Henry David Thoreau said, “It’s not what you look at that matters. It is what you see.”
In a recent episode on the Kim Gravel Show, How to Know a Good Thing When You See It, Kim discussed the importance of paying attention to your perception of every situation.
“Perception,” she said. “It’s how you’re looking at it—it’s not what you’re looking at.”
With that in mind, she said, it’s important that we spend time each day moving out of our data-driven mindsets and into truly perceiving what’s around us. When we do, we see that we’re surrounded by good things. Even situations that seem “bad” or difficult have a lesson to teach us.
Kim started the podcast episode with the story of a recent evening when she “lost it” with her family.
Her two sons were in the middle basketball and soccer season, and her husband had some sort of spring fever. Meanwhile, Kim was in the middle of launching her Love Who You Are jewelry line. She was feeling stressed and overworked—at the end of her rope.
She got home at the end of a long day, takeout dinner in hand, and found out that one of her teenaged sons was doing his schoolwork but not turning it in (and therefore failing his classes). That discovery was the final straw.
Her exhaustion and stress came to a head in that moment. Feeling overworked and underappreciated, Kim threw the bag of dinner at the wall and announced she was getting her own apartment.
Shortly thereafter, her older teenaged son drove himself to soccer practice and had the audacity to text Kim and ask her if someone would pick up his car, fill it with gas, and bring it back to the practice for him.
She didn’t answer right away, and he sent another text asking if anyone had gotten his car, and then a third asking if he could order something from DoorDash since she threw their original dinner across the room—because he hadn’t eaten all day.
She texted him back, Are you a complete idiot? and declared her sons delusional.
Kim, like many others, is a wife, a working mom, and a caretaker. The logistics and the mental load of running a family, a household, and a business or job can be exhausting, and she was feeling like her family didn’t appreciate that: “They’re not recognizing how good they’ve got it.”
Then it hit her: due to her overwhelm and the feeling that her kids were taking advantage of her, Kim lost sight of how good she has it, too.
In our data driven world, we forget to actually perceive the beauty we’re experiencing. We get so used to seeing what’s around us that we sometimes stop noticing the wonder of it.
“Life needs to be perceived and then sensed,” Kim said. “To perceive is to attain that awareness or understanding when … your mind is computing data. You’ve got to become aware or conscious of what’s really going on.”
This is where that Henry David Thoreau quote comes in: “It’s not what you look at that matters. It’s what you see.”
Kim shared her practice for stepping back and taking the time to perceive—and appreciate—the beauty and all the good things around her.
She takes some quiet time out, mentally and physically, to engage all her senses.
Take a beat and look at something in your life. Choose something you’re not happy with, and you either want to change it or want to figure out what’s going on with it.
Stop what you’re doing and think about this problem. How did it come to be? What does it make you feel like? What do you see in it?
Kim explained that many of us find comfort in our problem. Changing our perception of the problem, and the trajectory, is difficult (or feels difficult).
But when we do change how we’re thinking about something, we begin seeing change. Rather than thinking of a situation as surmountable, if we begin looking at where we are succeeding, we recognize the good in it.
Do you know a good thing when you see it?
Change the way you’re looking at your life. See it with your heart.
The Kim Gravel Show is a top women’s lifestyle podcast where Kim shares her message of confidence and encouragement with a side of laughter and fun. The show features inspiring, topical conversations with thought leaders, CEOs, and celebrities tailored to give listeners the insight they need to help them discover their purpose, find their confidence, and love who they are. On each episode Kim tackles the topics that women care about in a way that will make you laugh, make you think, and help you see your life in a new, more positive way.
The Kim Gravel Show is a celebration of the stories that shape us. It's about laughing together and not taking ourselves too seriously. It's about the wisdom we've gathered and the hardships we've overcome. It's about looking at the woman you see in the mirror and remembering that she is beautiful inside and out. This is a show about remembering that no matter what you’ve been through you can love who you are right now.
Y’all, life is hard, but we can do it together.
