, what your calling is. So I don't know if serving is your calling just by some of the questions I'm asking you.

And I want to continue if you're cool with it, continue on asking you some questions because, not that serving is not something you do and that's how it plays out. You know, a lot of times, but I think I just, I have a hint, I have a hint. It might be a little bit more, so we're just going to go, we're just going to drill down a little bit more.

So when, give me some other incidences when you feel like we're going to use the word serving for a lack of a better word, Julie, when you have served others. I love what you said, even with helping the elderly. Answer questions about insurance. What does that look like?

Julie: So, you know, insurance is boring as all get out.

It just happens to pay my bills.

Kim Gravel: Right. Well, I mean, we all have to have it. It's a necessary.

Julie: Yeah. And nobody sits down and reads their policy book when it comes in the mail or whatever.

Zac Miller: You guys don't read those? I love them.

Julie: That's my favorite. You have it highlighted, I'm sure, for the best part. So, it's, to me, it's more about, like, hand holding and just sort of speaking to someone in terms that they understand.

Like, I get it. Having an accident is scary. And you don't know, like you don't know what you don't know, right? So, saying this is how, this is what I need from you. This is how it's going to play out. This is what this handles. And if it doesn't, then here's the next step. And it's just sort of, speaking to them in terms that, you know, the average person would understand.

 And just sort of taking the time. Cause. I think with, there's something about my elderly clients that I love because it's just really a conversation. I have one woman who still calls me every day because she's like, you're like my daughter. I just like talking to you. And I said, Oh, you're like my favorite customer, so I'll talk to you anytime.

She's very sweet. So it's, it's that sort of thing, but there's just sort of a, I don't, I don't want to say companionship, but, but that's what it feels like.

Kim Gravel: Okay. Yeah. What do you think some of your best qualities are?

Julie: I am very laid back and very easy going. I've been told I'm very easy to talk to.

 I like to do everything with sort of a sense of humor as well. And I just sort of think that I'm relatable. I just let people be, even in my friendships or, or, family members. I just want people to be who they are. I, I always say I love everybody. So I'm. I think that's probably one of my best qualities.

Kim Gravel: What really, what do you enjoy doing like on your free time? Like if you met a stranger at the grocery store, give me some scenarios, the things that you just, you enjoy doing, that is not work related or things that you have to do. And how do you operate in those moments?

Julie: Yes. The, the things that I would always wish to have more time to do is, travel concerts, even just spending time with like friends and family, you don't like open up a glass of wine and let's have some girl time.

 Those are probably my most favorite things.

Kim Gravel: Give me a scenario when you were doing. You're serving in those times where you're having, you know, your most joyful times.

Julie: I'll be honest with you. I'm not sure that I can think of one. I don't think that they, I, I, I can't consciously think of. Of a time when they came together, and I don't know if that's because I sort of self consciously don't really...

Yeah, and I together. I'm thinking maybe I just don't recognize that I do them together.

Kim Gravel: Correct, because we take it for granted and it comes very, very easy. Right. So that's what happens with, with calling. We don't, it's right in front of our nose and we don't even know it's there because it comes so easy.

So now you're like, that's it? This? Oh my God, yeah, that's it. You know, it's almost like a... It's, you know, it's, it's been there all along and you haven't just recognized it. So let's talk through so that you can have a few little, one, a few of those moments.

Julie: The, the only, the one that sort of springs to mind now, and you're right.

I take this, for granted because it's just sort of like, what else would I do? Like there's no, there's no second option is so for, about 10 years, I worked for my best friend who is a wedding planner. And so we did a wedding in Mexico, just the two of us and yeah, it was beautiful. It was, it was amazing, but she had a kidney stone and about, she was hospitalized about two days before we were supposed to leave.

 And I had not met this couple. I knew nothing about where we were going, anything about the wedding planning, anything. It was just in this binder. And I just thought, Holy moly, I, this binder is going to be my Bible. If I have to go by myself and, and execute this, you know, somebody's wedding, which is.

The most important day of their life. Luckily she made it there, but it was a lot of sort of like caretaking of this couple and this wedding party, which we had done, you know, a million times, but also taking care of. Her when you know, she's When I wake up on the day that we're supposed to you know To do this wedding and she's heavy breathing over there because she's got the you know, she's in pain or or whatever So just there's nothing like a kidney stone.

Holy moly. I just kept saying like please wait until we're back Like so I can drive you home. I can't, can we just get into Miami or wherever we're flying into when I'll drive, it doesn't matter, but yeah, we made it, but it was just sort of that instance of, I just sort of kick into a, like taking care of everything mode and I have, since I was a teenager, when, when crisis or when something else happens where people need help, I shut out everything else.

I turn to them and then I have my breakdown like two weeks later. Like if it, you know, I, I turn into helping, helping, and then I deal with my own stuff.

Kim Gravel: I can't believe you used the actual word that I was thinking you use the word crisis. Is there been a lot of situations where you are good in crisis situations and can instruct and stay calm and leave in those moments?

Okay. That's what I thought. Here we go. Here it is. So go for it.

Julie: The day and I know exactly when it happened to was, my, so when I was a senior in high school, my parents took my grandparents to Bermuda on vacation and my father ended up passing away in Bermuda unexpectedly. And my mom came home and was falling.

I was the only, child still at home. My, my brother and sister were older, and she was falling apart and my thing was that she just needed. Me to, to support her, to comfort her, to help her figure out stuff. And so it turned into me sort of caretaking, until she could get her legs under her. And then I had my meltdown, you know, like six months later.

Kim Gravel: Right. I want to tell you a lot of times when people tell me that their gift is helping or in service to others, nine times out of 10, it is people who are good with crisis. situations. And I'm not saying you are a crisis manager. I'm just saying that would be a good role for you to play in somewhere in your house.

But it's more of a, it's not a helper. It's not a servant. I'll tell you why. Because when people say I'm a servant, I have a service heart. I'm a helper heart. Everyone's calling is in service. Right. Okay. Yeah. So we get those two things confused a lot, and I'm, I'm just speaking from my own personal experience because everybody operating in their calling are, are, are servants.

Okay, because you're calling is an act of service to the world, your world, your community, wherever you are, right? So, but what I keep hearing you saying is you're such a good, are you a good detailed person to your detail oriented?

Julie: Yes. Oh, God. Yes. Oh, God. Yes. Yeah.

Kim Gravel: Just, I mean, seriously, are you just, can you dot every, I draw it every T you're thinking about the whole thing.

Okay. You are that. I wouldn't even say teacher. I would say more of. Instructor, a person who gets the job done. The beautiful thing about you though, is, is that you have a, Oh gosh, Julie, when I'm talking to you, I just want to go, Oh, tell me girl, like there is a calmness about you.

Julie: So that makes my heart feel happy.

So thank you.

Kim Gravel: Cause I'm an uptight person. I'm always on 10. Or 11 and I'm always like, and I just want to go...

Julie: Yes.

Kim Gravel: So that tells me you bring calm instruction, since you don't have family and kids. Do you feel like that your life has been selfish? Cause that goes hand in hand with what I'm saying.

Saying about your colleague too.

Julie: Right. So, you know, selfish is a word that, that sort of gets thrown around a lot. It does, and I'm very conscious of being, of not being selfish, but that's, that is very difficult because I'm not married, I don't have children. I don't even have a roommate or a cat or you know, anything.

And I don't, um. Everything I do is selfish. It's, it's, everything starts and finishes with me.

Kim Gravel: Do you think that way often, by any chance?

Julie: I do, and to my detriment sometimes, my mom will say, my mom is, is the loveliest woman. If I could be half like her, I'd, I'd be winning in life. She's amazing. She will say that she taught her children to everything you do, think about how it affects others.

So every action you do, everything you say, think about how others, like, will respond to that. So be kind with your words and your actions and all that. And, but she said that she almost wishes that she hadn't taught us that because she has seen in instances where all of us have been sort of taken advantage of in that way of just giving, giving, giving and not, and, and the thing I'm working on.

Not putting up boundaries or not saying no sometimes when you can or just sort of giving too much when you're not getting enough back.

Kim Gravel: Right. Well, and I will tell you when we don't know what we're called to do and we are not moving in that calling, we'll say yes to pretty much everything, right? We're always looking at it from a perspective of what we can't do.

When you know you're calling, you look at it from a perspective of what I Can do and what I should do like, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's not that you're saying no to something is that it just doesn't fit in the season or the call of your life. What kills me is you're sitting here operating, you're calling instructing Zac and I, and everybody listened what to do. You just told it. It's so funny how people's like, Kim, I don't understand how you can point out. I mean, you, you are a calm instructor. You are a person. You are that person that when the sky is falling, you want a Julie there. You got to have her.

Yeah.

And that makes sense to why you're so good on radio.

Cause you keep it, you keep it. You keep it going. You just, you're the furnace. You're the coal in the furnace that keep, you're that part, am I right or wrong?

Julie: You know, you're true. That's true. That's true. And I'm very like we in radio and, and you know, from being on television, you have to be quick, right?

Like I'm very quick witted, you know, organized and organized. And organized. Right. Yeah. Sometimes I have the sense of humor of like a 14 year old boy. So sometimes that quick witted gets me in trouble a little bit, but like it's you, you have to keep it moving. I just want to make sure that I'm not the only one taking care of everybody else and everything else without taking care of myself as well.

Kim Gravel: Right. But you do understand Julie with your calling. Okay. And we could really probably drill it down to a hand, just two words. If we really just worked on, we don't have time for that, but I hope this is pointed you in the right direction. You do understand why people always come to you.

Julie: Oh, for sure. For sure.

Kim Gravel: Okay. Yeah. And, and, and, and everybody listening when, when someone is asking you if something, so it's really not that you can't set boundaries. You just so daggone good at what you do. Yeah. That people want to, that's smart of them to go to somebody who knows how to get it done. Would you agree with that?

Julie: I would. Yes. Yes. And I want to, and I, and I want to make sure that when people, if people come to me, when people come to me, friends, neighbors, countrymen, at the grocery store, anybody, right. That in the time that we're living in, that it's just done with like a kind heart and well, I can't promise you that, right.

Kim Gravel: But I'm not saying you should be, be everyone's, you know. Instructor. I'm not saying that or, or, or, you know, I'm not saying you have to do everything. Everybody asks of you. I will tell you, it's time for you to instruct yourself a little bit.

Julie: Cause I'm exhausted helping everybody.

Kim Gravel: Yeah. Cause really, when you say, I feel like I've lived a selfish life. You really haven't. You've really been, you've really been operating in your calling in a very, masked way. Yeah, yeah. Everything in this world, just like in this world, just like gravity, how gravity is working on my boobs right now as I'm sitting here talking to you and my double chin.

Every, everything in the world, and we call it evil, call it whatever you want to call it, is conspiring to drag you down and not have you operate in your calling. So, aging, health. Running through McDonald's drive through what all the stuff that we deal with in our life that's convenient and easy is always trying to drag us down and out of our calling.

We have to protect it. So it's not taken advantage of. It's not being used up. It's not being distorted. It's not being, used in places like I, cause everybody said, Oh, well, you know, people, I, my son is like, well, just give me, just give me 50. I'm gonna run down. You got it. I said, yeah, I got 50. Sure do.

Well, just give it to me. My mom will run down there. But if I give him that 50 and he hasn't earned it and it just comes to him naturally, he, he's not going to be better for it. And I'm going to be out my 50 bucks. That's what we do with our calling. We almost, we almost cheapen it. Cause we give it out too freely and to everyone because it comes so easy to us.

Julie: Right, right, right.

Kim Gravel: You got to hold that calling like it is the most precious thing that you've ever been given in your entire life. Because you got a big one girl.

Julie: Thank you. You're giving me a, a new perspective of, of how to look at that, which I very much appreciate.

Kim Gravel: What do you mean? What do you mean?

Julie: That it is, that it's like, it's just because I have it doesn't mean I have to give it to

Kim Gravel: everybody. Woo! Just, just, right. Woo! Say that again, Julie. You are so brilliant, girl. There's your book. There is your book.

Julie: Just because I have it doesn't mean I have to give it to everyone.

Kim Gravel: That isn't anything. Girl, that's sexual relationships.

Girl, don't make me go there. Girl, you just said a mouthful. This is your mantra. This is your testimony. You don't even know what you just said. You don't even know how it's connected. That's in sexual relationships. That's with money. That's with your time. That's with your, that's with your mind, what we're scrolling and looking at on Instagram, just, just, Oh, say it one more time for those in the back that didn't hear it.

Julie: Just because I have it doesn't mean I have to give it to everyone.

Kim Gravel: That is so good. That is. That's you. You just said that. Yeah. Dang. Okay. We got to go to a quick commercial break because that, that needs a moment to breathe. We'll be right back with more Julie and we'll go, we'll go dig this out of her. She just wrote her book right here on The Kim Gravel Show.

We're back with Julie. We're talking about calling. We're talking about the season of her life. Just to recap real quick, Julie's never been married. She doesn't have kids. She's very successful. She's a new yorker. I love me some new yorkers. And she's just made a brilliant statement that just spoke to me minister to me.

She said, just because I have it doesn't mean I have to give it to everybody. And can I just say, we can take that and plug that in to so much, so many things in our life, like just, you know, because people will take advantage of the fact that, that you can do it.

Julie: Oh, for sure. And you, and you put it so nicely in that you said it cheapens it, which it really does.

That's when, that's when doing things for others doesn't, starts to not feel good. Right? Julie, Kim, you're giving me a whole new way of looking at it. And I, my heart is like this big.

Kim Gravel: When you, when you pour out to people, instruct people in a calm way. And you're taking that time. And what I mean by calm, you, when I'm not even saying the word patience, not the right word, you're calm.

So you can, you're looking at it from a different. Angle and perspective. And so let me ask you this, Julie. So when you're doing that for people with people and they're getting it, and then they take the ball and start jogging themselves, does that make you feel good?

Julie: Oh, it makes me feel great. Of course.

Kim Gravel: Yeah. Right. So when you don't feel the joy of that is when people. Don't get it and start taking advantage, right?

Julie: It's that effector of, yeah, this doesn't feel, this feels icky.

Kim Gravel: So that's when you got to say, no, I'm pretty much not going to do that. Yeah. Okay. So are you dating someone now? I am. Yes. Ooh, do tell.

Julie: We've been dating off and on for about four years. He lives about, he does not live near me. So that's the difficult part. He's a couple hours away, but yeah, he's a good guy. He's, I'd say that he's one of my, he's one of my favorite people on the planet, but more importantly, he's one of the best men that I know.

Kim Gravel: So you're already attracting to yourself what you need. You're already operating in your calling. You really know what it is. You just. Would you say took it for granted?

Julie: I would, or I'd say that I just, you know, because it feels good to, like you said before, it's, it feels good when people get it.

Right. So, but I think I may, we was associating it to just like, it feels good to give it. So I just give it to everybody. Right. So, and, um. Now I'm realizing that what the feel good part is when they get it and, and, appreciate it or, not just giving the giving part is not always the best part. It's that, it's that con there's a connection that comes if I am, if I am giving something to you and you are getting it and then I can, you know, you can sort of, like you said, go on your own.

Kim Gravel: Yeah. Well, that's a give back to you. That is, that's a validation that what you're called to do is working and it's helping and it's, it's serving. Like you said, that that calling serves people, but when people are not, they don't reciprocate by validating that, that's where we get exhausted. What is at least one thing that you have been putting off?

 That you know, you should be doing for yourself with yourself or in your calling that you've just been playing it safe. In the comfort zone.

Julie: So one is, asking what I want for in my romantic relationship.

Kim Gravel: Okay. What's that? What do you want? What do you want? Maybe he's listening.

Julie: Zac just leaned in real close.

He's like, this is good stuff. I would like more of a commitment. That's it.

Kim Gravel: And are you afraid to ask?

Julie: A thousand percent, 10, 000 percent? Why? Because I had asked for it before with the same person and there was sort of no answer, which to me was the answer. And so, and then, you know, that was, that was many years ago and we're still together and I feel like our relationship has changed and progressed, but we haven't gone back to that same conversation.

Kim Gravel: Do you really want him or do you want the one relationship?

Julie: I really want the one relationship with him.

Kim Gravel: Are you willing to walk away and leave the with him part for the one relationship?

Julie: Oh, that feels like a knife right there. I, it's not something that I, I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about that.

 I, the door is open this much to that. I, it's, if I had to I would, I, I don't feel like I'm ready for that just yet, but the idea is not foreign to me.

Kim Gravel: So you know the answer, right? What's the answer?

Julie: That I want the relationship.

Kim Gravel: Yeah. Yeah. And you're afraid he, he won't give you that.

Julie: Correct. Correct.

Kim Gravel: So you know what you gotta do? You know what you gotta do?

Julie: Yeah. Yeah.

Kim Gravel: There's so much more for you, Julie. And the fact that you are uncomfortable, and this is it. You can't unlearn what you've learned. You can't not know what, you know, right. I said that all the time with COVID when we know what we know.

So we can't go back. Like when people like in business and, and you know, this and, and, and life, and when you know what you can do. Like virtually shopping all that we know we can, we can buy a certain different kind of way and we can do things virtually a different way. We can't know that right. You can never go back to just having full on, you know, people just going to stores all the time.

It's never going to happen again. You already know what you got to do and you can't know that. So now it's just, you're putting it off because you deserve it. You deserve the relationship of your dreams. You deserve it. You deserve to be in it.

Julie: That is not something that I tell myself very often.

So that is something to yes to keep on repeat.

Kim Gravel: And are you afraid that that he'll say well, no, thank you.

Julie: Of course. Yeah, and what if he did crap?

If he did then I Would have no other option than to say, that's it. No, that I, I just, it's a, that's a deep, that is what I feel like I am too chicken to do, but I, I know that the conversation has to come.

Kim Gravel: Right.

And where is the fear coming from, do you know?

Julie: Well. I think it's just a general fear of like, like I said, I've never been married. I've never had kids. I don't, you know, and personal relationships when you get rejected, you know, it makes you feel horrible about yourself. And so I don't want any more of that self talk.

I have a difficult time with positive self talk with myself in that area anyway. And so I don't want to. Perpetuated by putting me myself in that situation, but I know I deserve more than I'm getting. I just don't know how to ask for it. Or, you know, the hope would be that if I actually bring it up to him that he would step up and say, you're right.

 But I don't know that that's going to happen.

Kim Gravel: So if you were instructing someone else in this situation. If you were operating in your calling, serving someone else in this situation, what would you tell her?

Julie: I would tell her to find a way to bring it up. Find a way that feels good to bring it up. And the outcome is what the outcome is.

There's sort of, even, even the hard, you, you know, you only learn from the bad things that happen, right? So, that's where the biggest lessons are. So, if there's a lesson to be learned, that's how I have to look at it. You know, I've been in relationships before that have broken up and, and I, I only have to look at them as lessons.

 I don't necessarily want to learn a lesson with this one. I would like to learn the lesson of you should have just asked for it before and look where it could have gotten you. But, I just have to be ready for whatever the outcome is going to be.

Kim Gravel: I can't even talk to you, girl. You're so good. You're sitting here, you're sitting here and you're calling, telling yourself what to do.

And it is better than anything anybody could ever tell anybody. I just had to stop her, Zac. I'm like, daggone.

Zac Miller: Well, but doing it's hard though, Kim. Knowing what to do is easy, doing it's hard, right?

Kim Gravel: But what I'm saying is, she's sitting here operating in her calling, telling herself what to do in a situation.

Oh my God, this girl is fantastic. I love her.

Julie: I'm going to have you and Zac on speed dial in case it all goes wrong.

Kim Gravel: It's not going to go wrong. It's going to go right. And can I make a suggestion? If just, I mean, and look, look, I don't know my butt from the hole in the ground 98 percent of the time, but the great thing about my calling is I know I can recognize. The potential, the greatness, and the best in other people. I always say that. I mean, there's nobody that can do that better than me. They might can do it just as good as me, but they can't do it better than me. Because I know that's what I'm made to do.

And so I'm sitting here listening to you talk, and I'm thinking, My gosh, this, this is so, Use your calling on this gentleman. You will draw him right on in. And look, if he is not for you, then so be it. But can I just tell y'all something? Can I just tell y'all something? It's an old song, if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you with.

And I'm gonna tell you something. We get hung up, we romanticize, we fantasize, we, you know, rom com these love stories to death. There's something to be said about good people and great relationships that can have great conversation and make educated, instructed decisions.

Julie: That is romance to me. Like I would love that.

That is the romantic part, right? Of being able to sit down with your partner and have like in depth conversations about how each of you are feeling. Isn't that where the gold is?

Kim Gravel: I don't know, you instructed me, I agree with you a thousand percent. No, you've got to do it. You've got to do it. You've got to do it.

Lead him to water. Stick his head in it. Make him drink, girl. This is what you're good at. Stick inside of it. You know what I mean by that?

Julie: Yeah.

Kim Gravel: Julie, you got to come back on and keep me posted. So I would love to, what are you doing? When are you gonna do it and how are you gonna do it?

Julie: If I, oh lord. I literally am seeing him in two days.

So this is a lot of pressure, Kim .

Kim Gravel: Yeah, certainly. And do and do it in the Julie calling kind of way. Do it. Just take that hand and because you honestly. Never be afraid to step into that, Julie, because you, I can just tell by your countenance that this is what you're made to do. You are, you are calming, people trust you, you know, and, and setting boundaries is great, but just, Just don't cheap out that call and step into it boldly.

We'll do. All right, Julie, I love you, girl. Come back and be with us. Keep us posted.

Julie: I will.

Kim Gravel: You know what, Zac? Julie was amazing. It never ceases to amaze me with just asking the right questions with people, how they already have the answers and the solutions inside themselves. It's never like we, we think we have to go externally and learn. Something which we do. I mean, we're all growing and learning, but we always think that everything that we want in our lives are outside of who we are and really they're already in us.

We have to mine and dig down deep within to get those things. That's what I've learned. And you know, it's like I said this all the time. Y'all, I'm not that right. Okay, I'm not. I'm not a counselor. I'm not a person. Not that I think counselors are all that bright either. I'm just saying, I don't, I'm just a human being that has done some of this work in my life to get some results out of the calling is everything.

Well, you know, outside of, you know, my faith and everything that is, it's the most important thing. It's the most important thing you can find out for yourself. It's the most important thing you can help your children or grandchildren figure out what that is. That is, it's truly a game changer in your life.

Zac Miller: A million percent. And here's the thing about that, that you did in this session with Julie, that I always is like the thing to me that I'm like, Oh my gosh, this is so powerful, which is like you asked her to act like she was her own friend. Like give yourself the advice as if you were talking to someone else because it's so much easier to give advice to someone else than it is to give advice to ourselves.

Why is that, Kim?

Kim Gravel: It's so much easier to believe in somebody else more than you can believe in yourself because. Because it's self sabotage, Zac. It's, it's, we're, we're not conditioned and we're not innately think we're great. Y'all, it's because we have a God void. We know there's something missing. Yeah.

First of all, that we're trying to fill, but what I'm telling you is. There's not anything missing. There's not. Life is hard, God is good, and people are crazy. All of us. There's none of us that have it together. But you know what you need to do inside. You know, I can't tell you what your calling is. You know it already.

All I can do is just ask Julie the questions to get her there. That's all I know to do.

Zac Miller: And that's all you need to do, like, if you're, ask yourself the questions. Right. How is that? Is that as simple as that to some extent?

Kim Gravel: Simple as that. It is. You already know. She already knew. You know, she thought she was a servant.

Your calling is an act of service.

So that's why it feels like you're, you know, when you're in your calling, you feel like you're giving to others. You're helping them. That's why people think it's to help others. I got my calls to help others. Now that's what you're calling does. When you operate in it, you're just naturally helping people because that's what we're put on this earth to do.

When you're in a place where like Julie is, where she feels a little stuck or a little fearful of moving or taking the next step, always go back to what you're called to do. Okay? Operate in that space. You might have to do it afraid and step out, but I promise you When you do it, when you do the thing you've been putting off that you know you're supposed to be doing, when you ask for what you want or what you desire, regardless of what the response is, you'll be okay.

And let me say something, please do not not take that step. Is that right, Zac? Don't hesitate in taking the step because of what you think. The outcome is going to be. Listen to that. Don't not make the move or take the step because you're afraid of what the outcome might be. I don't like those odds.

Gamble a little bit.

Take a chance on yourself a little bit. There's nobody knows you more like than you. There's nobody knows you like you know you. The only other person, the only other entity is the God. He knows you the best. And then you are second, you know yourself, take a shot and take a chance on you. What have you got to lose?

But I can guarantee you if you don't take the shot. You don't shoot your shot. You don't take that step. You got everything to lose. Till next time, you know, be like Julie. She gonna take that step. We gonna hear if she took it. And, and do it. Do it afraid. And do it boldly in confidence. I love you so much.

Until next time, I'm Kim.

Zac Miller: I'm Zac.

Kim Gravel: Bye, y'all.

Now, Zac, I can't see the iPad.

Zac Miller: Is it on?

Kim Gravel: Well, let's see.

Zac Miller: Step one. Is it on?

Kim Gravel: Step one. Turn on the iPad.

Zac Miller: Riverside. Baptism in the Church of Julie.

Kim Gravel: We're tighter than two ticks. You know, on a Junebug, or we're tied two ticks, we're tighter than, we're tighter than two ticks on a gray, no, hold on, hold on.

I say this all the time, God is good, no, what, what did I say?

The Kim Gravel Show is produced and edited by Zac Miller at Uncommon Audio. Our associate producer is Kathleen Grant, the Brunette Exec. Production help from Emily Bredin and Sara Noto.

Our cover art is designed by Sanaz Huber at Memarian Creative and Mike Kligerman Edits the show and a special thanks to the team at QVC. Head over to kimgravelshow.com and sign up for our mailing list. Again, we can't do this without you, so thank you for listening, and we love you.