Raising kids in today’s world is not for the faint of heart. Especially for those of us who know we’re raising future adults. To make matters more complicated, we’re bombarded with parenting advice, right? Everyone wants to share their tips for raising kids. So how do we know which tips work best?
Enter Psychiatrist, Child Development Expert, and parent Dr. Zabina Bhasin, who joined me on a recent episode of The Kim Gravel Show to talk about just that; she shared some of her best tips for raising adults, not kids. This is timeless advice you can trust, no matter how old your kids are, where you live, or how busy you are.
Dr. Zee learned as a young child that “We’re actually more similar than we’re different and our differences don’t separate us—they bring us together.”
That message became the foundation for her work professionally and in terms of her mission to create a sense of belonging for every child.
Dr. Zee was born to South Asian parents in Southern California. She has two brothers and as they grew up, their parents wanted to instill in them their culture, from food to religion to language. But when they left the house, they had to find a new identity.
Dr. Zee said she felt different. She was tall and brown, and she brought Indian food to school. She had long hair with oil in it and she had a big nose. Because of those differences, other children bullied her and her brothers—through elementary, middle school, high school, and beyond.
Her mother, an educator, came into Dr. Zee’s school to teach the other children about their family’s background, religion, and history … to illuminate the similarities between all people and highlight the differences in a way that she hoped would bring the children together (Dr. Zee ended up doing the same for her own daughter and her classmates later and eventually started a business out of that, offering kits to teach kids about different cultures).
While Dr. Zee dreamed of being the first woman in the NBA, her parents wanted her to be a doctor. Thanks to dyslexia, she struggled in school until seventh grade. Back then, she said, girls and women weren’t empowered in the same way boys were.
Thanks to the trauma and bullying, Dr. Zee knew she wanted to work with kids when she went into medicine. She decided to delve into psychiatry and found she was fascinated with how the child’s mind works.
Although she’s quick to point out that she’s a child expert, not a parenting expert, she shared these powerful gems with me during our conversation:
Learn how the child’s mind works. Adults are so different from children and youth, and it’s easy to forget that they’re also human beings that have emotions, thoughts, and minds of their own.
Listen to your children. Children need to be listened to. Dr. Zee said, “How many of us spend fifteen minutes? I don’t care what age these kids are—fifteen minutes.” Put down the phones, turn off distractions, and have a real conversation. We’re all busy. Many of us have to work. There are chores and activities and meals … but we must always make space and time to listen to our children.
“If you can spend five minutes meditating,” Dr. Zee said, “you can spend ten minutes having a conversation with the child that you brought into this world.”
Teach your children to use their voice. Children understand they’re not going to be children forever—they’re going to be adults. We ask them to practice responsibility, so why aren’t we teaching them to use their voices? Why aren’t we empowering their voices?
Help your children develop healthy habits around social media. As Dr. Zee said, social media is not going away. “Now, how do we utilize [their] access and give them healthy habits around it?” First, she said, spend fifteen minutes a day with your children and find out what they’re doing on social media. Don’t be afraid to step on their toes!
Create a space of collaboration with your family. We all know technology is addictive … and our teens are especially at risk because social media apps target them. Learn to communicate on your children’s level; share what you see on social media, talk about the bullying and (for older kids) sexual trauma that happens on social media platforms, and pick up their phones and see what they’re doing.
Bring diversity, inclusion, and appreciation into your home. THIS is the key to stopping bullying, racial discrimination, fights, exclusion, pulling guns on one another, bullying, cyberbullying and all the things our children are facing now. Invite everyone into your home. Include everyone in the meals and activities. Express appreciation for how everyone joins in. This creates a sense of belonging. Belonging is what cultivates kindness and love.
Dr. “Zee” Zabina Bhasin MD is a child psychiatrist and DEI expert and the founder of “InKidZ.” She’s an entrepreneur dedicated to educating families and school. Inspired by her mother’s wisdom, she aims to stop hate, celebrating diversity through her business and movement. As a content advisor and on-camera expert, she addresses real issues and provides practical tools for youth support. With a focus on “raising adults, not kids,” Dr. Zee emphasizes listening, modeling compassion, and amplifying youth voices. Her upcoming docuseries, “Raising America,” and the accompanying book and podcast, “Raising Adults, Not Kids,” offer ongoing resources for resilient future leaders.
