“I choose me.”
The words formed one of Jennie Garth’s lines in Beverly Hills, 90210, the iconic teen drama of the 1990s, and later, they became her mantra and her movement.
The renowned actress, who is also an author and executive producer—and recently founded her own clothing line, Me, which sells on QVC—joined Kim on The Kim Gravel Show, and shared some of her best tips for creating a love-yourself mindset so you can love others better, too.
When Jennie first uttered the line, “I choose me,” she said, “I didn’t even know the significance of what I was saying.” But, “later in life, after 50, I was looking big picture at things and thinking about where I’ve been and where I want to go, and I was kind of lost, and I didn’t know what was next. I decided to go back in order to go forward.”
“That line, that, ‘I choose me,’ that [my character] Kelly said in 1995, I think, was something that just kind of stuck with me my whole life.”
When she revisited the line, she had a realization: “I’ve been given this platform, this position in life to reach people, and I love connecting with people. I love helping people or changing the way they think. For me, that’s what it’s all about. So I was able to sort of pivot into this lane of getting this message out there, ‘I choose me,’ ad telling women that it’s okay to choose yourself.”
An important note about choosing yourself: it’s not selfish.
“We’re conditioned to believe that as women,” Kim said. “For women, not only do we have that innately, as mothers, as nurturers, to put ourselves on the back burner and put others before, but [in] society we’re conditioned that way, too.”
“I think you’re exactly right,” Jennie said. “We’re nurturers, we’re made to create life and keep it alive, like our babies. That is just in our DNA. And when you’re the head of a household, you fall into that role because it’s natural and you put everybody’s needs before your own.”
As Jennie raised her children, she happily put herself on the back burner and when it came to things she wanted to do, she thought, “I’ll get to that later.”
But, “After 50, you just come to this amazing place, and hopefully your kids are grown and you’re getting a little more time for yourself. But that’s when you start to reassess your priorities, and you have that liberty to put yourself into the mix.”
She acknowledged that a lot of people struggle with that concept, but said that if you start considering it, you’ll start to absorb the idea and you’ll begin to see opportunities for when to choose yourself in a particular moment, or how you can do something you want to do, something that’s beneficial for you, your self-care, and your self-love.
In the era of go, go, go, we often don’t take the time to care for ourselves (Jennie’s example: she realized one day that she’d forgotten to moisturize, she “turned into a lizard,” and she then locked herself in the bathroom to take a bath, use the loofah, moisturize, and “just take care of my own body and be so present in it and grateful for all the hard work it does.”
Kim pointed out that women are so busy these days, and so ambitious to create everything we want—relationships, motherhood, careers, travel plans—that “we don’t know how to sit in the moment.”
Jennie said she believes it’s possible to have both things: ambition and action and the things we need to replenish our bodies and spirits.
To dive in to how someone puts that concept into action, Kim talked about her thoughts when she first saw Jennie bringing her clothing brand, Me, onto QVC.
“I said, ‘Oh, this is gonna go. This girl’s gonna go.’”
Why? “You are 100,000 percent unapologetically yourself. You are like a cozy blanket I want to wrap myself in. You’re a soft place to land. Women need that.”
Kim asked Jennie to share her experience with realizing she had something to offer—a special message to share with other women, and Jennie said it all started with self-love.
As a younger woman in the entertainment industry, Jennie said, she was completely replaceable. She faced tons of competition and rejection, and felt that people didn’t take her voice seriously.
She learned to put her head down, do her job, and go home to where she felt comfortable.
“But now, after 50, I’ve realized I have spent this life gathering all this knowledge and wisdom and experience, and I have so much to say. I have so much to share. And I just said, ‘Guess what? You get a seat at the table. You are allowed to be heard.’ For me, it just opened me up to shifting my own perspective. It really does come back to loving who you are. Loving yourself.”
It can be hard to look in the mirror and say, “I love you,” Jennie said, “But if you can connect with that inner baby inside of you, that young girl that was struggling and not feeling heard and feeling like [a] pawn on [someone else’s] chessboard, and you can comfort her and guide her and say, ‘Look, we’re going to go a different direction now. I’ve got you and we’re going to do this together.’”
“For me, that was what I needed, was to love myself and be my own support, my own best friend, my own cheerleader, and do it anyway. Even in the face of fear or the face of looking foolish or the face of failure. I just don’t accept no for an answer for myself anymore.”
Jennie said she’s always just gone with the flow; she kind of fell into acting, then started having babies while still acting, and spent time “trying to be what people wanted me to be all the time, but at the same time, yearning to be home and taking care of my babies and being a homemaker, because that’s my thing. I would rather do that than anything.”
Still, for women still craving something more or different out of life, she emphasized focusing on gratitude for every step of the journey—things happen for a reason and unfold as they’re meant to.
As Jennie began to shift to her “I choose me” mentality, “once I decided to love myself enough to take risks and not take no for an answer, that’s when I became more in control of what I’m doing.”
And that, she hopes, is creating an impact. “I want my life to have mattered, and I want to have touched people or helped people or taught people, because that’s just in my DNA.”
“I just want women to get to know that it’s okay and it’s acceptable and it’s amazing to put yourself first, to have the mindset of loving yourself so that you can love others better.”
Jennie Garth is an iconic television actress best known for her role on 90210. Beyond acting, she is a passionate designer and DIY enthusiast, showcased in her HGTV series where she renovated a home for her family. An author and executive producer, Jennie has explored various entertainment avenues, including reality TV and podcasting. Recently, she launched a home décor line inspired by her TV legacy and she is developing her own brand. An advocate for heart health, Jennie supports multiple charitable organizations.
The Kim Gravel Show is a top women’s lifestyle podcast where Kim shares her message of confidence and encouragement with a side of laughter and fun. The show features inspiring, topical conversations with thought leaders, CEOs, and celebrities tailored to give listeners the insight they need to help them discover their purpose, find their confidence, and love who they are. On each episode Kim tackles the topics that women care about in a way that will make you laugh, make you think, and help you see your life in a new, more positive way.
The Kim Gravel Show is a celebration of the stories that shape us. It's about laughing together and not taking ourselves too seriously. It's about the wisdom we've gathered and the hardships we've overcome. It's about looking at the woman you see in the mirror and remembering that she is beautiful inside and out. This is a show about remembering that no matter what you’ve been through you can love who you are right now.
Y’all, life is hard, but we can do it together.
